Deleted Member Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Right. This is a long one. 😂 sub / dom. What is it to you. So I will quickly give u my backstory. Am peach 🍑 i am a bbw and I am the juiciest peach you will ever eat. Sorry couldn't resist 😂 anyhoo sub dom relationship has many layers to me. And will be different to everyone else. To me being a sub is life. It's hardwired into me. I had to grow up fast due to not having the best life. Was living myself at 17. So I've always had to have a huge level of controle in my life. (Gose deeper than just having a house but trying to keep it short as I can) when I was 17/18 I met a man. I always was a bbw but was ashamed and never embraced my beauty. So having a "hot" 28 year old man into me was in my head insane. I did everything I could to please him to keep him and make him happy. I realise that's where my sub side started. Even though I was the dom 😂 . He would tell me what to do what he liked. And I would because I would do anything to make him happy. He loved me stomping on his balls with my 6inch heels on. And trampling his back. Knife play on his balls or pins through them alot of things that most men would consider a hard limit. This was my first sexual relationship. I was threw in the deep end. But I did it all the keep a man. Hey I liked the power too. But more so having them collapse in sexual pleasure than the control power of it. Things turned bad. Long story he was mental emotional verbal abusive. (Rape aswell) he is currently in jail still for another 8 year cause he literally couldn't stop raping woman. He had control of my entire life. Limited and separated friends/family from me. I gave him all the power and controle cause I thought it was love. If I prove myself enough he will trust me. Just needs to take time and all that shite. His mental abuse left a huge imprint in me. Am I still a sub ? Yes. Why? Because in a world where I do everything. Sex is the only time I can allow myself to lose control. To lose myself in the sexual intoxicating sub dom connection. It is hardwired into me. BUT it's real for me. I don't give the tiltle to anyone. I can and have been in relationship for year and not made them my dom. Sex is sex. Love making is literally making love. Fucking is when u want that good hard fuck. To me bdsm can come into all of them without it being sub/dom. On here I get guys alot messaging me saying you sub or dom without even saying hi. And as soon as I reply sub. They expect me to be there sub cause there a "dom" and they demand it 😂 it don't work that way. (Not saying all guys are like that btw) to me it's a tiltle I don't just give to men. It's a bond. A connection. Almost like being in love. You would do ANYTHING for them. And so many people seem to think that you can only be sub or dom. Some people like aspects of sub/dom life without being either. Like I feel like so many people are now "subs" just cause they seen 50 shades and they like a good spanking so they think they should call men daddy now. Like I am a million % all for exploring your sexuality and boundaries. But I feel like so many people are using the word dom and sub without understanding or living it. And can be a let down for when u are trying to get into a new dom relationship. Like yes everyone needs to start somewhere. But people acting like your guys the master of all doms and you would do anything for him when you have just started being his "sub" for less than a day. For me dom is layered on communication bond trust and MANY other things and can't be granted to any man or woman just cause there now looking for a new sub. What's every one else experience or views on sub / dom. Understand every relationship / sexual relationship is different.
Carolvs Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 I see it in phylosophica things. Some want to feel freedom in their restraints and helplessness while some others seek freedom by restraining to free from their bound reality life.
Deleted Member Posted February 11, 2019 Author Posted February 11, 2019 "It's a bond. A connection. Almost like being in love" Not "almost" sweetie! "More than". With the right person. Who is right for you - a D/S relationship can be the most trusting, deep, connection. Someone that can expand your capacity for love, almost infinitely Sadly lots (guys particularly, sigh) don't quite get it.
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2019 Author Posted February 14, 2019 abuse is not submission, sorry. like you said you put yourself down and here a man see you and pretend to desire you. But in fact he was just using you.
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2019 Author Posted February 14, 2019 Fabseverus yes and no.... this man taught me alot about bdsm and well... different types of sex and how sex isn't just vanilla. I didn't realise he was molding me into what he wanted. And compelelty contoling my head too. Hence why I said I've been in relationship for years without bringing sub/dom into it because for a long time my ex crossed that line between abuse and domination. It took me along time to gain and build up that trust again in both myself and in others
Deleted Member Posted February 14, 2019 Author Posted February 14, 2019 sorry I was lost in translation and I understand what you mean now. That time your relationship sound like a switch one. There is a thin line in bdsm that you need to be in control, and maybe because you were young but also vulnerable you didnt see it coming. Like you said he open the door of bdsm to you and now you cant come back, you taste it and its you. It will be long prob before you find someone you can trust to be at that level again, but I am sure it will happen again, hopefuly for you :)
Deleted Member Posted February 15, 2019 Author Posted February 15, 2019 A D/S relationship is like any other (but potentially more intense). Essentially, trust and love. Or fakery. I'm MaleDom so read comment in that light. Both Dom and Sub make themselves vulnerable, more so than "conventional" relationships. She opens her heart and body. He does socially unacceptable things. Both vulnerable. Which shared vulnerability opens the door to the deepest soul connection. Love infinite. Fakers say the words, use the whip, abusively. So not the same
3S**** Posted February 16, 2019 Posted February 16, 2019 I agree letting yourself be used is a sign of submission. Same with being molded by someone else. You're basically saying they know what's best for you and are an authority figure and so submit to them (probably because you trust them too). I'm not going to say what i think is healthy or not because many people enjoy being used and molded, i personally wouldn't enjoy it myself that's all and i wouldn't stay in a relationship where i felt like this was happening. Obviously non-consensual anything is abuse. People go on about dynamics, power, in BDSM thinking it's something special. But my opinion is that all people will submit or dominate others (or try to) or treat others as equals, usually they will do a combination of all these subliminally because it's the way we have all been socialised and how come hierarchies exist. Patriarchy means men think they are the leaders and dominants, feminism says it's not so and that we should be treated as equals. Matriarchy turns that right around and says women are...but how many guys into femdom think about matriarchy when seeking someone dominant rather than seeking a female partner who dresses up in whatever clothing fetish he desires and caters to his kink needs? So that's my opinion from the dominant side of things. I'd say when i do things that please my partner, because he pleases me, i possibly am being submissive to him with the expectation of reciprocation. I'm also the one in control because he lets me do whatever i wantand i choose to do what i know he'd enjoy because i don't feel a need to abuse anyone to get what i want and i sought out a compatible partner who would enjoy the things i like anyway.
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