Trained/Conditioned

[Li****]

Fascinated to hear from Sub Roles, especially.

For me, these phrases (seen in title) really are an ick, making me cringe in conversation.
Some people never mention the words, anything related even✨️
Then others, seem to have the mindset it is an obligation as a Sub to be "trained", "whipped into shape", "conditioned", "trained by them specifically to know their role".

From my point of view, no matter the role, it's the individuals' responsibility to educate themselves, learn, read, practice, and watch. Find their own means of understanding plays, safety, consent, equipment, and so on. Or if they choose so, they can learn together safely.

Personally, my submission is earned by a partner further down the line as things progress, the same for intimacy in general. When my mind and body align and feel comfortable to open that door.
If I thought my (future) partner aimed to "train" me into their ideal, and this was assumed because I was a Sub- it would be very short-lived and not work out.
I don't assume to make a Dom 'my version' by training him into the Dom I want. You both just communicate what is expected and mutually agreed as your individual relationship together so we both enjoy it.
The same as some relationships have contracts, some don't. Though, no contract is identical or has the same expectations.

I'm interested in hearing how other Subs take being told they will be "trained" for purpose from someone? Do you expect to be trained? Would you enjoy being crafted into what they expect and other things about you not being tolerated? Would you expect lessons and trials/challenges of this sort?

[Do****]

Not to hijack your thread- but I agree. I never 'train' anyone... we align, explore and hopefully our tastes and intimacy bring us together. Explore, yes. Push, even. But train, no.

[to****]

I’m shocked on your views regarding training. Most subs need a level of training to become a service slave or similar.
Conditioning is a weird one, I’d agree.

[Al****]

You’re absolutely 100% right

[Wa****]

I personally would be willing to be trained and conditioned... if it works for me, too. There's give and take in every relationship, and no matter what, consent and communication always ALWAYS comes first. Otherwise it's just ***.

[no****]

You know what els is an ‘ick’ folk saying ick lol

[Eaglesoar1970]

Not a willing sub

[Da****]

This hits home so hard...❤

[Deleted Member]

My Daddy Dom would never say such a thing. I get guys coming my way talking about how I will be their slave. Never have I had a guy have the entitlement or audacity to say the T word. If he did? I would politely tell him to get bent or f off.

I think maybe folks into pet play wouldnt mind that but that isn't me. I train my dogs. Loving discipline sure but train? Nahhhh I would never.

Submission and dominance are an elegant dance. For my Daddy he is the only guy I have ever called that and before him? I didnt get how a woman could call a man that... He is a lot of firsts for me though I've been about the bdsm life since becoming sexually active. You just have to feel the vibes and ride the waves even the word contract is something that has never come up. He's easy like Sunday morning...submission to him just feels right . i like being his good girl...i feel safe in his presence. I am very much what some call an alpha submissive which isnt a contradiction...just an offshoot submission to an extreme. There is mutual respect and love in the mix always.

With my Daddy? I'm able to just lean fully into my feminine energy and I get hella girly or what some call hard femme I guess...he turns me into all the girly stuff I mocked for a lifetime. But then again there's love in the mix and it isn't just a role stepped into for a moment... It is a lifestyle flow and it feels easy breezy...nothing extreme tho he has a couple of dolls and yeahhh a story for another time... Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

You are the first fellow sub I've met on this site or elsewhere. The following quote from brilliant woman Anais Nin describes my sexuality perfectly, I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, f**ked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."
 

[Pi****]

It's weird. Heading those terms does turn me on in terms of the power play involved, but then again, I choose who trains me. I feel like so many of the men on this app don't understand that and think that they're Dom's/Daddy Doms when really, they just want to control women.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, PinkSelkie97 said:

It's weird. Heading those terms does turn me on in terms of the power play involved, but then again, I choose who trains me. I feel like so many of the men on this app don't understand that and think that they're Dom's/Daddy Doms when really, they just want to control women.

Gurllll that last part..say it loudee for the folks in the back!

[Li****]

2 hours ago, topspur30 said:

I’m shocked on your views regarding training. Most subs need a level of training to become a service slave or similar.
Conditioning is a weird one, I’d agree.

Why do you presume need or that any Sub wants to be a service slave? That is so specific. You can be a Sub and not want to become a slave for use of conditioning and their needs only.
There are women and men who are Subs who don't seek on any level to be a Slave. I'm quite stunned at that response tbh

[Li****]

2 hours ago, WaywardWild said:

I personally would be willing to be trained and conditioned... if it works for me, too. There's give and take in every relationship, and no matter what, consent and communication always ALWAYS comes first. Otherwise it's just ***.

I agree with this in every aspect. If I seek to be trained and that delights, excites, meets expectations, is part of what I need/want, yes I'd expect it as part of my relationship.
If that isn't what I seek, it shouldn't be insulted by people (not yourself but has happened in chats) for seeking other desires in my Sub journey. It should always be a part of communication and consented to, totally

[Li****]

2 hours ago, north-ayrshire530 said:

You know what els is an ‘ick’ folk saying ick lol

If that's your issue, that's your issue. It also won't change me using it for your benefit though, but thanks for contributing.

[Li****]

1 hour ago, Eaglesoar1970 said:

Not a willing sub

Do explain how not needing or wanting training makes me an entirely unwilling Sub?...
And before that, if a man would rather 'Build-A-Sub' like 'Build-A-B*' than take me for my Sub traits, and me their Dom traits, then communicate a good middle ground for us both to work into our new relationship, it would never work.

[Li****]

1 hour ago, aloofalphasub said:

My Daddy Dom would never say such a thing. I get guys coming my way talking about how I will be their slave. Never have I had a guy have the entitlement or audacity to say the T word. If he did? I would politely tell him to get bent or f off.

I think maybe folks into pet play wouldnt mind that but that isn't me. I train my dogs. Loving discipline sure but train? Nahhhh I would never.

Submission and dominance are an elegant dance. For my Daddy he is the only guy I have ever called that and before him? I didnt get how a woman could call a man that... He is a lot of firsts for me though I've been about the bdsm life since becoming sexually active. You just have to feel the vibes and ride the waves even the word contract is something that has never come up. He's easy like Sunday morning...submission to him just feels right . i like being his good girl...i feel safe in his presence. I am very much what some call an alpha submissive which isnt a contradiction...just an offshoot submission to an extreme. There is mutual respect and love in the mix always.

With my Daddy? I'm able to just lean fully into my feminine energy and I get hella girly or what some call hard femme I guess...he turns me into all the girly stuff I mocked for a lifetime. But then again there's love in the mix and it isn't just a role stepped into for a moment... It is a lifestyle flow and it feels easy breezy...nothing extreme tho he has a couple of dolls and yeahhh a story for another time... Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

You are the first fellow sub I've met on this site or elsewhere. The following quote from brilliant woman Anais Nin describes my sexuality perfectly, I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, f**ked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."
 

I smiled so hard to this, but yet, am entirely the same for all things girly and lovey dovey publicly. I'd love to meet a man who can let me enjoy putting my shoulders down, him the reins, and enjoy being so free in feminine grace. I'd love to enjoy all things girly and touchy and feminine and will when the right man opens that channel. The ridiculous thing is about these guys who try to dictate what they will do with me/any if us, is if you made me feel safe and secure in our relationship and dance of life, I'd probably naturally let them have more control over even more things anyway. But training? To me, that's you training me like a slave, dog, puppet, staff member. I don't need that. It's quite a patronising statement if it isn't enjoyed or seeked or doesn't match your kinks/roles etc. I really enjoyed your comment and explanation. Hearing your partnership instilled hope in me internally, so thank you for reading the room and expressing with me🖤🔥

[Li****]

1 hour ago, PinkSelkie97 said:

It's weird. Heading those terms does turn me on in terms of the power play involved, but then again, I choose who trains me. I feel like so many of the men on this app don't understand that and think that they're Dom's/Daddy Doms when really, they just want to control women.

I agree. Obviously from my post, it really doesn't turn me on. But I respect it does others. It's the assumption all Subs should want and need and abide by this.
I've had a lot of people tell me, they are Daddy Doms, but there is such a vibe of lack of care/attentiveness, any kind of Daddy or even responsibility for just a Dom title to be assumed by them. They cut straight into "you will do this" and that isn't a good start at all. (Or for me anyway)
I definitely agree and think there are many who don't begin to learn themselves what these roles involve and just expect it to be no educational journey, but just you do what you want with a woman.
Then there are the quite obviously experienced that give you a bit of background on themselves and their journey, what they seek, the message is respectful, of course.
It never seizes to amaze...

[mm****]

It entirely depends on the person, and I think it’s both foolish and arrogant on the side of the dom to assume every sub needs to be “trained.”
Some subs truly thrive on the structure and predictability of a slave/owner or master relationship and that brings them comfort. Being “broken” May be their chance they take to rebuild themselves, to heal from past traumas, or use it as a building block to better themselves at the hand of a dom who truly has their best interest at heart. Feeling like an object may help them turn off their brain from the stressors of the rest of the world and only focus on the present.

For others, their dominant serves more as a life jacket. They are there to hold up the sub, get them through tough times, and provide comfort and protection.

And for others still, there’s a spectrum between and even outside of these two basic examples.

As far as *every* sub needing to be “trained, broken, and conditioned,” that’s a load of barnacle. If that is what they want and desire and that dynamic and process makes them feel their happiest, strongest, and best, that’s amazing for them- both the sub in their submission to their dom, and the dom in their stepping into the role of caring for and taking responsibility for their sub. Should every sub be “trained” in the education sense? Absolutely. As should every dom.

Personally, I do not like the idea. I have an almost trauma response whenever I’m made to feel like an object, and any “slave owner/master” type dom and I would not be a good fit. I actually got a list of rules from someone who was reaching out (which is another rant in and of itself) that I could and would not follow. Ever. For me, it felt incredibly degrading, and not in the way people enjoy.

Does me not wanting to be broken down and trained in to a dom’s image make me a bad sub? Absolutely not. The role I need from my dom in my life is as someone who builds me up through comfort and positive rein***ment. And any dom that assumes I am not a good sub because I don’t want to be “broken and trained” isn’t a dom. They’re a manipulator. And when they come in with this list of strict rules before any conversation, that ***ts them in a rather bad light as it comes across as cocky and like you won’t actually listen to any of my wants, needs, or desires.

[Vu****]

Maybe it’s just semantics, but for me “training” means either following and supporting subs in their learning journey, or training expert subs into learning what the Dom expects from them. There’s probably always a “phase” of training, even as a Dom I feel in “training” the first couple times, when things are not yet crystal clear.

You could call it “onboarding” and it would have the same meaning to me. Maybe just less erotic lol

[Vu****]

In any case, nobody should expect people to obey them just because they chose a title for their profile. It’s about respect, mutual interest and consent where all the parties are having fun.

[Ch****]

I look at it this way, im a certain type, so i need someone similar. Once found of course they can 'train' me to how they like things BUT not change me. Example, service orianted shouldnt be 'trained' into a little, non sissy into a sissy ect. The basics need to match. So 'training' is more tweaking the relationship, not turning it into something else 😊

[ge****]

I think it comes down to context of how those terms are used to be honest, along with *both/all* concerned being in agreement.
.
There's a huge difference between "I'm going to train you to be a submissive" and "I'm going to train you, with your agreement and open and honest discussion around your desires, limits etc how I like my submissives".
.
Dominants, just as subs, have their own ways and desires, the key is those things either aligning or being agreed to be compromised on.
.
I have no issue with a dominant wanting to train me in their particular ways (for example particular positions they like me to be in, or ways of addressing them etc) if they've explained them and I am in agreement to them - a dominant who tells me I need training how to be a submissive generally though and isn't open to discussion and negotiation is another matter.

[CopperKnob]

I was once told by a 'Dom' that i'm a 'DNA submissive' (yep 😂) before telling me his 'training plan' which was ultimately 'making you into a slut' so, of course me being me asked, 'what if I'm already the sluttiest slut going?"
Undeterred, he suggested I'd be trained to be even sluttier, to SW level 😂😂
At which point that conversation obviously fell on it's arse.
.
Anyway, I've always had this thing about being 'trained' and 'broken'
I am neither a dog nor a horse so these words are instant red flags personally. Too much 💩erotica has been read.
.
You can't 'train' me to be more submissive, there is a direct correlation between my feelings for someone and extent of my submission towards them. The only thing a training program will achieve is for any submission to 🦆 off with me following sharpish.
.
If you like me enough to be in a relationship with me, why break me down to rebuild me into someone different?
.
It's true of any relationship, the individuals in it may adjust behaviours but character and soul, in a healthy relationship, don't tend to change.

[Va****]

Personally, I enjoy the training and conditioning. I was specifically looking for that for myself for multiple reasons... buuut....I think training and conditioning are ultimately going to come naturally to some extent in someone's dynamic no matter the type of sub you are (yes even you brats out there are being trained/conditioned that what you're doing is A-OK).

How do I take being TOLD I will be trained? If that's their conversation starter they're immediately written off. THAT is a major ick for me. They don't know anything about who I am.... I haven't CONSENTED to anything... it's really a big turn off and red flag for me.

Do I expect to be trained? As I stated earlier I think training comes naturally to some extent. I enjoy being of service. So PLEASE teach me and talk to me about how you like things to be done. Anywhere between how He likes is coffee to how I service him in the bedroom to how I present and handle myself out in the world. Please correct me when I don't do them the way they are expected to be done (for Him specifically). I want my Dom to feel respected, cared for, and appreciated and part of how I do that is through acts of service in the ways HE likes it done. He isn't going to feel that way if I'm trying to service him when A) He hasn't asked for it or B) It's not how he enjoys/wants it.

Would I enjoy being crafted into what they expect and other things about myself not being tolerated? As I eluded too earlier, I was specifically looking for this. I desperately wanted to change and improve upon myself. I knew that I needed/wanted all of my broken pieces put back together differently. I knew I needed a different kind of Dom than my priors because they clearly weren't working for me. I was searching to be molded and crafted into something stronger, feminine, graceful, disciplined, and confident. His training and conditioning doesn't just make me better for HIM. It makes me better for ME. I don't feel like I have to loose the qualities about myself that I like and I feel like there should be discussion and consent over those things. When I came to my Dom I was deeply in a place of self hatred and disgust. There was very little of myself that I did like so I was pretty open to a LOT of changes.

Would I expect lessons and trials/challenges of this sort? Yes. I think this comes with the territory. You can't learn if there isn't a lesson and whose to say you've really learned anything if there isn't some sort of testing involved. Being tested is probably my favorite part because it shows me how much I've grown and where I still have room for improvement. It shows my Dom the same thing. Then adjustments are made and the learning and growing can continue.

[Deleted Member]

Well I think that either you misunderstood those messages or they were badly written. To put it simply I always discuss with my subs beforehand to know what they wanna learn/improve on and knowing that I would train/teach her in a more playful way.