Where are all the Genuine Femdoms, Vol: (insert your own weary experience here)

[we****]

We are here, but to overtly identify yourself as a dominant woman opens a floodgate of entitlement and male privileged (if you are not clear what that is you are probably benefiting from it, and it’s time to do some Googling if your intention to find a femdom is genuine)

A 19 year old man lay on my bed with a raging hard on, listed his ‘limits’, mostly his body parts I couldn’t touch, excepting his dick that was on limits, and had an expectation that my domination was going to express itself as me ‘servicing him’ while he fretted about his anxiety being triggered by his ‘lack of control’.

If your experience of approaching women who’s profile looked exactly what you are looking for has resulted in finding femdoms, I respectfully suggest that perhaps your expectation is unrealistic. Rather than whinging (yep, that’s how it comes across) there is the option to ask yourself ‘what am I doing wrong?’. If you make a different approach you may get a different response. Sounds like a lot of hard work, hey?

[Deleted Member]

I am genuinely seeking one. Not a pro though. More along the lines of a LTR.

I message politely and am truly wanting a strong connection to be able to have an actual relationship.

Difficult in a vanilla world, even moreso in this environment.

[Deltaswitch]

I currently have a dom now. What worked for me is I didnt expect a relationship right away. Femdoms are people, they have other interests and hobbies than just when you want to get off. I became friends with someone who had similar kinks as me and it turned into a d/s dynamic. I recommend just making friends and talking about your interests and hobbies too not just straight into what your kinks are. Be nice and friendly and treat people with respect.

[VK****]

15 minutes ago, SeekingDomme2obey said:

I am genuinely seeking one. Not a pro though. More along the lines of a LTR.

I message politely and am truly wanting a strong connection to be able to have an actual relationship.

Difficult in a vanilla world, even moreso in this environment.

A bit of mansplaining to a man. You have a Crown on your profile. You can add extra filters to your Browse options, that's the ticket you have bought. Try filtering for Dommes and Mistresses as well as Women, Age Range, Distance etc. Should get you a pool of candidates. If you draw a blank there, maybe the 'other place' might work. Fetlife.  

[TxFrank]

12 hours ago, weaslekit said:

.... Sounds like a lot of hard work, hey?

Respectfully,  that should be the easiest part. Figuring out exactly how they wish to be pleased and making yourself useful is far more of a challenge.  Female Dominants, like anyone else in a relationship,  have wants and needs. What so many of these complainers don't understand is the Her desires come first. It's not Burger King where you get it your way, She's not your mommy to wait on you hand and foot.

You want a Female Dominant but don't want to pay? Fine. Find out what pleases her.

I know how she wants her laundry washed, dried and folded. She likes her eggs over medium with salt and black pepper. She prefers her coffee fresh ground and brewed in a French press and is allergic to soy.

It's not all about spank and wank. It's about serving. If you're not willing to serve are you really submitting or is it just a way to get off?

[VK****]

7 minutes ago, VKD said:

A bit of mansplaining to a man. You have a Crown on your profile. You can add extra filters to your Browse options, that's the ticket you have bought. Try filtering for Dommes and Mistresses as well as Women, Age Range, Distance etc. Should get you a pool of candidates. If you draw a blank there, maybe the 'other place' might work. Fetlife.  

Further to my epistle of the 4th inst. You're in Chicago!! ***y hell man, all sorts going on there, so many Munches and Ropes and raunchier stuff...
Here's a bit of advice that I normally drop to Newbie Subs...

 

Then go to this site, register but no pictures and ignore the questions, you are there to discover not advertise. Look for your home city or the nearest one, then search for the Groups. Munches are the safe way in.

Oops, almost left my fetlife.com link in there, usually gets my message trashed and a million demerit points!
You don't need to be quite so careful as a man, FL is a bit of a cess pit in the US, hook-up central, but you will find the good people there, make excellent friends, find out loads about your local scene, including who to avoid. So be a Good Boy (sorry), give it a whirl and see what you can find. From memory, the North Shore Munch has been going a long while, beers on the beach. Give it a go. A Munch is a social evening in a bar. No playing, no outrageous clothes, you are mingling with vanilla folks. In fact, even hitting on folks is majorly disagreeable, scares people away. You can offer your details, but don't ask for them from others. 

[Deleted Member]

Sounds like he needs to be broken-in and taught how to be a proper sub. smh - such prey.

[Themachinist77]

I think there is a misconception/lack of understandung to the dom/sub life Vs. Just wanting a relationship where the girl isn't as submissive as most and the guy is also isn't as dominant.

I thought I wanted a femdom. Quickly Learned that nope. I'm just looking for a sexually open and assertive woman for LTR.

Do i want to " serve as someones ? Hell no. " Would I make you breakfast the way you like it? Yes.

[vicvega]

This conversation is very confusing. @weaslekit seems to be asking a question from a sub perspective then answering her own question from a Domme perspective . And who is @VKD quoting about ‘mansplaining’? Who lives in Chicago?!! Weaselkit is in Cumbria…???

[VK****]

13 minutes ago, vicvega said:

This conversation is very confusing. @weaslekit seems to be asking a question from a sub perspective then answering her own question from a Domme perspective . And who is @VKD quoting about ‘mansplaining’? Who lives in Chicago?!! Weaselkit is in Cumbria…???

I was replying to SeekingDomme2obey, who lives in Bristol on the outskirts of Chicago.

[vicvega]

Thanks for clarifying. I feel I'm missing half the conversation. Ah well.

[AKA_Copper]

18 minutes ago, vicvega said:

This conversation is very confusing. @weaslekit seems to be asking a question from a sub perspective then answering her own question from a Domme perspective . And who is @VKD quoting about ‘mansplaining’? Who lives in Chicago?!! Weaselkit is in Cumbria…???

Interesting. That's not how I read Weaselkit's post at all. For me, they're responding to another OP this week in which the poster was indicating a lack of what they perceived to be 'real' Femdom's. Weaselkit is responding that there are plenty of Femdoms on Fet and is suggesting that if the stypes change their approach, they'd likely find themselves being more sucessful

[VK****]

Back to the actual topic. I have a few Domme friends. Driven up the wall in fustration. We are all aware of Fake Doms, but my eyes have been opened to Flake Subs too. So one friend in particular, job, kids and the full life hassle, parks the kids, scrubs the house, does an amazing job on herself only to be either a) let down at the last minute or b) frantically message after the allotted time and be blanked, with a much later lame apology. It's awful, awful behaviour to put someone through that. I've seen on another thread, "I'd like you to be my Domme, here's MY shopping list of expectations. " Whilst I totally agree that things are negotiable, telling a Domme what will and won't be rather tips the whole power exchange on its head. Subs set limits, Dom(me)s work within them. 

[ey****]

I know I've kinda worked myself into a fortunate place.

(although the key words there are "worked" and what appears to be "fortunate" has it's own downsides to it but that gets a bit convoluted)

I think one of the first thing is a little bit kinda numbers and stats - but I certainly think if you take women who are either Dominant, enjoy play deemed Dominant, or would enjoy it in the right setting -  that it's certainly a higher percentage than men would like to believe : but certainly this number narrows a lot the more specifics to the kinks or dynamics that are added.

Like if you were in a line with 10 women who were all Dominants looking for subs - that what works for them would differ along the line.  One might want just one sub in an strict D/s relationship.  One might have a romantic partner and want a sub. One might want lots of subs.  One might switch and be looking for a partner to switch with. One might switch but only looking for a sub as has a Dominant of their own.  One might just want a "normal" relationship which has a bit kink and spice. Another might be totally into FLR - but struggles to see how doing kinks for the subs pleasure is in any way 'female led'.   And so on.

So there really is a narrow pool of matches.

 

But there's lots of people I meet and have different relationships with. Some we might meet, and film, then go our ways and it really is just work.  There's another lady who I am chatting with on WhatsApp right now.   There are ladies who are Pro but have 'owned' subs which are clients.  And ladies who are Pro but have 'owned' subs who are not clients.  And of course, being active on the kink community : plenty who don't work professionally at all - and that's before we even get into sites like this.

And... like... well, in what I'm looking for.... I look at lots of people's profiles who I think are cool, from time to time, and read - and think - that, I know I'm not what they're looking for for whatever reason.  And it doesn't mean they're not real, or fake, or whatever, or that  there is anything wrong with me.

Just that... I can't quite be what they're looking for. And that's OK.   Something I do think that men should grasp, that compatibility is two way.

[ge****]

Spot on as usual Weasel, good to see you back around too - the thing is, and this is a mistake made by many men, both dominant and submissive, is they do keep making the same mistakes over and over and over without actually stepping back and looking at what they can change - more often than not it ends with them blaming anyone but themselves for their lack of "success" - when invariably the issue lies firmly at their own feet.
.
Incorrect expectations, wrong attitude, bad profile, sense of entitlement, it being all about them, wrong approach and many more factors are usually the things to blame - but they fail to see it - they sign up expecting their every fantasy to be fulfilled, and then get frustrated when it's not.
.
That quote from Einstein springs to mind.....

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

[Deleted Member]

Re: original post - the ‘man’ mentioned was 19. 19! He left school a couple of years ago! Course he’s clueless.
-
Re: eyemblacksheep-
“Like if you were in a line with 10 women who were all Dominants looking for subs - that what works for them would differ along the line. One might want just one sub in an strict D/s relationship. One might have a romantic partner and want a sub. One might want lots of subs. One might switch and be looking for a partner to switch with.”
See this? I’m doing the work of at least 3 Dommes here!

Re:VKD
- And this is why I meet people at munches. A social setting where you can talk to anyone, and if subs flake (which the newbs often do) or you don’t hit it off, your evening is not wasted.

[ey****]

one of the other self-fulfilling failures is that a lot will resort to the no-true-scotsman fallacy

you present a Dominant in front of them and they will find a reason why she is not a true Dominant.   And it could be anything.  So it's why a lot will convince themselves that it's not a compatibility issue, it's not their approach, it's that everyone is a fake 

[VK****]

38 minutes ago, Qou said:

Re: original post - the ‘man’ mentioned was 19. 19! He left school a couple of years ago! Course he’s clueless.
-
Re: eyemblacksheep-
“Like if you were in a line with 10 women who were all Dominants looking for subs - that what works for them would differ along the line. One might want just one sub in an strict D/s relationship. One might have a romantic partner and want a sub. One might want lots of subs. One might switch and be looking for a partner to switch with.”
See this? I’m doing the work of at least 3 Dommes here!

Re:VKD
- And this is why I meet people at munches. A social setting where you can talk to anyone, and if subs flake (which the newbs often do) or you don’t hit it off, your evening is not wasted.

Perfect! I've now got her going to York Munch, twice. Absolutely loving it and making excellent friends too. A few genuine prospects too. Thank you. Appreciated. xxxx

 

[we****]

Tuesday at 09:07 PM, vicvega said:

This conversation is very confusing. @weaslekit seems to be asking a question from a sub perspective then answering her own question from a Domme perspective . And who is @VKD quoting about ‘mansplaining’? Who lives in Chicago?!! Weaselkit is in Cumbria…???

Such is the life of a switch. If you have a question, feel free to ask

[we****]

Tuesday at 09:26 PM, CopperKnob said:

Interesting. That's not how I read Weaselkit's post at all. For me, they're responding to another OP this week in which the poster was indicating a lack of what they perceived to be 'real' Femdom's. Weaselkit is responding that there are plenty of Femdoms on Fet and is suggesting that if the stypes change their approach, they'd likely find themselves being more sucessful

Succinctly clarified. Thank you