Did my dom left me?

[Hellen13]

So i am new to this.

I met a dom, we started online and was amazing. My limits for the begging were : no ***, just me and him and no anal. ( Things dar "maybe" i was willing to change in time, as the trust and relationship advanced)

 But he was keep telling me, that he wants me with other women, i said no, blocked me on Facebook. Begged him, everything good again, said it again and i fought back, blocked and ignored again. Now, i am blocked everywhere, even told him i am done but didnt answered just ignored and blocked me. He actually told me he enjoyes ignoring, because he knows i hate it. Is he, my dom or we broke up? I am not a masochist but for me is about therapy.

I really respect bdsm, and i am taking it seriously, but i dont know if i should look for another dom, or he is just punishing me. Thank you in advance for the help

 

[BigPolly]

From what you’ve said....he’s simply a bully! You’ve laid down your limits, he is trying to push them, which is ok to a point but when you make it clear that these are still limits he then tries blackmailing you by ignoring you until you change your mind. This isn’t a punishment this is a form of ***. A relationship of any form should be a 2 way process not all about ‘what he wants’ Your gift of submission is precious & he is abusing that. You need to find yourself a decent gentleman who will Dom you respectfully. The fact that you are even on here asking means you know that something doesn’t feel right, you don’t deserve to be left feeling like this x

[Deleted Member]

In my opinion, this is not Dom behaviour. He is manipulating you and if you're not careful you will actually suffer. For me, being ignored is a hard limit, unless you have discussed and consented to him treating you like this, I think its emotional ***. There are plenty of decent Doms out there, I would forget this guy and find someone who respects you and your limits. Just my opinion x

[Deleted Member]

Don't *** yourself and find a new Dom, he doesn't sound very caring of your emotions outside scenes and that's not what I would call a good Dom. Your worth more. X

[Hellen13]

Thank you. I think i was keep trying because for me bdsm, means a lot. I like it sexually, as a form of loving, as therapy and so on. But i am living in Romania. Is hard to find that, cause most men see bdsm as a way to get a longer "job" for them, while not respecting you. And i kept this desire way too much inside, and now scared i wont find it again

[Deleted Member]

You will find it again, there are other sites  just to watch out for any red flags.

Genuine Doms, even online will respect you and your limits, both Dom and sub should grow and enjoy the relationship, good luck 

[Deleted Member]

He is not a dome. After care is a massive thing in the kink community. I had a (so called) dom try this on me once. I took it as we were over and he came back a month later thinking I would come running back. Just because you are the sub doesn't mean you have no control over what you do. If you have a hard limit like sleeping with girls, don't let him *** you to do anything you don't want to do. You have told him no *** what he is doing is a form of ***. There are so many good domes out there this one is not one of them. Beware the blokes that have watched fifty shades of grey and think they are a dome. 

[BigPolly]

3 hours ago, Hellen13 said:

And i kept this desire way too much inside, and now scared i wont find it again

You will find it again but because you know who you are & exactly what you do & don’t want, you will find it in a fantastic form!

Don’t be disheartened by this bully, get out there & find someone who deserves your submission 😊

[Hellen13]

Thank you so much. I really didn't had with who to talk, and he was the only person i knew on the bdsm area. Sorry if i dont express that well in English. Either way, is good to find suport. I think people don't actually respect bdsm, and they are taking things for granted.

[BigPolly]

Your English is perfectly perfect 😊 & so is your understanding of BDSM. 

Stay around on this site as we’re all one big community together no matter where in the world we’re from 

[Deleted Member]

A true & real Dom, above all, cares for, looks after & is concerned about his sub. From what you have said I don't see any of that from him towards you & he is not a true Dom. He is a selfish, self centred, inconsiderate, uncaring, bullying egomaniac who I doubt you would ever find true happiness & satisfaction & contentment with. Don't ever be tempted to change who you are & what you do or don't want for anyone if you're not happy about it. Totally agree with BigPolly - she always gets things spot on & has a real understanding & talks so much sense. Take your time & you will come across what you desire & what will benefit you most & I wish you every luck as you continue with your adventure.

[lexiiwantsalittle]

Pretty much what everyone has said below, ignoring when someone hates it is emotional *** not Bdsm. If it’s agreed then it’s ok but doesn’t seem to be in your case. Probably best to move on

[Deleted Member]

A true Dom will NEVER push a hard NO limit. A Dom's job is to support, guide, help you in anything you need. The sexual aspect is just a part of it. Since he is a fake/kinkster, no. He isn't your Dom.

[NaydyNay]

He's not a Dom. He's a piece of shit and you should avoid him

[KCurious]

Hey Hellen13, he is punishing you and not respecting your choices and limits. It sucks to be ignored and given silent treatment  especially it’s a hard limit... I’ve been there and I pulled myself out and also having another challenge ahead of me, it’s not easy but that’s what life is all about accepting the downfalls and ***s by getting yourself back together. 

 I understand the feeling your having afraid of losing and there will be no dominant  or someone to explore this adventure with you.

Just know that if you keep finding, then timing will bring your hopes together. 

Do what your think is right for you and not what others say or think. At the end of the day what you choose is what you face. 

Think carefully before acting lesser chance of regretting something later in life. 

All the best , Don’t give up with hope ! 

I hope you will find your way to solve your problems ! 

Take Care. 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

There's a great little picture of an old man holding an umbrella over his wife's head even though he's angry at her with the caption of "love is caring for each other even when you're angry". In short you should always be there and look after your partner regardless of whether it's a D/s relationship. Even if they're being a little cunt, awkward, distant (not saying you were being any of them) we all have problems and some so, what people might consider, weird, that people won't even tell their partner. Good luck and enjoy the ride.

[ey****]

whether he's "left" you or not - I'd say good fucking riddance - that type of shit shouldn't fly; and if he's like this now (manipulative, controlling, pushy) then what is he going to be like further down the line

big red flag, get rid

[MasterScorpio]

He is not a Dom he's an asshole and childish little boy.  You never mentioned any details about him but given the level of juvenile behavior I would bet no more than 19.  He is trying to bully you  and has been since day one.  Run away from this clown as fast as you can and learn from the experience.

[northern_dom]

What ever direction he has gone in, turn on your heels and go the other way and get as far away from him as you possibly can. He is trying to bully you and intimidate you. Neither are a part of BDSM. He is selfish and isn't respecting you at all.

[Deleted Member]

Like many people have said, if he doesnt respect your limits, he isnt worthy of your submission. 

I suggest you to start thinking of your submission as a gift, which it is, and consider if the guy is worthy of it or not. Apply this to any other dom you may have. I would also suggest to be friends first so that you at least have a basic idea of who he is. 

Also, i feel that you still are a bit confused about the dynamics of such a relationship, so i would also like to suggest to read some more, talk to more people about this. 

[Hellen13]

For the age, assumption, he is 38. But you are all right

 

[BigPolly]

Hellen you are absolutely beautiful you’ll find yourself someone worthy of yourself in no time 😊

[Transcended]

Hey Hellen,

 

A real Dom understands your boundaries set out before anything happens.  The word Dom is not an excuse to *** your sub, it should and always be a 2 way thing, trust and be trusted.  I personally spend more time on aftercare, any sub needs to feel safe and cared for.  Does sound like a lucky escape and I’m 100% sure you will find the right Dom for you, you look fab and have the right qualities for someone to put a collar on you x

 

just don’t pick an arse next time :*

 

m

x

[Deleted Member]

From how you have described the situation, he is acting very un Dom like. Firstly to address your boundaries he needs to understand your ***s and to discuss this without pressure to see if he can ease these for you. Secondly to punish you without an explanation of the punishment is nothing more than manipulation and a huge red flag...in my opinion he is breaking the very first rule of being a Dom that will help you develop as a sub which is communication communication communication.

I would advise that you move away from this Dom and try to find one that respects the reasons for your boundaries and is prepared to test your limits in a healthy way 

[Mz****]

No he didn't, because as others have said, he's no Dom. He's a manipulative bullying ***r and whether you realise it now or not, you're much better off without that kind of person in your life. 

Reach out to local groups, make friends, realtime or online in your community, read and absorb as many newbie posts as you can, use your favourite search engine and check out things that interest you, the magazine here has some great advice..don't get stuck in your own head thinking you've done anything wrong, you're only mistake was trusting a predator.

Good luck x