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WRITTEN April 2021. The sentiment remains the same, the person is out of my life. 


I’ve always identified as submissive (at least since I found out what it was - before that I just assumed I was weird!) but recently I have been made to question this.

A very important someone commented not so long ago that he suspected I was a masochist. It didn’t sit right with me at the time - in my head it meant I enjoyed being “abused” or bruised.

I also believed that being a masochist meant I would enjoy any and all pain and a lot of it.

However, once I picked up the courage to question him I began to understand what he meant.

When we play I enjoy pain. But it isn’t solely that, the way he put it was that how I respond to pain is the key. He can give me gentle pain (a contradiction in terms I know) and I enjoy it and respond but as he deepens and intensifies that sensation it’s like a switch goes off in me and I can’t control myself even if I wanted to (which I don’t).

I had never really thought about it before. I assumed I just enjoyed his control over my body but actually he’s right. With him (and maybe nobody else) I’m a submissive masochist and I’ve learnt that my sexuality is more fluid than I believed.

But, and this is important, it WORKS for US because he’s a dominant sadist (at least that’s how I describe him!).

He’s also a teddy bear and I love him but I’ll be in trouble for telling you that - yes I’m a touch brat too. Sorry Boss 😝

Love X

Congratulations on finding out so much about yourself! And being brave enough to explore what you didn't understand... Good luck on your journey.
This was a good topic thanks for sharing
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