Difficulty in finding a dynamic or anything more?

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Just putting it out there and not making it a battle of the sexes but is it as hard for ladies to meet or get into a dynamic/relationship or anything else as a man or is it roughly the same.
From personal experience I’ve found that it’s only when I’m in a relationship that I get more interest in my masculine form. When I’m in doll for, on here, I get a load of male attention.
Being a man myself I do think that we do tend to think boobs and ass and not go for personality or connection. Which I find quite shallow as it don’t take the woman’s concerns into consideration.
However, also being a male I find that attracting a woman in both a vanilla or kink setting maybe a little difficult. Not that I’m desperately seeking as if it happens it happens. As long as it’s for the right reasons.
This thread isn’t to cause issues it’s just to have a healthy discussion if people of any gender has similar issues. A healthy debate in modern kink so please no insults or aggression just a peaceful chat.
Thank you.

[Deleted Member]

It's hard for everyone because there are so many fake people

[Deleted Member]

I couldn’t like this discussion enough. And I’m glad you get to experience it from both sides. Men only seem to care about the outside honey. They could care less who I am or what I have to say. I like to be pretty, but can you also engage me in conversation? Ask me something about myself? No, it’s all cum shots or what can I offer them. It’s sickening.

[Catsailor69]

15 minutes ago, Newbie01 said:

I couldn’t like this discussion enough. And I’m glad you get to experience it from both sides. Men only seem to care about the outside honey. They could care less who I am or what I have to say. I like to be pretty, but can you also engage me in conversation? Ask me something about myself? No, it’s all cum shots or what can I offer them. It’s sickening.

Some of us do try to get to talk with and know those who draw our attention. It seems to be most difficult for both.
I get that approach and conversation is key. As has been said, if it happens it happens and I don’t believe that much more than approaching someone as a person, really makes much difference.

[so****]

It's astoundingly easier for females of any form to get into dynamics or relationships in general. Not just my opinion, statistics bear overwhelming proof of this from dating site stats like OkCupid/POF/tinder. For one, there's way more males on these platforms in general. & The smaller number of females naturally & understandably go for the highest valued males they can find on said platform, leading to a small number (20% or so) of the top-level guys (in shape, good looking, high-income earners, etc.) getting 80% of all female attention. Leaving the bottom 80% of men (aka. so-called "lower value" males🙄) to fight over the bottom 20% of the remaining women. So yes, males are at an overwhelming disadvantage on any dating site. & Again, this is not my opinion, these are statistics anyone can look up themselves. HOWEVER... bdsm is a much more understanding community than the vanilla world lol people will probably have better luck here than on vanilla sites. Dating sites have permanently fucked up how things work in the modern world. In very bad way for the majority of men, but in a very good way for the majority of women, as their pool of good looking, in shape, financially successful men has dramatically increased. So this being said, don't hate me lol though I don't care if you do. It's just statistics. Remember to be kind to each other & good luck 🌹

[Bo****]

How is it possible to get passed the shallow part of it if ghosting has become the default setting for alot of people?

[Sl****]

I think it’s both ways. I couldn’t care less about much physicality on the outside and I very much deeply care about the connection I want to form and be with that person.

But then again. Many would take a first glance and move along like you never existed 😁

[ge****]

It's neither easier nor harder for a specific gender on sites like this, just different.
.
Different problems/issues/difficulties with finding what they hope to find.
.
I'd even go so far as to say that different people within a gender group will face different difficulties etc.
.
But generally speaking - women will have to face a deluge of messages, some abusive or vile etc and be pestered by men whose only goal is sex.
.
On the other hand men are swimming in a very large group and have to know how to swim to stand out from the group, many don't and then turn to sending the vile and abusive messages out of frustration.
.
Ultimately though it comes down to those on either side of the divide who "get it" and know how to make sites like this work for them - sure it's not easy, regardless of gender, but remain true to yourselves and set expectations, attitude and approach correctly and it's easier than if you don't.

[Ju****]

Ive one poly partner as you know. That was / is great..
Anything else in 2yr of dating, kissing frogs and just useless conversations. Nada.

Ive resorted back to vanilla dating. Finding people in the local who i click with.. who have a vibe about them.
I made a fwb (hes not poly so wont be romantically involved) but hes very.... obsecure, crossdresses and is very camp.. for a totally straight man. Right up my street.
Feels like a gravitation towards "our people".
Ive gave up online. I think good old fashioned say hi at the bar and have a dance is worth a try.

[Deleted Member]

When I first started this site, believed men had it harder. I have been here over a year, and see it pretty much an equal. Like gemini_man said "It's neither easier nor harder for a specific gender on sites like this, just different." Men complain about women hustling for ***, and only want rich men. Seriously, how do you think women feel when seeing profiles saying "ages 18 to 46", or a man having the nerve to tell me he is giving me a chance, because I am 48 years old. I don't complain about this, because I know "WE" have it hard. I think in a past form a member wrote "There are so many different things people could looking for that's it rarely a surprise alot of people don't match". Yeah, I know it could be years!!😂

[BruiseWayne]

I'm not sure if harder is exactly the right word because from what I hear we have a lot of mutual BS that we have to wade through on top of the gendered nonsense that we seem to suffer alongside it. But it does feel like women get way more opportunity for interaction than men do at the very least.

 

I rarely if ever get approached first so I don't log on and have upwards of 10+ intro messages from the opposite sex just sitting there waiting for me on any given day. Conversely, I can hypothetically send out 10 intros myself and only get 1 or 2 replies, maybe none at all. And I'm not one of those guys who uses the 'shotgun' approach so it'd be exceedingly rare for me to even send out 10 intros a day in the first place. So the imbalance kind of rears it's head in that respect. Plus I live in a pretty major city in the US yet the pool of locals with active profiles is minuscule. Even when I expand my radius out to 100 miles or so, which would encompass NYC- the MOST populated city in America- it still only adds a handful or two of options and that's like 4 hours away from me at the very least. That's how little opportunity there is out there for me as a man to begin with. IMHO that gender disparity shouldn't be so easily dismissed or handwaved off as just guys boo hooing about things.

 

Though whether or not those 10 messages a woman gets is from someone who's attention they actually want, can connect with, be compatible with, or isn't a total skeevy creep in the first place is a different story. They might not want to respond to any of them but the opportunity is certainly still there and that's the part where the current status quo kinds skews the odds in their favor because all those limitations also apply to me too. Just because I'm reaching out that doesn't guarantee that the woman is going to ultimately be someone who's attention I want, can connect with, be compatible with, or isn't kinda creepy.

 

Thankfully I'm not necessarily tied to my location so I'm not limited by distance, and what I do for a living I can do anywhere. That allows my search to be as expansive as I want it to be, but ya know not everybody has that luxury. I just happen to be lucky in that respect. Even so it still feels like an uphill battle most of the time with all the starts and stops, ghosts haunting my inbox, and princesses turning back into pumpkins or however that story goes, lol.

[Chloebear]

We do get messages… but most of them are twoddle/offensive/beyond belief. Or dick pics. It’s easier to engage I think as a woman, but the hit rate from messaging still has a high margin of error, but for different reasons.

[ca****]

The answer in my eyes would be... it depends on who the lady or the man is....  and for many it will be similar to that of some / many others....

And i realise my input is nowt more than useless...  but should be interesting to hear some takes on it....

.. and wish you well with your searching

 

[Deleted Member]

Also, we have more opportunities in meeting men... if we want to get used for sex or ***d.

[lesdevon]

It is definatly harder being and older single man ive been on the reduced section now heading for the skip

[AKA_Copper]

Males and females have they own very different struggles when it comes to forming relationships/dating/anything more but struggles nonetheless.
It's not a competition as to who has it worse
In terms of interaction, women may receive more messages/contacts via online dating, it doesn't make it meaningful
There's plenty of posts about the attention women attract here and even one called
'Dating IS Hard, For All Genders' in this forum

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Thank you all for the polite and interesting input. I can see it is a 50/50 split in finding a match as all genders have their difficulties from scammers or sex pests.
I have also come to the conclusion that trying online is not as good as meeting somebody at a munch or event or in real life. (Thanks Pinky) x
It was nice to get other input from a wider variety. Hope everyone finds their one (or two or more if poly).
Although I haven't clicked like on everyone's reply I have read them and found them all very informative.
Thanks to you all again. xxx

[ey****]

struggles are different but present

the (het) women who are "matching" or going on dates or entering relationships are doing so with men - so it's then no real difference 

 

there was someone on one of the boards the other day mentioned she got 200 messages in a short space of time, I don't know if this was exagerating - but just having to read or wade through that is a lot of work so I wouldn't be surprised if some look at this and go "lol, nope" 

this is a double sided sword, because of course the men do need to stand out from the crap - but actually one of the things they can do there is limiting who they message to who they most have chances of connecting with 

[Ch****]

Chas,  I know what you mean. It's life and it sucks unfortunately. I don't even bother with looking anymore, it's a waste of time and effort....the best way to be is not to care and have no expectations. If someone is interested, they will come to you. 

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Correction thanks Jen. I didn’t recognise your picture.

[Ju****]

38 minutes ago, ChastityPup said:

Correction thanks Jen. I didn’t recognise your picture.

No worries 😚

[Ju****]

Good luck.  Someones out there for you ❤

[Ki****]

As a woman, I get a fair share of messages. 90 percent get an instant block for coming at me like a sex dispensing machine. Yes, they are that bad. So I rarely find anyone who can hold a conversation. Winnow that down to someone with kinks and personality match, and it’s basically crickets here. Definitely not easy for me. 

[Chloebear]

I’d agree on 90% odd being straight out non starters.

[Deleted Member]

A while back, a Dom told me "Block them, and  you won't be having troubles". I can't believe, it took me this long to grasp the meaning.🤔