A scam (Findom) vs fun (femdom) *one just is money based

[ey****]

1 hour ago, germanswitch said:

The problem is that too many findoms demand tribute and things like that too quickly.

I want to spin this round - it's kinda about managing expectations.

let's state things from another angle.  You get talking to someone.  You get on. Perhaps early doors she mentioned she was into Findom but hasn't asked for anything.  Perhaps she does not mention this.

You've been talking to her for a couple of weeks or whatever and you feel you're getting on well and vice versa.  So then it comes.  "OK, so now we've established that we get on - send."  whether the send is for drinks, lunch, or just cos.  

For some guys this comes as a surprise and feels like they've wasted the past couple of weeks and that someone has pulled a bait and switch.   For the ladies, they've wasted a couple of weeks on someone who wasn't going to do what they wanted from this.

If someone in a first message or after a literal couple goes... ok... send.  There's no surprise.  You know up front.  It is possible on you then to see if you can see the person is who they say they are.  But with a couple of kinda foot notes

1) on here folk shouldn't be asking for tribute
2) elsewhere where it is permitted - you should really be doing basic vetting on if a profile is real or not before messaging someone.   otherwise it just comes over that folk are messaging everyone and, well, the scammers always reply.  and if someone has it on their profile they're into financial, or on whatever platforms - then, it *really* shouldn't come as a surprise.

[Bo****]

Yesterday at 11:57 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

there's a bit of a catch 22 - and - so...

guy and findom start talking

Findom - send

guy - prove you're real

Findom - gives a bunch of evidence

guy - video chat me

Findom - video chats as further proof

guy - got exactly what he wanted and didn't have to spend a penny

 

who is scamming who there?

 

I mean video call is just to know that the owner of said account are real. Even using mask is okay, because we may know if it's the same person just from the eyes. I know that tribute are needed, and that is why the first thing to do is to know that our tribute are sent to the "real" and "right" Mistress/Master.

[StrictMaster44]

15 minutes ago, BoundSheep said:

I mean video call is just to know that the owner of said account are real. Even using mask is okay, because we may know if it's the same person just from the eyes. I know that tribute are needed, and that is why the first thing to do is to know that our tribute are sent to the "real" and "right" Mistress/Master.

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, BoundSheep said:

I mean video call is just to know that the owner of said account are real. Even using mask is okay, because we may know if it's the same person just from the eyes. I know that tribute are needed, and that is why the first thing to do is to know that our tribute are sent to the "real" and "right" Mistress/Master.

scammers ask women to do video calls to "prove they're real" and then record the video and use this to send to someone else (or to verify on a site which only requires video verification) catfishing as the person.

women should be very sceptical of people pushing for video calls to "prove they're real"

like, who contacted who here? 

[StrictMaster44]

1 hour ago, milkyway_ki said:

Why not pay for pleasure

Because you shouldn't have to pay. That's BS. Pleasure should be fun for both partners. Not to make one or the other rich and support them financially.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, StrictDaddy41 said:

Because you shouldn't have to pay. That's BS. Pleasure should be fun for both partners. Not to make one or the other rich and support them financially.

the thing to think here is to look at a different angle

firstly that the Findomme or Pro-Domme is not going to be in any form or partnership or relationship with you.     While there are some Pros etc who do have owned subs, that's a totally different arrangement that will complex things going into.

But it's like any service.  You come along when you want to play. You pay. And then the interaction you get could be whatever you're into.  Chatting. Humiliation. Play. Whatever.

Usually, in a lot of cases, it's going to be fun for the other person also (plenty of people enjoy their jobs - if you don't, get a better job) 

The majority of people who pay Findoms or Pro Dommes are not looking for a lifetime relationship with them; but casual play.  So, if everyone is going in with the right attitude then everyone should be happy.

Of course - you don't HAVE to pay anyone.  You can go out and find a partner that you're compatible with and explore together - just look how well that works for so many people.   Just as you don't have to pay in a restaurant, you can cook yourself - you don't have to pay for a cab, you can walk or drive, you don't have to do anything.

But some people do.

Because, well, finding someone is hard.  

[Bo****]

11 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

scammers ask women to do video calls to "prove they're real" and then record the video and use this to send to someone else (or to verify on a site which only requires video verification) catfishing as the person.

women should be very sceptical of people pushing for video calls to "prove they're real"

like, who contacted who here? 

Is this about professional mistress or wannabe mistress? If it's about money as you said then it's transactional, and a mere 1 minute video chat with a mask won't "endanger them".

This will even help other pro and real mistress, because scammers won't be able to operate anymore if this become a norm.

[Go****]

13 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

scammers ask women to do video calls to "prove they're real" and then record the video and use this to send to someone else (or to verify on a site which only requires video verification) catfishing as the person.

women should be very sceptical of people pushing for video calls to "prove they're real"

like, who contacted who here? 

True, I ask for verification when I’m contacted first. Especially if I’m expected to offer a “one time payment” for anything and I’m messaged first.

[Sh****]

My theme for the non-scammer findommes is, instead of blaming people for conflating them with scammers, they should realize the enemy is the actual scammers, and focus on coopting them instead, by being upfront in very fine detail in their profile about how they operate.

Ppl highly not into findommes will be able to easily avoid the profile without calling them scammers bc their intentions were properly stated, and ppl seeking findomme as a kink will find them.

Tbh, same goes for pro dommes re: what their vision / schedule for tribute looks like.

For regular folks, they also indeed have the obligation to state what they're looking for up front.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, BoundSheep said:

This will even help other pro and real mistress, because scammers won't be able to operate anymore if this become a norm.

no; this will make it easier for scammers - because they can then pressure others for the video calls and then use that recording to "prove they're real" to other people.   Especially if in your example they're wearing a mask.  

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Goldencore said:

True, I ask for verification when I’m contacted first. Especially if I’m expected to offer a “one time payment” for anything and I’m messaged first.

to speed up the process - if someone completely unknown to you contacts you and asks for a payment - it's 95% likely to be a scam

the other 5% - still eyebrows, cos, why is she cold contacting people? why aren't people coming to her?

[ey****]

As a side note

there were a few ladies who used to be on here - I know a couple have gone/gone and the others are rarely active.

not pros, not findommes, etc. but had took on board some of the forum comments of the time - that - some guys find it hard to make the first move (I empathise!) and would love first contact.

So these were ladies who, at some point, found someone they liked through profiles or forums or chat and opened a conversation.  Most regretted this for a number of ways (sometimes, guys getting too sexual too quickly) but one common frustration they each had was guys demanding they "prove they're real"

This is folk who had a clear site history, verified profiles, etc - weren't trying to push people off site or ask for money or anything like that - and it's a bit, like... do you want to be contacted first or not?  And so the immediate kinda accusational suspicion puts off a lot of the 'genuine' people.

I mean sure, of course, men should do vetting also for safety.  But, jumping to conclusions that "everyone is fake" well, you may as well not be here. 

[Mr****]

Either from people being used as income and never getting anything or people hearing about the other people and avoiding risk entirely.
If you really want to be a fem dom and get money from your sub, you need to give the sub some actual proof your a real person and not a scamming scum bag. The easiest way is to have a small introductory date in person with your sub. Maybe a Cafe date and both of you agree to pay for yourselves as you chat and explore each other's feelings. If you both come to terms and want to do things, you can make the rules because you've gained trust. You cannot reasonably expect someone you only ever texted to give you hundreds of dollars because you say you'll meet up with them some number of days later. You have to treat the person as a person and meet them on some sort of equal terms

[ey****]

1 hour ago, MrGivesaFuck said:

If you really want to be a fem dom and get money from your sub, you need to give the sub some actual proof your a real person and not a scamming scum bag. The easiest way is to have a small introductory date in person with your sub. Maybe a Cafe date and both of you agree to pay for yourselves as you chat and explore each other's feelings.

A few people say stuff like this and I'm not sure if it's naivety, hopefulness or a complete lack of understanding.  

To digest.

Findom is usually an online activity.  I am aware of a number of ladies who did start this route and now do meets; but the meets are a separate arrangement. 

For online Findom proof is simple.  If the lady makes the first move and is "hey you, pay me" then if it is not a scam it's someone who doesn't really know what they're doing - so at this point it's all moot.

It would normally be the sub makes the first move and there are so many options that proves someone is real - at the simplest there are a number of sites where the ladies have to verify by ID to be on; a lot of the cam sites the clip stores etc so someone seeking someone could use those sites - or - if they happen to stumble upon someone on one platform or another and think "alright" then the onus is on them to verify the person is real - the easiest way is to see which verified platforms she is on.  

One of the beauties of online Findom is that it can be done with someone anywhere in the world; while also can give a protection of anonymity to both parties.  

The simple thing to remember is that she is unlikely to ever meet you - and if she does then, we already established it's a Findom arrangement so you will be paying again - likely for any play space hire, her time, her travel, and probably extras.

 

Pro-Dommes on the other hand do meet.  There's a lot of different laws by territory on where they are allowed to use or session from or so on.  

Like Findom it is highly unlikely they would make the first move.  

In both cases their clients are going to be a mixture of people who just want a one-off or ad-hoc experience, people who "do the rounds" and regulars.

They have all heard from people who have booked precisely 0 sessions with them who are talking up about how they intend to become a regular and this is usually a form of boundary pushing - either in the hopes of extras from the meeting so they'll book again, or to do something off-the-clock like this aforementioned lunch proposal.

Guess what - the people who talk most about wanting to be regulars are those least likely to do so.

There are some ladies who offer consultations prior to meets but this isn't a free service - usually a webchat and no play involved but a chance to ask questions and so on and possibly even discuss the session.  There's at least one person I can think of who, if you do decide to book a session they will deduct the cost of the consultation from your first session - but this isn't the norm.

The advantage of this versus a coffee date is very simple.  If it's a 30 minute chat or something she can block out just an hour of the day and as long as she is somewhat dressed can chat with you - and if you don't show or an arsehole or whatever she can terminate the call - and given she is doing this from either a home or a dungeon between session, she probably could switch over and cam for a bit or whatever.

A 30 minute cafe meet - is going to involve travel time and picking a place - she has to make the journey there and back regardless as of if you show or are an arsehole and this is all time she could be doing something far more productive. 

Within this - I'm not saying feelings are not important - but - you're booking someone for 2 hours play.  That's it.  That's the session.  You don't go to a restaurant and meet with the restaurant manager to see if you share a similar world view before coming round and ordering a plate of chips two weeks later.

Of course... if after the session you decide there's any form of 'more' that you both want - then, hey, show that YOU are serious and there are ladies who'll go out for lunch afterwards without it being an extra.  But remember of course you will continue to pay for sessions. 

Like, again, the restaurant might sling you a free dessert now and then if you're regular - but you'll still always pay for your meals. 

[Deleted Member]

As I Sub I made a $100 commitment and Mistress wants me to send stuff. But I haven't been able to FaceTime now there profile here says needs verified. What does anyone think?

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, jas05 said:

As I Sub I made a $100 commitment and Mistress wants me to send stuff. But I haven't been able to FaceTime now there profile here says needs verified. What does anyone think?

sorry. you've been scammed.

[Deleted Member]

It's honestly more sad that it wasn't legit than losing any money

[Mr****]

19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A few people say stuff like this and I'm not sure if it's naivety, hopefulness or a complete lack of understanding.  

To digest.

Findom is usually an online activity.  I am aware of a number of ladies who did start this route and now do meets; but the meets are a separate arrangement. 

For online Findom proof is simple.  If the lady makes the first move and is "hey you, pay me" then if it is not a scam it's someone who doesn't really know what they're doing - so at this point it's all moot.

It would normally be the sub makes the first move and there are so many options that proves someone is real - at the simplest there are a number of sites where the ladies have to verify by ID to be on; a lot of the cam sites the clip stores etc so someone seeking someone could use those sites - or - if they happen to stumble upon someone on one platform or another and think "alright" then the onus is on them to verify the person is real - the easiest way is to see which verified platforms she is on.  

One of the beauties of online Findom is that it can be done with someone anywhere in the world; while also can give a protection of anonymity to both parties.  

The simple thing to remember is that she is unlikely to ever meet you - and if she does then, we already established it's a Findom arrangement so you will be paying again - likely for any play space hire, her time, her travel, and probably extras.

 

Pro-Dommes on the other hand do meet.  There's a lot of different laws by territory on where they are allowed to use or session from or so on.  

Like Findom it is highly unlikely they would make the first move.  

In both cases their clients are going to be a mixture of people who just want a one-off or ad-hoc experience, people who "do the rounds" and regulars.

They have all heard from people who have booked precisely 0 sessions with them who are talking up about how they intend to become a regular and this is usually a form of boundary pushing - either in the hopes of extras from the meeting so they'll book again, or to do something off-the-clock like this aforementioned lunch proposal.

Guess what - the people who talk most about wanting to be regulars are those least likely to do so.

There are some ladies who offer consultations prior to meets but this isn't a free service - usually a webchat and no play involved but a chance to ask questions and so on and possibly even discuss the session.  There's at least one person I can think of who, if you do decide to book a session they will deduct the cost of the consultation from your first session - but this isn't the norm.

The advantage of this versus a coffee date is very simple.  If it's a 30 minute chat or something she can block out just an hour of the day and as long as she is somewhat dressed can chat with you - and if you don't show or an arsehole or whatever she can terminate the call - and given she is doing this from either a home or a dungeon between session, she probably could switch over and cam for a bit or whatever.

A 30 minute cafe meet - is going to involve travel time and picking a place - she has to make the journey there and back regardless as of if you show or are an arsehole and this is all time she could be doing something far more productive. 

Within this - I'm not saying feelings are not important - but - you're booking someone for 2 hours play.  That's it.  That's the session.  You don't go to a restaurant and meet with the restaurant manager to see if you share a similar world view before coming round and ordering a plate of chips two weeks later.

Of course... if after the session you decide there's any form of 'more' that you both want - then, hey, show that YOU are serious and there are ladies who'll go out for lunch afterwards without it being an extra.  But remember of course you will continue to pay for sessions. 

Like, again, the restaurant might sling you a free dessert now and then if you're regular - but you'll still always pay for your meals. 

Awww man. If findom is just distanced communication, paying money and reserving appointment time, then it just feels like paying taxes. And I don't get a thrill out of that.
If I have a dom and she wants some sums of money to feel powerful, I would want it be treated as mutual funds in our kinky relationship or money she uses to spend on me if she would feel great about spoiling a sub with gifts or treats with said money.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, MrGivesaFuck said:

Awww man. If findom is just distanced communication, paying money and reserving appointment time, then it just feels like paying taxes. And I don't get a thrill out of that.
If I have a dom and she wants some sums of money to feel powerful, I would want it be treated as mutual funds in our kinky relationship or money she uses to spend on me if she would feel great about spoiling a sub with gifts or treats with said money.

a lot is a case of understanding what is on offer - and what it is not.

I think there are some feel they are misled about what is on offer; but then others who are unrealistic in expectations 

A lot of those who get scammed do so because they are unrealistic with what they will get for payment.  But then there are those who maybe get frustrated because they weren't scammed, but requests for payments continue.   "you pay me a one-off payment and I will train you" what does that even mean?

the thing of course - with anything to any legitimacy, if something isn't for you then you don't have to indulge it : although I have spent time learning about how a lot works (and doesn't) what people like etc - the general concept of Findom is not for me.

But yet; I'm out on Friday and if I bought a round of drinks for mates and didn't expect a drink back - that is almost the same thing

[ey****]

1 hour ago, jas05 said:

It's honestly more sad that it wasn't legit than losing any money

if you have the budget to spend; you are better of seeking out a Pro-Domme or going on a platform where they have to be verified.

On here people shouldn't be asking for or offering money 

[Bo****]

July 19, eyemblacksheep said:

no; this will make it easier for scammers - because they can then pressure others for the video calls and then use that recording to "prove they're real" to other people.   Especially if in your example they're wearing a mask.  

Noo, sending videos and doing video calls is different. They can use the recording yes, but back to what I said first. If both are already video calling once to ensure both are real, then it doesn't matter anymore.

Lets say the scammers use the video to try tricking another victims account. As long the victim play by the rules of video calls on the first contact too, that video wont be able to help the scammer to trick them. So VC acts like a gate for safety of both the dom and sub. I know someone on instagram who keep sending video of her daily life, looking really real, but actually a fake. She never wanted to do VC even once, I stopped immediately after I observe her intention. Looks like she only want to collect my personal info and picture.

[to****]

It's the monetary aspect. It's for profit. Makes people's skin crawl. No getting away from that. One of my past partners was a pro disciplinarian and fin dom used to come into it now and then and while nice at times, kinda made her feel uneasy at times too. She would quite happily get paid for punishing someone for an hour or two because she thought she earned it but cash on demand made her feel uneasy or guilty.