Jump to content

I need some advice...

Recommended Posts


So this is probably a weird thing to ask, but I need advice. I've recently started finding an interest in bdsm, and I like to research things as much as possible. One problem is that I'm a Christian and everything on Christian forums say that bdsm is... well evil. I don't believe that, but the issue is, I'm not entirely sure if I have to sacrifice one thing for the other. And I don't particularly want to sacrife one thing for the other either. I was wondering if there are any other Christians here that can offer some advice on this, since I can't post this on a Christian forum without evryone freaking out. Also, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, I'm just trying to learn more about what I want in life.


I don't think there is anything un-christian about BDSM

without wanting to be anti-religious; there's a lot where people interpret texts to fit their agenda - and while one person might have some way they try to shoehorn that it is unchristian someone else will be different

a lot would also depend on how strict you are.  There are two Muslims I know who practice BDSM and that is a little more against their texts - but their take is that they don't follow the texts that strictly and can be good people within the religious framework and still partake in BDSM

incidentally; there's a lot within BDSM which has early routes in Christian faith.  Flagellation and it's links to subspace, for example. 

That's hard to answer
U can continue to look into the lifestyle but just don't tell anyone. U can look online for books to help teach u about what's out there.
U said about sacrifice
U dint need to sacrifice anything. I to am a Christian and when I got confession. I just tell the priest what my lifestyle is.
The church is always non-judgmental and they will not give u any bad advice.

I hope this helps
BDSM is so personal in each instance for each set of individuals. I was raised as a Catholic but have given it up. Certainly some parts of BDSM can appear very malevolent to our more traditional counterparts, but at the end of the day BDSM is all about consenting parties fulfilling desires.

It's still taboo, and there's a lot of intensity for those who want it, but sinful? I don't think so. I easily think a mindful practitioner of BDSM can simultaneously practice spirituality.
If you'll take a view point from someone in the UK... I'm a Christian in that I was christened and confirmed but I don't practice or go to church. I don't even really believe but...
The traditional Christian view is that sex is for procreation and that alone, and anything outside of that is a sin, and so therefore BDSM would count as sinful. Simples. The US Church comes from the Puritans who travelled over. They were strict and devout and that has kinda stuck, so your modern church is based on those puritanical views. So BDSM is definitely a sin.

Sorry, but that's just a crock! All mammals (of which we are one, and forgive me but I'm an evolutionary biologist so I firmly believe we evolved from apes, we weren't created) have sex and most mammals have sex for pleasure, including homosexual encounters (shit, another sin!). Are all animals sinful too?

You have to be true to yourself, if you're not, you'll never be happy. There's no reason you can't take those Christian aspects you do hold true, you can still have your faith, but you can also enjoy your kinkier side, knowing that maybe those puritans were misguided in their strict views, and that modern beliefs and values allow us to take pleasure from sex in all its glorious forms, for else we are all sinful.

Somewhere in the bible it says something about, 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone', and 'judge not others, less ye be so judged'. Remind yoyrself of that next time someone passes judgement. You telling me all those judgemental asses aren't having sex for pleasure? Cos I'm damn sure they are, and that's a sin!

Not sure that helps but hopefully gives you some perspective. And I mean no disrespect to anyone's views, religous or otherwise.
I'm not a Christian despite growing up with a strong Christian background.

What I would say is ask yourself if any BDSM practice makes you feel guilty and try and be specific on why.
It shouldn't be because someone told you it's wrong because you could argue they are simply being judgemental.

Continue your own research so you can form your own impartial opinion.
I believe with this approach you will come to the opinion some areas are acceptable between consenting adults while other areas could be considered controversial.

Also consider some people channel there energy into BDSM as a form of therapy. It's a form of escape and helps them to maintain a balanced perspective.
Yeah you're going to hell. But that's where all the fun is.
This gets complicated and it is less to do with Christianity than religion.

For instance if you practice BDSM within a marriage then Christianity has no issues with it. Many religions though will still regard it is being a problem.

Within Christian doctrine the main issues will be sex outside of marriage, and actually repenting for something that you are not in the slightest bit sorry about.

Overall though this is something that within Religions is judged by people who know absolutely nothing of which they are judging or certainly will not admit it.

Deeply loving and caring relationships come from within the BDSM world. Personally I can not see a God that was wholeheartedly in favour of love and against judgement being against BDSM if it is within a loving relationship.

I can though see him being against those who presume to sit in judgement.

Good luck in your journey and I hope you find peace whichever route you choose.
Hey Izzy,

I was brought up as a deeply faithful catholic. My faith started to become quite a burden for me as soon as I started questioning all those weird dogmas this religion has.
I ended up becoming a spiritual human being, who doesn’t give a flying fuck about those dogmas. BDSM has been one of the major influences that helped to shift my view and free me from all those toxic dogmas.
I am way more happy now, after my struggles with this were over.
That was my path.

The only suggestion I have for you is:


If it makes you feel guilty about sex as a means for pleasure, you either will have to reform your religious views and don’t hesitate to ask for help of your spiritual leader, if you feel hesitant or lost, or you will have to suppress these desires within you.
Allow me to point out that suppressing is very unhealthy and toxic for your well-being.

That’s my view at this. It’s highly subjective, of course, but I hope it does help you in your plight.
As an active practising Christian I did wonder this myself a few years ago.

I came to the conclusion that God loves all, he has no right or wrongs in BDSM. It is very unlikely to have been included in his practices originally but more added to the bible and its teachings during the period of time around the 1400-1600s. So its like a lot of things that are open to interpretation. I am really good friends with my Vicar here in the UK. I have spoken with her about it. As far as she sees it then it's not a problem as it doesn't interfer with me praising or worshipping god.

Hope this helps? I know Church of England and Catholic churches do have different views and ideals on things tho.

Happy to talk if you need any more advice or anything.
Im an agnostic with borderline athiest views. There is a lot of good advice above.

One thing you could consider is a Head of Household type dynamic. I suggest looking into this as an option.

Also i would be surpriaed if many christians (especially elders, priests and other do as i say types) only had sex for procreation, and abstained the rest of the time.
Ask yourself why BDSM is considered evil. The Holy Book teaches us to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let your fellow believers lead the way, and love you.
I am curious what is identified as evil. Is it evil to use some hot wax on one’s partner? Or to consensually restrain one’s partner during sex? Is it evil to use an instrument to stimulate one’s partner (note this could be a vibrator or paddle or whip or nipple clamps or one’s teeth).

I would also note that according to your profile you are 18. It does note I believe that you are in a relationship; are you married? Isn’t pre-marital sex a big no-no? What is pre-marital sex? Is it intercourse, or is it any act of sexual stimulation? Does that include kissing/making out or does it include intimate touching?

As others suggested, I would look at what is important to you. What values are must important. I would also explore exactly what us defined as “evil” and understand how or why. Everything can be interpreted in different ways, so look for the loopholes.

I would like to note that I admire you said you like to research things. To many people into kink see something watching pornography or reading erotica and decide they are kinky and just jump into things without understanding it well. This can be harmful, physically and mentally. So keep up the research!!
There is nothing wrong with you having deep beliefs and being into BDSM. I do not think you have to sacrifice either.
  • Create New...