Megan-3228 Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Hey everyone I'm Megan. Even though I have been on this site for over a year this is my first time making a forum thread. I'm hoping to gain some insight from those who have been in the scene a long time like myself. Two years ago there was an individual who made advances at me that I denied at every turn. Thought this individual had moved on. Encountered the same guy the other day out in town. Wasn't going to entertain him because of our past history. The guy ended up making a lewd comment when I went to leave. Since that day I keep thinking to myself "why would you make a comment to me like that. How stupid can you be?" Why is this older guy still fixated on a younger woman? Even though the comment was about a part of my body I'm proud of it's like why can't you handle the rejection? Would appreciate any feedback.
Ki**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Sorry for all what you went thru, some dudes don't know how to handle rejection. Just don't bother and enjoy kink
Go**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Possibly because those who are not emotionally mature or secure enough within themselves project this onto others when they are rejected and their ego and pride has been wounded.
PJ**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Because he's an immature man baby that never learnt how to interact with people on a social level properly 🤷🏻♂️ theres not really any other reason. His ego cant handle rejection and he probably feels like he has to do dumb stuff like that to bolster himself. . Its shitty that that happened, nobody should have to put up with that! Unfortunately it's not something you can always avoid cos sometimes people just suck and being decent human beings!
Is**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Think of the contrast between the female and make experience , either in kink or online . Women can pretty much guarantee a meeting or more ... if they wish to lower their standards enough . But female psychology is so much more about personal attraction that some (?many) choose to do without rather than accept someone who doesn’t meet their individual criteria . On the other hand , men , online or in kink , are dependent on the ladies to accept them . Society expects men to make the initial approaches ... but often fails to educate cis men on productive ways to do so ( which is why they often jump straight to sex talk without getting to know the other person). And male psychology is more fragile than it appears . So rejection often is more deeply felt . That means if men see a glimmer of hope from someone , they will often try and try again . Or try to badger a woman into acceptance by aggressive tactics . It’s not a good way to be from either side if the fence . Matters are not helped that women sometimes struggle to say No Thanks in a clear way ... silence or subtlety being more usual ... which leads to unclear signals and mixed messages . Of course , sometimes an outright or the ( recipients) perception of a degrading No can result in Male aggression too , so easy to understand why some women feel subtlety is required. These are , of course , all major generalisations . But the stereotypes are true enough to work with . I expect there will be contrarian replies ... some of which may contain kernels if truth too . There is no perfect solution . Try to be clear about saying No . Don’t do it in a humiliating or degrading way . But expect that some men will always have a problem with rejection , and act accordingly if you get any warning signs . ( the opposites can also apply .. they say people show their true character in adversity , so a polite and gentlemanly acceptance of your No Thanks could lead you to positively re-evaluate that man’s character) . So now , let the arguments on this point of view commence ...
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 (edited) . Edited February 16, 2023 by Deleted Member Duplicate comment posted twice
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Agree with most of the comments already made… this is more about his insecurity than anything to do with you. In his mind, making comments about you moves focus from himself when in fact the opposite is true. Don’t let him get you down, remember you are the better person. Take care.
QXX666 Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Nobody likes rejection. Some people deal better than others. You made the decision in your own right to not pursuing his advance and in a vanilla set up most men would have move on. In kinky world some don’t take it well emotionally because they think they have the god gift. Personally you should just leave to him to reflect on his behaviour. Don’t get yourself *** by his nasty comment. Btw why would you talk to him in the first place ?
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 I have to agree with NWKinkyGent. I think it can sometimes feel like failure when you're advances are spurned. A well balanced male will accept it and move on, others who aren't quite so accepting will take on a 'its not me, it's them' type attitude which is inevitably full of macho, bravado thinking. Hence the comments and sometimes put downs. It's sad but true and ultimately all on them, not you. I feel for women in this situation but as a guy (hopefully a well balanced one) I can only imagine how draining it must be.
mo**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Sounds like he just can’t handle rejection. Hopefully you never have to see him again
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 It's kind of sad to be honest. Growing up I took rejection very hard because deep down I didn't feel I deserved a partner. That puts you into a desperation mentality which is not remotely attractive and eventually led me into a bad marriage that wasted a lot of years of my life that I'll never get back. These days I'm very selective about partners - I'm into a lot of extreme kinks and therefore I know my potential dating pool is very small, so I just want to identify as early as possible if someone is a good match for me or not - and if not I want to move on as fast as possible as that will save us both a lot of time. Life is short and it's pointless wasting time on partners who aren't going to work out. So now I'm always grateful for rejections as it saves me time. Don't let this douche get you down - he's definitely got issues. That kind of behaviour, making lewd comments about you, is not about you at all - it's all about hiding his own desperation and need by trying to assert any power over you that he can.
Lord_Talion Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Some ppl think they deserve to get what they want just cause they're dominant, regaurdless of what you think. Pathetic ubber-doms
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Some people cling to that rejections as if it’s always a signal that they are somehow “lacking” in some way. Doing little spiteful things like this is a way to retain a little bit of what they may have “lost” through that rejection. It’s a sign of insecurity and everyone does it a little sometimes, but it can be particularly sh1tty when those who consider themselves “dominant” refuse to admit that they aren’t perfect for everyone all the time. As if they can *** their way into what they want in every scenario. The loss of control is offensive to them, so they think they can either hurt you continually or simply beat you (mentally and/or physically) until you relent. It’s pretty pathetic.
CopperKnob Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Entitlement, immaturity. Sounds like you made a good choice
ey**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 there is also this persistence issue (something Rom Coms don't help with) that there are folk believe if they keep asking eventually the other person will be woo'd but I guess also, as a common entitlement issue - a lot of men know if they keep asking a no often becomes a yes to shut someone up
se**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 He is very lucky you were nice to walk away. If he did that to a wrong woman, she would called him out, and make everybody look at him.
se**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 35 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: there is also this persistence issue (something Rom Coms don't help with) that there are folk believe if they keep asking eventually the other person will be woo'd but I guess also, as a common entitlement issue - a lot of men know if they keep asking a no often becomes a yes to shut someone up Yeah... my uncle did that and married my aunt.🙈 But... she's the boss.😅
Wi**** Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 You killed his ego, by rejection. He thinks he can get anyone anytime. However you were not interested. He doesn't understand what rejection really is. In fewer words. He's butt hurt
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 He’s lucky that you were nice and didn’t call him out openly. Some people think they deserve, whatever they like and go to any length to take it. He may have body of a grown man but has a maturity of a 4 year old. So just ignore him and enjoy
Matttster Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 He acted that way because there are still just that many assholes out there. Is he compensating for his insecurities? Is he just trying to feel tough by reiterating to your rejection? Does he feel he is better than you? Or was he just raised to be an ass and knows no better? Unfortunately it seems the uncivil and stupid breed faster than the the civil and intelligent. One can just hope that Darwinism will weed them out, you know enough women ignore his type so they are not able to breed and reproduce. I am well aware that there will not be strides in this in my life time. I can just hope that it will be better for my kids (and even better for my eventual grandchildren). I can just congratulate you Megan-3228 for standing up for yourself and encourage you to continue to do so. It is that strength that is needed to improve society.
Deleted Member Posted February 16, 2023 Posted February 16, 2023 Right. I can say before I started transitioning i was this guy some what. I learned i never tried to move on. Now I have learned just move on, If it’s something it will come back. Yeah i had a very hard time with rejection And would say mean things because of it That stinks. Im glad im mot that guy anymore
LE**** Posted February 17, 2023 Posted February 17, 2023 because he felt hurt. and he wanted to hurt you back. thats all. adults are not that different from kids except they have car keys, debt, and a job
Megan-3228 Posted February 17, 2023 Author Posted February 17, 2023 18 hours ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said: Possibly because those who are not emotionally mature or secure enough within themselves project this onto others when they are rejected and their ego and pride has been wounded. You would think that age would add to his maturity but guess I was wrong. Like you make a comment about my ass and grab it and I tell you to stop the first time. in addition to telling him no and stop. Why are you still bringing it up when I want nothing to do with you.
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