Advanced subspace question

[Ra****]

I don’t normally allow phones during play, but being with a mother of 3 I have let this rule slide for emergencies sake. As emergencies do , one happened while I had her deep into subspace and she had to go from deep in the drift to getting dressed as she ran out the door.
My issue, or concern may be a better description, is that afterwards, when we met up again thing just seemed a bit (off?) different. We discussed it at length after our next meet, and I don’t think she was disingenuous in her claims that nothing was different, but could it have been something she couldn’t put into words?
We have since drifted away and I can’t help but wonder if there was something I missed?
I consider myself well versed in the intricacies of subspace (admittedly from the outside)
It may never happen again but if it does, I’d like to be more aware of alternatives to unusual aftercare.

[Deleted Member]

Likely mom guilt and the association of not be accessible at the time of emergency

[ey****]

the things to consider

if she was disturbed during subspace/play for an emergency that can be very disorientating 

this also means likely any proper comedown or aftercare could be done

and yep as above, depending on what the emergency was there could be feelings of guilt that she wasn't as available as she felt she should be and/or any form of anxiety or being on edge it could happen again

 

also in this case, if you had stuck with 'no phones' while this wouldn't have disturbed play, or aftercare - it would have added massively to any guilt or frustration later 

[ma****]

I think that she might feel guilty... a submissive feels so many things. She might feel that she let you down or she might be worried about another emergency happening again and she might be afraid of letting you down again. I think that she might need a lot of reassurance.

[ge****]

Instead of asking her if something is different, try a different approach.

‘It must have been hard on you to go from subspace to emergency mode. How did that make you feel?’

‘I worried about you the other night. You had to switch gears so quickly and I couldn’t take proper care of you afterward, the way I like to. Maybe next time we meet up, we could start with taking special care to your needs.’

‘I’m so glad you had access to your phone when it was needed. Is there anything else we can do to make you feel safe/ comfortable?’

[ma****]

8 hours ago, gemini69 said:

Instead of asking her if something is different, try a different approach.

‘It must have been hard on you to go from subspace to emergency mode. How did that make you feel?’

‘I worried about you the other night. You had to switch gears so quickly and I couldn’t take proper care of you afterward, the way I like to. Maybe next time we meet up, we could start with taking special care to your needs.’

‘I’m so glad you had access to your phone when it was needed. Is there anything else we can do to make you feel safe/ comfortable?’

I love those approaches very much.

[do****]

Jumping from one role to the next so quick is very hard, and emotionally draining. Aftercare is sure important for trust and bonding and having to leave like that she didn’t get it so I would plan a long section of time just taking care of her first.

[SubmissiveDepths]

I think it's a green flag that you're asking, and that you've put good thought into it. You're renewing my faith in good doms out there!

To answer... yes, to be sure, she found it difficult to verbalize.  Everyone here has given great responses, so the only thing I'll add is - for me, there is a lot of compartmentalization, especially when my son was younger.  The act of having to switch gears may have created an association with you that felt uncomfortable to her. 

She saw you again, and, maybe she did not even know it would happen, but the ***ful discomfort of going from "deep in the drift" of utter release to replacing the mantle of Mom responsibility arose in her.  

Ideally, it could have been discussed and the feeling massaged away, but, it seems the spell for her was broken.

 

 

[Daddybrains]

I can only tell a story. Many years ago I had a play session end abruptly with the bottom deep in subspace. The next day she called and said she didn’t feel right - that she didn’t have closure on the scene, and so she was kind of stuck. We figured out a ceremonial way to give her closure, remotely, and after that she got back to herself.

My story is deliberately vague because the only details that matter are the ones you work out with your partner. Closure can be as simple and literal as blowing out a candle, or reciting a safeword. I can totally believe, though, that what you suspect about her state-of-mind is real, and tied to lack of closure on the scene.