Best way to approach a Domme

[Deltaswitch]

Hey just curious as I'm new to exploring my sub side. What would be the best, most respectful way to initiate a conversation with a domme. I know it varies from person to person but what would you prefer to know up front before deciding if you'd like to reply. Any tips are appreciated, I'm just curious and would like to know what you have to say :)

[MauroDraco]

This depends a lot on several different factors. But some of them might be the "bdsm generation" of the Domme or her age even, style of dominance and particular kinks, personal or cultural values etc

That said, if you are of similar social contexts, just focusing on being respectful should come across fine.

Other than this, very broad and common authority recognition and respect for it (or power), as well as showing signs of submission (beware to not go overboard and never do it with insincerity) typically help. But may be offensive or boring for those that consider it fake for coming before you being approved by her or developing the D/s relationship.
Common examples are: address her in a formal way, like Mistress, Queen etc; capitalize her name and titles if she uses those; be patient; let her lead the conversation and be the one asking questions most of the time, unless given the liberty to do otherwise; pay attention.

[ey****]

on sites like this

approach her as if she is a person you want to get to know.   

Like, don't go in treating her like she is already your Mistress, and don't hand her a shopping list of fetishes.    Absolutely do not use Capital Protocol on a dating site because you're then approaching in role play.

Read their profile, see if there is any instruction on how they may like to be approached, and if you even agree with it (if you don't, don't contact them) but you can use profiles as a basis - there has to be a reason why you are contacting that particular person the "she's a Domme, I'm a sub, duh!" train of thought always comes across like any Domme will do.

Outside of protocol events, the same is true (except you don't have a profile to go off - but there must be a reason why out of all the women in the room you wish to speak to her) 

The only kinda exception is if you are approaching someone who is a Pro Domme for a paid session, you can then cut any form of get-to-know-you formalities, get an idea how to contact from her website - and she basically just needs proposed dates, what you would like to do and a deposit ready 

In all of the above, take a little time to read over what you've written so it doesn't look like it was written with one hand under the desk.  

[ge****]

In my experience approach them just like you'd approach *any* other person you encounter in life, regardless of the situation - be yourself first and foremost.
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At the time you contact them they're not your dominant, and nor are you their submissive, so why treat them any differently?

[Deltaswitch]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

In my experience approach them just like you'd approach *any* other person you encounter in life, regardless of the situation - be yourself first and foremost.
.
At the time you contact them they're not your dominant, and nor are you their submissive, so why treat them any differently?

Okay yeah thats fair, thank you

[Xi****]

I personally enjoy when a sub introduced themselves and expresses their kinks, desires, interests, and hobbies. I appreciate questioning and am a bit suspicious if a sub has nothing to ask. On dating sites, I value those who have taken the time to read through my profile. I personally don’t appreciate being call Mommy so I prefer when subs ask how to address me. I expect respectful communication and I especially don’t like when a sub treats me as though I’ve collared them before we’ve even began talking. Just as others have stated, it’s important to be yourself. I genuinely want to know the person who is messaging me. 

[Deltaswitch]

8 minutes ago, Xini said:

I personally enjoy when a sub introduced themselves and expresses their kinks, desires, interests, and hobbies. I appreciate questioning and am a bit suspicious if a sub has nothing to ask. On dating sites, I value those who have taken the time to read through my profile. I personally don’t appreciate being call Mommy so I prefer when subs ask how to address me. I expect respectful communication and I especially don’t like when a sub treats me as though I’ve collared them before we’ve even began talking. Just as others have stated, it’s important to be yourself. I genuinely want to know the person who is messaging me. 

Ah thank you. That acc helps a lot. I'd never approach someone as if they already own me because they are complete strangers 😂 but the rest is really helpful so again thank you

[Xi****]

5 minutes ago, Deltaswitch said:

Ah thank you. That acc helps a lot. I'd never approach someone as if they already own me because they are complete strangers 😂 but the rest is really helpful so again thank you

I’m glad you found my comment useful. When it comes to messages, many many subs treat me as though I already own them. It off putting to say the least.

[Deltaswitch]

7 minutes ago, Xini said:

I’m glad you found my comment useful. When it comes to messages, many many subs treat me as though I already own them. It off putting to say the least.

I'd say so, the same way doms would come and already act as though they own me without knowing anything about me. It screams fake 😂 so I understand

[Xi****]

14 minutes ago, Deltaswitch said:

I'd say so, the same way doms would come and already act as though they own me without knowing anything about me. It screams fake 😂 so I understand

I completely feel that. I have “Doms” message me pretty frequently as well. I’m often not too amused by their communication styles…

[Deltaswitch]

51 minutes ago, Xini said:

I completely feel that. I have “Doms” message me pretty frequently as well. I’m often not too amused by their communication styles…

It only makes the real doms like yourself and real subs stand out that much more.

[Xi****]

2 hours ago, Deltaswitch said:

It only makes the real doms like yourself and real subs stand out that much more.

It really does ❤️

[Ph****]

So, does anyone have a good conversation-starter? (To dommes)

[ge****]

17 minutes ago, Philiplxx said:

So, does anyone have a good conversation-starter? (To dommes)

Try reading through this thread and taking some of what has been said on board and formulating your own based on that.
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There is no magic catch all formula that will work for everyone or with all Dommes - so you really need to think for yourself and find what works for you and those that you approach.

[Ph****]

30 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Try reading through this thread and taking some of what has been said on board and formulating your own based on that.
.
There is no magic catch all formula that will work for everyone or with all Dommes - so you really need to think for yourself and find what works for you and those that you approach.

Sure sure, as I’ve done for a while now. Just seems like there is 90% men on this app so woman just get bombarded with 1000s of gross and boring messages everyday.

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, Philiplxx said:

Sure sure, as I’ve done for a while now. Just seems like there is 90% men on this app so woman just get bombarded with 1000s of gross and boring messages everyday.

So if you make a message which is neither gross nor boring, you quickly stand up above the rest.

Avoiding gross is easy
Avoiding boring is largely easy : small talk, no place

 

But the thing is if you found someone you want to reach out to - there must be a reason you want to reach out.

Like for most men it's that she meets the criteria of "tits, pulse, radius" so if you can demonstrate you have somewhat been more selective it stands out.  They interest you, you want to reach out, why do they interest you? What would you like to ask them or talk about?

[ge****]

59 minutes ago, Philiplxx said:

Sure sure, as I’ve done for a while now. Just seems like there is 90% men on this app so woman just get bombarded with 1000s of gross and boring messages everyday.

To be totally honest - if I were a Domme and received a message from you probably the first thing I would do (assuming the message was neither gross nor boring) would be to check out your profile for additional info/input and to see if there was a likely match, having done that I'd probably reach for the delete button!!
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There's nothing there to go on, no substance or something that you've thought about this and why you are here, you've even shown as 100% dominant in the survey - so hardly enticing for any prospective Domme