The "Too Much" Submissive

[AKA_Copper]

Dear stypes, raise your hand if you've ever been accused of topping from the bottom, being needy or craving attention. If you've ever felt shamed for wanting to talk, wanting to spend time with your Dom/me. If you've been called too much.

Yeah, me too 🙋‍♀️. I've even been called a brat 🤔. If so, you might like the poem, the Too Much woman by E Whitney.

You know what? We're not the Too Much (wo)man. We are often people that know what our wants, needs and boundaries are.

If you understand your needs, have communicated them clearly, and still encounter the notion of any of the above, well, that person is not for you. Run.


Are you spending your time asking about their day, sending them pics, buying lingerie, buying cute outfits you think they'll like, like it's the January sales all year round? Doing whatever it is you do to maintain your relationship?
That's you putting effort into your relationship. That effort should be reciprocated.

It doesn't matter how busy their lives are, we all have demands on our time. The difference is, how we spend it, so do not accept any of that nonsense.

I work long, often 12hr days. There will be times, due to the environment I'm in I don't have access to my phone for the best part of the day. Even then, I'll be sure to send messages, keeping in touch, maintaining contact and conversation when I can. How much of what I need depends on the stage of the relationship as well as what's going on generally. But like you, I know what I need in a relationship and like the Too Much woman, I know what I need in life to thrive.

Don't get me wrong, I have a want list a mile long, because I'm (greedy) have aspirations. But, I don't need all of those things (other than icecream) and that's the difference, we often know how to differentiate our wants from our needs.

If you know what you personally need from a Dtype, have confidence in that and ask for it. Attention, good morning and good night messages, conversation, in person time, comments on your writing or pictures, orgasms (how novel!). Whatever it is, ask for it.
Remember, your needs are your needs and you have every right to ask that they are met. You are worthy of having your needs met.

Please know that any of the above statements amounts to gaslighting and any Dtype's that confuses brattiness with agency are A* douche canoes 😉

[un****]

not everyone is right for every person different lifestyles aspirations etc etc i could go on about that particular topic for hours but at the end of the day everyone has their needs regardless of which side of it you’re on and i agree those needs need to be fulfilled if they aren’t well its a downward death spiral

[littlemiss37]

Wow this so spoke to me . I noticed as I call him my ex dom was getting distant near the end . I think he done what he did deliberately now to get rid of me . The we can work this out and I'm willing to wait stopped . But in the long run he done me a favour . I now take no rubbish . Also it takes alot to charm me now . I'm also enjoying exploring my certain kinks on my own also now x

[Deleted Member]

I love this. Good read that speaks right into my heart..

[Leisa]

🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️ I have definitely been told I was too much, fill in the blank. It used to be a no brainer of what my wants vs needs were but it’s amazing what one asshat claiming to be a Dtype can change. Along with my wants vs needs, my limits have definitely changed. It’s a process but I know that the right fit will come along.

[Ha****]

There are several variants of Dtypes, from wannabes to the self-respecting. The latter is trained in BDSM, experienced and knows that giving and taking is part of BDSM. Don't get me wrong, everyone starts with little or no knowledge. And, not being educated is not a disgrace, but showing no interest in being educated is.

[Se****]

Ooh I have a whole writing on being too much.

Thing is, we’re never too much for the right person.

But, and don’t faint with surprise, I have been called too much many, many times; i want too much attention, too much time, I question too much, I ask too much, I overthink, I need too much communication.

I don’t need or want to much, I just know what makes me feel safe and secure in a “relationship” - unanswered messages, days of silence and not feeling able to be open and *** are things I definitely don’t need. If that makes me too much I don’t want to be less.

[littlemiss37]

2 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said:

Ooh I have a whole writing on being too much.

Thing is, we’re never too much for the right person.

But, and don’t faint with surprise, I have been called too much many, many times; i want too much attention, too much time, I question too much, I ask too much, I overthink, I need too much communication.

I don’t need or want to much, I just know what makes me feel safe and secure in a “relationship” - unanswered messages, days of silence and not feeling able to be open and *** are things I definitely don’t need. If that makes me too much I don’t want to be less.

I love what u have said . It makes so much sense x

[ge****]

Thing is CK you could apply that to *any* relationship not just D/s - ultimately it comes down to our old friend compatibility and finding someone that offers it - for the right person, no-one is ever "too much" or "too little" for that matter

[AKA_Copper]

6 hours ago, ThatsHard said:

There are several variants of Dtypes, from wannabes to the self-respecting. The latter is trained in BDSM, experienced and knows that giving and taking is part of BDSM. Don't get me wrong, everyone starts with little or no knowledge. And, not being educated is not a disgrace, but showing no interest in being educated is.

I agree but, not the point of the post

[AKA_Copper]

5 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

Ooh I have a whole writing on being too much.

Thing is, we’re never too much for the right person.

But, and don’t faint with surprise, I have been called too much many, many times; i want too much attention, too much time, I question too much, I ask too much, I overthink, I need too much communication.

I don’t need or want to much, I just know what makes me feel safe and secure in a “relationship” - unanswered messages, days of silence and not feeling able to be open and *** are things I definitely don’t need. If that makes me too much I don’t want to be less.

I fainted and fell off the sofa! 😂

[AKA_Copper]

6 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Thing is CK you could apply that to *any* relationship not just D/s - ultimately it comes down to our old friend compatibility and finding someone that offers it - for the right person, no-one is ever "too much" or "too little" for that matter

Yep, agreed

[Se****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

I fainted and fell off the sofa! 😂

lol. I hope you don’t have bruises, people will wonder what you’ve been up to x

[AKA_Copper]

8 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

lol. I hope you don’t have bruises, people will wonder what you’ve been up to x

Hopefully, they'll think it was something fun x

[BruiseWayne]

 

7 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Hopefully, they'll think it was something fun x

Bruises are lots and lots of fun.

 

Just sayin. ;)

[AKA_Copper]

6 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

 

Bruises are lots and lots of fun.

 

Just sayin. ;)

But are Waynes?

[BruiseWayne]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

But are Waynes?

Depends on the Wayne.

 

Wayne Campbell? Party on.

 

Wayne Williams? Not so much...

[AKA_Copper]

7 hours ago, BruiseWayne said:

Depends on the Wayne.

 

Wayne Campbell? Party on.

 

Wayne Williams? Not so much...

Touche 😂