PhantomFlogger Posted May 16, 2022 Posted May 16, 2022 Lately I've found it really hard to want to bring kink into my sex life, I'm starting to feel like a disappointment. I love my BDSM side, I'm attracted to deviants just like me, but I just don't feel comfortable playing anymore. I know this disappoints my partners, to see my wall of toys and never see me reach for them, to watch my fire build up but never unleash it. I just don't know why it feels so fake now, how i feel hasn't changed, what i like hasn't changed, but whenever I'm asked to let it out, i shut down. I don't think at this point that it's a secret that I have introverted Narcissism, but I'm in control of it for the best part, i hide it well and use it to my advantage.. maybe I've become fearful that I shouldn't have the trust Submissives give me? I'm not sure, I love being trusted, I genuinely fear being seen as anything but trustworthy, i am a narcissist after all, how I'm seen is the most important part, taking care of what is mine is just as paramount. Lately I have been dealing with people saying I am a bad person, I meet these people with confusion, my friends say its just people being hurtful because they know ill second guess myself, after all... i do have a personality disorder that lies to me. Do i feel undeserving? Have i just not met anyone i want to play with? Am i too dangerous and somewhere deep inside I dont want to hurt anyone? I dont know, but what i do know is i miss enjoying it. Why am i kink blocking myself?