Trained/Conditioned

[Li****]

5 hours ago, mrJhon said:

Well I think that either you misunderstood those messages or they were badly written. To put it simply I always discuss with my subs beforehand to know what they wanna learn/improve on and knowing that I would train/teach her in a more playful way.

I'm pretty sure I didn't misunderstand as I've specifically included in my post what they've said word for word.
I've also asked what they meant to clarify and made clear, what I'm not about or seeking.
A quick glance of your profile confirms you have that same one track mindset as some mentioned, thinking that there is only one definition of a Submissive Woman.
But thanks for the time it took commenting anyway

[Deleted Member]

Well than you can stop talking to him block him if needed. As for my profile if you didn't like it, it is simply because it's not aimed for subs like you 😏. Which is fine it's save me a lot of time.

[Li****]

2 hours ago, mrJhon said:

Well than you can stop talking to him block him if needed. As for my profile if you didn't like it, it is simply because it's not aimed for subs like you 😏. Which is fine it's save me a lot of time.

The purpose of creating a discussion was to see other viewpoints (especially sub females) instead of just my own to gain perspective and learn from a community instead of one mindset.
I know my options in managing the one chat.
It's fine that your profile isn't aimed at subs like me, of course. It saves us all the time🙌🏼

[ju****]

I feel that it's all a personal preference. Some submissive's enjoy that, and some don't, and that is fine, this lifestyle has so many options and different types of people. Me personally as a male submissive I wouldn't mind being trained/taught how to please my dominant. That doesn't mean changing who I am as a person, it just means teaching me what they like. And vise versa

[Li****]

2 hours ago, justin4fun said:

I feel that it's all a personal preference. Some submissive's enjoy that, and some don't, and that is fine, this lifestyle has so many options and different types of people. Me personally as a male submissive I wouldn't mind being trained/taught how to please my dominant. That doesn't mean changing who I am as a person, it just means teaching me what they like. And vise versa

I can respect that.
I just value it as we should teach each other how to be each others liveability.
We should want to be each others advocate of all things good and consensual. And for me, I don't need to be told "I need to be broken" to be their ideal. We should naturally just want to be each others and understand each others limits, likes, dislikes, turn ons, and so on.
For a man to tell me "I need to be" is so unappealing and likely to have me withdraw than be seen as respected the same, if you get me?

[Deleted Member]

Nothing worth while comes with ease. You gotta bring value to get value. Only soy boys think they can get a sub woman by simply asking the internet to bring them one without needing to be valuable themselves. #geeks

[Alpha88inu]

The whole idea of a dominant submission relationship is to make your woman or girl little want to submit to you and not having to *** her to do it but you do have to set expectations likes and agree upon this that's different in each case

[Ho****]

I also feel like some training, or at least for me, is training a sub to be more trusting of a dom to go closer to their limits (not beyond, but right up to that line). Kinda seeing it as flipped, I say I'm training them but really they're training me to understand them better. Trust and action...idk if that's even close to what you meant or makes sense😅

[Li****]

3 hours ago, Holmes-Daddy said:

I also feel like some training, or at least for me, is training a sub to be more trusting of a dom to go closer to their limits (not beyond, but right up to that line). Kinda seeing it as flipped, I say I'm training them but really they're training me to understand them better. Trust and action...idk if that's even close to what you meant or makes sense😅

I said I felt more inclined to want open communication where both express what's allowed, what's not, what's liked, what's really disliked, what might want explored (soft limits) and what's a complete no-no. Which is just openly being honest in what's desired and not. Not having to "break", "train", "condition".
It's just learning each other equally. Someone doesn't have to go the extreme of basically saying- "no, I've heard your boundaries and dislikes, but we do what I say and you do what I want".
I've literally had a guy tell me I "came with attitude" and he'd "fix that"😂🤦🏽‍♀️. Like, no. I don't want "fixed".
And being so rude, I'd much quicker tell him to "f* off" than ever trust him with any of me- mind, emotion, body😂.

I don't understand the sense of entitlement to just expect a woman and/or (sub) to bow down and dish out commands!! That isn't how to explain every single D/s relationship. Some? Maybe. Some not? Also true.

Nowhere on my profile does it present to speak to me like that or assume they can, yet they do. *dramatic sigh*

[gu****]

To me your post is like the equivalent of saying porn is an ick because porn is unrealistic and to some sence thats valid but...just because you are not into it doesnt mean its bad automatically lol It also seems like there's some confusion between role play and reality here aswell

[Li****]

Sunday at 05:35 PM, gurthychub said:

To me your post is like the equivalent of saying porn is an ick because porn is unrealistic and to some sence thats valid but...just because you are not into it doesnt mean its bad automatically lol It also seems like there's some confusion between role play and reality here aswell

Explain how there's any confusion on role play and reality? (I've also never mentioned any role play as this was never the context or an expressed interest)
How on earth is it anywhere near what I've written on my post, by saying- "porn is an ick because porn is unrealistic"?
I've said that specific wording, phrasing, such as "breaking a sub", "I'll happily condition you for my needs", and being told that my "no's" are going to be ignored because they will "sort that out" is my ick. My personal disliking for how I'd expect to be approached.
That's nowhere near what you're insinuating as similar about an entire industry being porn.

[Deleted Member]

Well said

[AKA_Copper]

April 6, 2023, Vulkan-8006 said:

Maybe it’s just semantics, but for me “training” means either following and supporting subs in their learning journey, or training expert subs into learning what the Dom expects from them. There’s probably always a “phase” of training, even as a Dom I feel in “training” the first couple times, when things are not yet crystal clear.

You could call it “onboarding” and it would have the same meaning to me. Maybe just less erotic lol

Or, maybe it's really learning about each other's likes, dislikes, preferences. Kinda like any other relationship.

[Deleted Member]

I consider myself to be trained as in completely submissive but every woman is different and may have personal tastes or expectations that might need to be conditioned into me. So I'm open minded and adaptable for such requirements.

[Ba****]

April 6, 2023, mmmmumblr said:

It entirely depends on the person, and I think it’s both foolish and arrogant on the side of the dom to assume every sub needs to be “trained.”
Some subs truly thrive on the structure and predictability of a slave/owner or master relationship and that brings them comfort. Being “broken” May be their chance they take to rebuild themselves, to heal from past traumas, or use it as a building block to better themselves at the hand of a dom who truly has their best interest at heart. Feeling like an object may help them turn off their brain from the stressors of the rest of the world and only focus on the present.

For others, their dominant serves more as a life jacket. They are there to hold up the sub, get them through tough times, and provide comfort and protection.

And for others still, there’s a spectrum between and even outside of these two basic examples.

As far as *every* sub needing to be “trained, broken, and conditioned,” that’s a load of barnacle. If that is what they want and desire and that dynamic and process makes them feel their happiest, strongest, and best, that’s amazing for them- both the sub in their submission to their dom, and the dom in their stepping into the role of caring for and taking responsibility for their sub. Should every sub be “trained” in the education sense? Absolutely. As should every dom.

Personally, I do not like the idea. I have an almost trauma response whenever I’m made to feel like an object, and any “slave owner/master” type dom and I would not be a good fit. I actually got a list of rules from someone who was reaching out (which is another rant in and of itself) that I could and would not follow. Ever. For me, it felt incredibly degrading, and not in the way people enjoy.

Does me not wanting to be broken down and trained in to a dom’s image make me a bad sub? Absolutely not. The role I need from my dom in my life is as someone who builds me up through comfort and positive rein***ment. And any dom that assumes I am not a good sub because I don’t want to be “broken and trained” isn’t a dom. They’re a manipulator. And when they come in with this list of strict rules before any conversation, that ***ts them in a rather bad light as it comes across as cocky and like you won’t actually listen to any of my wants, needs, or desires.

Firstly i totally agree with the general sentiment

But someone building you up through comfort and positive reinf*rcement IS “training”

Ps your post is the first time i’ve seen “being broken” on this thread, and yes that’s more of a manipulation thing ideally reserved for people who list “brainwashing” as their kink, not sure why you insist in this connection
People train their dogs, nobody who likes dogs “breaks” them

[Ba****]

Well after reading this whole thread a lot of what i was going to say has in essence been covered by @Vulkan-8006(for the dom/my persoective) and @Valkyrie_Wings(for the sub perspective, maybe not as extensive for all but at least to a degree)

So i just add what i haven’t seen here

Starting of with what i see as a fitting analogy in part to troll the dog “haters”:
You don’t bring your dog to dog schools to train the dog, you go to learn how you raise them correctly
But you will always be able to find dog school instructors who don’t understand that

The issue you stated initially seems to mostly be about framing and perspective with the added stated and implied overarching and underlying problem of the of the general behavior of the self-entitled

On the later part sure don’t fuck them, lest they be expecting more of that, tell them to go fuck themselves instead

On the former “training/conditioning” is a mutual(usually automatic/subconscious) thing so i understand how people saying them out loud can be a red flag but you should know that most times you talk with your partner about either or both of your strengths, weaknesses/flaws, ideals, desires and limits/boundaries(and other less contextually relevant things) you are training/conditioning each other and every time you follow or reject a order/instruction, use a safeword or redefine the specific “dimensions” of your boundaries you are actively training and conditioning your dom for their behavior to be closer to your ideal and their actions to more securely within your limits

You said that it should be more mutually and respectfully communicated and i agree (and suspect/hope that it usually tends to be), it’s just that most training/conditioning for doms tends to be less openly stated and more in the self-responsibility part of “lern, read, practice, and watch” and self reflection, aka the “behind the scenes(both literally and figuratively) work”
Not to rant about it too much but it’s kind of a problem that too many topics integral to many kinds of dynamic tend to only be in discussion when they are represented by the ones high in(and on) self-entitlement and low in manners

Ps yes i understand that there is quite a large difference between my annoyance with people being lacking in terms of being a example of my general position and you reasonable concern about potential risks to your actual safety so while i may not like the conclusions you jump to I can’t honestly blame you for being a bit jumpy around some issues(your autonomy and consent being quite high on that list)

And i’m less disagreeing with what you actually said but more adding likely relevant things i think you may not have thought about here