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Sub wanting to domme

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I have been a sub for many years now although I have been interested in being more dominant aswell. I have finally found someone who is a switch which has now allowed me to explore the dominant side of myself. I am finding it somewhat difficult though to push past the submissive side of myself and was just looking for abit of advice or some tips from people that have gone through similar things and hear what has helped them

Find your own style - Don't try to recreate someone else's style or it will feel fake. You don't have to be serious, you don't have to wear black - all you need to do is be in charge. You can do it however you like. When I first started I found verbal stuff the hardest - I was a nice person, it felt really weird to degrade someone verbally. My mind would go blank or I would feel bad saying it. Now I have a mouth like a sewer and think nothing of saying all sorts of things in a session but it takes time. You can set tasks - anything really, housework, a craft project, learn a song etc. This establishes your Dominance because it is an order that they follow. Then you offer a reward or a punishment for compliance or failure. This can be quite a fun way to explore you Dominant side and you can get quite creative with your tasks.

like a lot of things there's subtle bits of context missing which could help.

For example, what made you want to also Dominate, what do you want to do?  Is the other persons switch interests in line with your Dominant ones?  Do you see them as submissive to you if they also Dominate you?

Some people have trouble switching with the same person, some people do not.

Which bits do you struggle with? Can you get your partner to do certain responses, at least for a time being, to help you get into a natural stride?

  • 3 weeks later...

Ask yourself why, why top? What is it you want to gain from it?

If its to give back what you recieved then thats valid but may not be a good enough motivation for some..

Id just say... figure out why you want to top and once you know what it is you want, you will much easier be able to act out this role.


Remember role play is our friend in scary new experiences, you may be scared but detective niki loves to interigate her suspects and torture them into giving information.

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