Disappointing first encounter

[sa****]

Today, after a year of talking, I had a first encounter with someone that was to submit to me.  The determination was there but, of course, there was hesitation. Once the communication was FINALLY received and agreed upon, I went on my way. Specific direction was given and it was made clear that disobedience would not be tolerated. The door was to be left unlocked for my entrance. He was to be blindfolded, naked, sitting on his knees, and his back to the door. I wasn't as prepared as I'd have hoped but time was of the essence.
I arrive and enter the door. I walk into the room and immediately see that the direction was not followed. Instead, he decides to ad lib the encounter and do what he wants. This threw everything off - this is where I failed as the dominant. I provide direction to move away from the wall. Not only was he against the wall but he had on a tank top, fish net knee highs and a thong/plug.  It wasn't until later when I saw other restrictions on his cock and balls. While I appreciated the effort, I was very disappointed because he chose to be a brat and do what he wanted instead of following my direction.  I kept the encounter brief and left once I was satisfied enough to get the first between us out of the way.
Later, I received several texts that broke every inkling of trust. The level of disappointment makes me want to return with my paddle to provide punishment. Unfortunately,  with this disaster of a first encounter together I don't believe I will be returning.

[Deleted Member]

Why a year of talking... Year? I am sorry for the bad encounter, but you should have left ASAP! You should have not "satisfied enough to get the first", but left." His behaviors were not Brat. The whole situation has the makings of "Red Flags the Movie".

[ThumperG]

You should not have given him anything at all. You should have told him he has 24 hours to get his act together OR be gone. He needs to realize that he is more than replaceable, as there are many more of them than there are of US. That's part of the reasons why some Mistresses keep multiples. WHY? Simple math honey... because the stats are in our favor. The key is finding a viable quality one. I wouldn't have done anything once I saw him out of position and not dressed as instructed. DO NOT tolerate these so called brats because it's just an excuse to use a different word for downright blatant disrespect AND disobedience as you and others have found out since the verbiage showed up awhile back. I'm old honey, been around since the 80's and you pull half the crap I've heard goes on? You get sent somewhat to stay somewhere else to get your head recalibrated for a month or so... and we move another sub into your house so that way that household doesn't fall. Most of my friends used to live this lifestyle 24/7 so it was different~disrespectful behavior AND excuses for it wasn't considered as acceptable or trying to sweep it under the carpet as a possible norm yk? Give them an inch sweetie and you'll see how they'll try to take a mile and THIS was the first encounter ehhh? Learn your lesson with this one... IMO cut him loose cuz he's disobedient dead weight. He just topped you from the bottom in several ways~LET THAT SINK IN. There are a bunch more out there that won't do that and will keep themselves in their proper place and if you decide to keep them around long term? Then you can see successfully mold them more into what you need them to be for you and also what they need to be as better subs for themselves. I hope this helps because once you get into the bad habits of letting things slide then you'll be more willing to do it and make excuses and allow these brats and other willful people try their hand at stepping over the line. YOUR line in the sand is drawn for a reason~this is not let's make a deal.
Sending out much luck & powerful vibes to you so YOU can regain your center back again~Mistress XOXO 😉💜😎

[ge****]

To be honest two things spring to mind - either he is new to the situation and lifestyle and thought, naively, those "extras" would please you - or he's not at all new and wanted things his way regardless.
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The first can be forgiven and worked on through open and honest communication and explaining to him why it was wrong, as it took away your control of a situation where he'd agreed to give up control.
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The second is a major red flag and actually shows very controlling behaviour and wanting things *his* way.
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Only you can know which is appropriate here OP and only you can decide whether you wish to take things further or cut all communication and some of that may depend on how invested you are in the person.
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Either way it goes to show how no matter how much or how long you talk to someone without meeting them you can't truly know until you do so whether they are all they claim to be. Which is why it pays to have a social meeting first so you can get that in person "feel" for someone before play.
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Personally I'd have immediately called a halt to any play, and either left the room, or insisted he remove everything, get dressed and sit down to talk it through.

[Deleted Member]

I have 3 young ladies all mid to late 20s that have arranged cnc meets.
They won't do a social meet or talk on the phone.
A, has turned up 3 times locked herself in her car sat for hours in silence then drove away.
B, has tuned up twice sat in her car for 10 minutes then sped off. She lives near me and I see her in the street regular.
C, always starts conversations with how desperate she is to realise her top fantasy, first time she turned up sat in her locked car for 4 hours then left, twice turned up got out of her car walked about 20-30 meters then ran back to her car and drove off.

[Deleted Member]

49 minutes ago, ThumperG said:

He just topped you from the bottom in several ways.

Good call, and saw this too. OP, don't want be negative towards you, but everybody needs to be aware/cautious of these kinds of actions.

Edited January 16, 2023 by Deleted Member
Misunderstanding

[ge****]

18 minutes ago, Spanker1629 said:

I have 3 young ladies all mid to late 20s that have arranged cnc meets.
They won't do a social meet or talk on the phone.
A, has turned up 3 times locked herself in her car sat for hours in silence then drove away.
B, has tuned up twice sat in her car for 10 minutes then sped off. She lives near me and I see her in the street regular.
C, always starts conversations with how desperate she is to realise her top fantasy, first time she turned up sat in her locked car for 4 hours then left, twice turned up got out of her car walked about 20-30 meters then ran back to her car and drove off.

Not sure how that's relevant to the OP to be honest but if it's happened as you describe I can understand nerves and the whole fantasy vs reality thing getting the better of them - but is perhaps a discussion for a thread of its own rather than *** this one and taking it off track.

[McGraw]

There’s as good as zero chance of it being the same person but I once knew of someone like that who seemingly made it his life’s work to test the patience and resolve of everyone around him and not in a healthy way. After he breached one of someone else’s hard limits that was him so I think are best rid if this individual either fails to understand your instructions to the acceptable standard or fails/refuses to act on them this early on.

[FETMOD-TF]

I have done some house keeping on this thread and removed a couple of the comments.

Please remember to stay on topic and this is not the place to threaten others with how they should be treated,  its also goes against the Code of Conduct. 

[ThumperG]

1 hour ago, FETMOD-TF said:

I have done some house keeping on this thread and removed a couple of the comments.

Please remember to stay on topic and this is not the place to threaten others with how they should be treated,  its also goes against the Code of Conduct. 

Of course you did .. now go to the cake thread and reinstall the response button there IF you're going to pull a fake policing move here ok? It's been done there as well. AND as far as what you said.... IF someone addresses something and doesn't take the thread sideways...and expresses humor.... Then be fair and take off the other one here that was addressed regarding the FEMALE subs. The TRIPLE one. You're welcome... I'm sure you'd want your attention brought to it since they were told to not HIJACK the conversation and have yet to have THEIR comments removed. 😉

[FETMOD-GP]

24 minutes ago, ThumperG said:

Of course you did .. now go to the cake thread and reinstall the response button there IF you're going to pull a fake policing move here ok? It's been done there as well. AND as far as what you said.... IF someone addresses something and doesn't take the thread sideways...and expresses humor.... Then be fair and take off the other one here that was addressed regarding the FEMALE subs. The TRIPLE one. You're welcome... I'm sure you'd want your attention brought to it since they were told to not HIJACK the conversation and have yet to have THEIR comments removed. 😉

You've been told by one mod to wind your neck in, now I'm telling you also.....carry on and it will be points .......thank you 

[ThumperG]

5 minutes ago, FETMOD-GP said:

You've been told by one mod to wind your neck in, now I'm telling you also.....carry on and it will be points .......thank you 

 

5 minutes ago, FETMOD-GP said:

You've been told by one mod to wind your neck in, now I'm telling you also.....carry on and it will be points .......thank you 

I haven't received my points to send gifts for a week.... It wants me to buy them and I can ONLY spank most ppl but not my CLOSEST friend here. I had things but they disappeared and  and my neck as you put it has been in.... You can take my humor As it was explained to you AND others here as you wish. But if you wish to correct things then correct what needs to be going on here and begin with giving my points back and allowing full access lol. I HAVE been kind and NOT said word one to you ppl about this malfunction for at least a week. Because last time I said anything to you, the same attitude GODLY attitude was exhibited. I'm so thankful I'm a stateside NATIVE person. Another time I had an issue and just decided once again to drop it. Soooo whilST you're adjusting things... Before you think of chastising anyone correct the spank issue it's been going on for week that I didn't do approach you about because every time I approach somebody here it seems to go backwards and nothing gets done except more monitoring. Thank you. And God evening I know it's 6 AM by you 😉

[Ch****]

Relying on a sub you haven't personally trained to have so much prepped is a large risk when your expectations are high. subs that may or may not have had true training still haven't had Your training, so their understanding of what punishments may come their way if they don't obey the stated rules (and your personal hard limits) or negotiations made out of respect for one another as individuals, shouldn't be Expected to be held. You should expect them to get it wrong... by accident or on purpose. This was obviously on purpose, so you have to ask yourself, was it purposeful out of disrespect, to entice you to punish him (topping from the bottom)? Either way, it shouldn't be tolerated... and that needs to be demonstrated Immediately.
I'm sorry this happened in this way. But as a Dominant, by staying and not punishing him right at the start, by not telling him to strip off everything he shouldn't have had on and not assuming the proper position as you negotiated and commanded and trying again till he gets it right, etc... he won that round...

[Deleted Member]

Not sure about the random convo going on below however; it sounds more like you’re venting here @sassngrace, and thank you firstly for sharing.
For me and my partners, there have been many times where what it said and (seemingly) mutually agreed upon conditions aren’t always followed through. This is not only frustrating but a waste of time which also feels, annoying.

Don’t let one bad experience keep your head to low for too long. You’ll have more chances and opportunities in the future which will make this encounter non existent.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, ThumperG said:

It's ok... Too bad you can't like my comments here anymore huh? It usually takes about three or four before they remove the hearts from mine so nobody can be positive towards me in the least. lolol 😂 Oh well, we agree on some of this but I'm a NYer and some of it is sarcasm but some of it's not, some of it just my humor. I do see where you're coming from, nobody flourishes in a bubble. 

🤗😘💖💖💖

[FETMOD-GP]

1 hour ago, ThumperG said:

 

I haven't received my points to send gifts for a week.... It wants me to buy them and I can ONLY spank most ppl but not my CLOSEST friend here. I had things but they disappeared and  and my neck as you put it has been in.... You can take my humor As it was explained to you AND others here as you wish. But if you wish to correct things then correct what needs to be going on here and begin with giving my points back and allowing full access lol. I HAVE been kind and NOT said word one to you ppl about this malfunction for at least a week. Because last time I said anything to you, the same attitude GODLY attitude was exhibited. I'm so thankful I'm a stateside NATIVE person. Another time I had an issue and just decided once again to drop it. Soooo whilST you're adjusting things... Before you think of chastising anyone correct the spank issue it's been going on for week that I didn't do approach you about because every time I approach somebody here it seems to go backwards and nothing gets done except more monitoring. Thank you. And God evening I know it's 6 AM by you 😉

Please keep to the OP and if you have issues either raise a ticket with support or use the SOS forum here. Last and final warning now to keep on topic thank you!!! 

[AKA_Copper]

I find the use of language interesting
1. You say "once the communication was finally..." suggesting that there were some difficulties? First red flag
2. You refer to the lack of following agreed direction "brat" behaviour. Maybe there's a lack of context, I don't know but that's not what it strikes me as, with this I agree with Gemini's view but, 2nd red flag
Next
Why would you want to return with your paddle? Not only do I feel that you shouldn't undertake such "play" in anger and certainly not without trust which you suggest is broken but, if that's what the individual is seeking, you'd be playing into their hands by continuing any form of arrangement.
Without being disrespectful, if someone isn't able to meet my boundaries, i'd walk and that's exactly what I've done in the past.

[ge****]

49 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

I find the use of language interesting
1. You say "once the communication was finally..." suggesting that there were some difficulties? First red flag
2. You refer to the lack of following agreed direction "brat" behaviour. Maybe there's a lack of context, I don't know but that's not what it strikes me as, with this I agree with Gemini's view but, 2nd red flag
Next
Why would you want to return with your paddle? Not only do I feel that you shouldn't undertake such "play" in anger and certainly not without trust which you suggest is broken but, if that's what the individual is seeking, you'd be playing into their hands by continuing any form of arrangement.
Without being disrespectful, if someone isn't able to meet my boundaries, i'd walk and that's exactly what I've done in the past.

I agree and find a lot of the responses here interesting to say the least - mainly because I suspect if this had been a dominant mam posting about the actions of a submissive woman the reactions would have been somewhat different.
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Whilst it's "possible" the actions of this guy were motivated by topping from the bottom type behaviour or worse - it's also "possible" he was just acting naively and trying to please - yet he's been tarred with the first brush without, in the main, consideration being given to the second.
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I actually think mistakes were made on both sides, which the OP acknowledges yet the majority of the responses have overlooked that.

[AKA_Copper]

10 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

I agree and find a lot of the responses here interesting to say the least - mainly because I suspect if this had been a dominant mam posting about the actions of a submissive woman the reactions would have been somewhat different.
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Whilst it's "possible" the actions of this guy were motivated by topping from the bottom type behaviour or worse - it's also "possible" he was just acting naively and trying to please - yet he's been tarred with the first brush without, in the main, consideration being given to the second.
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I actually think mistakes were made on both sides, which the OP acknowledges yet the majority of the responses have overlooked that.

Absolutely, I definitely think if we were to switch the genders the comments would be completely different! We're seeing (amongst other things 😂😂) gender biases at play here without a doubt.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst it's "possible" the actions of this guy were motivated by topping from the bottom type behaviour or worse - it's also "possible" he was just acting naively and trying to please - yet he's been tarred with the first brush without, in the main, consideration being given to the second.
 

You are right about that, but my thinking came from their ending. Would a person only wanting to please Burn their ending.

[sa****]

6 minutes ago, kiseu said:

You are right about that, but my thinking came from their ending. Would a person only wanting to please Burn their ending.

It is imperative that it is remembered there is always more to the story. I may elaborate to give more

[sa****]

It is imperative that it is remembered there is always more to the story. I may elaborate to give more color

[sa****]

8 hours ago, Spanker1629 said:

I have 3 young ladies all mid to late 20s that have arranged cnc meets.
They won't do a social meet or talk on the phone.
A, has turned up 3 times locked herself in her car sat for hours in silence then drove away.
B, has tuned up twice sat in her car for 10 minutes then sped off. She lives near me and I see her in the street regular.
C, always starts conversations with how desperate she is to realise her top fantasy, first time she turned up sat in her locked car for 4 hours then left, twice turned up got out of her car walked about 20-30 meters then ran back to her car and drove off.

What was the point of sharing this?

[ey****]

Based on what is above

I understand how disappointing it is to have a bad experience.  There's obviously a lot of context missing and only he will really know his reason for not following instructions (whether it was to brat, whether he thought he was adding something, or whether he was completely clueless) I don't know if it might have been better to give him a chance to follow the correct instructions but of course you're already thrown.  I probably wouldn't have blamed you, with things being so far wrong from what was asked, to abandon the whole thing

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, kiseu said:

You are right about that, but my thinking came from their ending. Would a person only wanting to please Burn their ending.

But we don't know what the ending was - which comes back to CK's comment about context and knowing the full story - all we know is what the OP found on her arrival, and that she stayed long enough to be "satisfied enough" whatever that may mean, and that he then sent texts, without knowing the details of them beyond a high level generic comment that they broke trust.
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So on the whole, like many other threads like this everything is mostly conjecture based on the "facts" presented from one side.
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As I said if this thread had been posted by a dominant man about a submissive woman the responses would have been wildly different in the main and probably have included a "how dare you treat a woman like that" somewhere along the line.