Be**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I’ve always found Doms to the nicest, caring people. Is this true or have I just been lucky? If this is common, why is this the case?
ki**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 A dom should be caring. I would be concerned if you had a dom that was in it purely for the sexual side
Du**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 It must be a reflection on you and your good nature. I’m very much the caring/affectionate type, but if a man is rude, crass or demanding towards me, he will only see the other side - which has no patience with poor conduct. It sounds to me as though you have high standards, and so do the Doms you meet. Enjoy yourself!
Dom_Kev Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I have always thought that caring for your sub was most of the point of the relationship… maybe I am wrong there? But I always considered caring, especially post-scene after care is the most important part of a Dominants role. I am glad you have experienced it the right way round.
Bu**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I am a Daddy Dom. The affection and caring aspect of my relationships is everything to me. They trust me enough to surrender and hand over power to me. I hold that trust close to my heart. My partners know I am a safe space for them. I am also an empath. So, my partner’s happiness also gives me incredible satisfaction. I feel their sense of safety and trust in me—and it’s awesome.
ge**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I don't think it's true to say dominants are caring as a general thing, some are, some not so much. Whether they *should* be caring is another matter. . Ultimately though it's great that you've only encountered those that do care.
Th**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 A Dom that isn't courteous or respectful to people isn't a dom, they're a bully. Outside of the dynamic, we're all people, manners and respect should always come before anything else.
Th**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 Like London said I would be worried otherwise. Not only should a dom care but they should also have an understanding of the other side of the fence. If you run into a dom with an answer like “ I don’t know “ you are in the wrong place. So also like the duchess spoke of this may be a reflection on your ability to not seek out shitty people , no matter friend foe dom or sub. Be a good person surround yourself with the same and I would bet you run into a lot of the same. Basically whatever ur doing. Ur doing it right. Keep that shit up.
Deleted Member Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I’ve not put myself out there so much because people who have claimed to be dominant have been nothing but emotionally stunted bully’s. I’ve had more experience being a domme but it’s really not my preference
do**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 I cosign a lot of what was previously said. Without care you are just an ***r/bully that needs to lay on someone's couch rather than tie someone to one in my opinion. Like someone else said, it's the last hooray of the protocol. Sometimes the best part. No care, not fair.
AProperDom Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 No mention or after care in the initial discussion should be a red flag for subs.
AProperDom Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 No mention of Aftercare in the initial discussions with your Dom, should be a large red flag for subs.
un**** Posted May 20, 2023 Posted May 20, 2023 you can’t have one without the other there is a balance to maintain to be a Dom you have to be caring in one way or another if you’re just Sadistic and beat your sub without care for their well being or aftercare you are a bully not a dom
QXX666 Posted May 21, 2023 Posted May 21, 2023 There are many Dominance and D/s types and forms. Caring is not a prerequisite, just an option agreed between the two parts. The only one requirement in a Ds is Trust to be safe and that the agreements are followed. Some subs don’t give a f… about aftercare and want to be used and treated like a rag doll. It doesn’t mean the Dom is a bully, ***r or it’s a major red flag.
ge**** Posted May 21, 2023 Posted May 21, 2023 10 hours ago, QXX666 said: There are many Dominance and D/s types and forms. Caring is not a prerequisite, just an option agreed between the two parts. The only one requirement in a Ds is Trust to be safe and that the agreements are followed. Some subs don’t give a f… about aftercare and want to be used and treated like a rag doll. It doesn’t mean the Dom is a bully, ***r or it’s a major red flag. I would suggest that "caring" in the sense of looking after a submissives best interests, ensuring boundaries/limits etc aren't broken, showing/offering trust and respect, ensuring no injuries etc are absolutely a pre-requisite for any dominant, and for that matter any submissive. . Aftercare is somewhat different though and agree that the level offered may vary between different people/dynamics etc as to what level is needed/required, if any at all.
Te**** Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 It's common because we have a tough guy facade (at least me) but on the inside were big ol softies. Especially me to be honest.
QXX666 Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 12 hours ago, gemini_man said: I would suggest that "caring" in the sense of looking after a submissives best interests, ensuring boundaries/limits etc aren't broken, showing/offering trust and respect, ensuring no injuries etc are absolutely a pre-requisite for any dominant, and for that matter any submissive. . Aftercare is somewhat different though and agree that the level offered may vary between different people/dynamics etc as to what level is needed/required, if any at all. We don’t really know what’s the OP mean exactly by his « caring Dom ». This is why I said Trust, as it’s the catalyst of a dynamic. Caring come after regardless what it covers. You could have a masochist sub that would be used without care but make sure she’s not dead at the end of the session. It’s not care but just covering the legal requirement. I responded to the previous “aftercare”comment as I know the difference, regardless what people might think about me I am able to show some emotions with a sub if needed.
ge**** Posted May 22, 2023 Posted May 22, 2023 1 hour ago, QXX666 said: We don’t really know what’s the OP mean exactly by his « caring Dom ». This is why I said Trust, as it’s the catalyst of a dynamic. Caring come after regardless what it covers. You could have a masochist sub that would be used without care but make sure she’s not dead at the end of the session. It’s not care but just covering the legal requirement. I responded to the previous “aftercare”comment as I know the difference, regardless what people might think about me I am able to show some emotions with a sub if needed. We don't know specifically what the OP was referring to for sure - however my post was in response to your suggestion at the start of your post that "Caring is not a pre-requisite" when absolutely on some level it is - even if all that "caring" amounts to is ensuring a legal requirement is met, which is still showing a level of "care" . Not being pedantic with you here - but think it's important to be clear for those less knowledgeable who may read a post and take the wrong message from it.
ch**** Posted May 24, 2023 Posted May 24, 2023 At the core a dom is a facilitator. We develop our partners through scenes and play. We talk the time to learn their strengths, weaknesses, desires, ***s, and develop scenes in which our subs can grow. It requires great trust from the sub and we also must never forget that the power of submission is theirs to wield.
fu**** Posted May 24, 2023 Posted May 24, 2023 3 hours ago, chivalrous219 said: At the core a dom is a facilitator. We develop our partners through scenes and play. We talk the time to learn their strengths, weaknesses, desires, ***s, and develop scenes in which our subs can grow. It requires great trust from the sub and we also must never forget that the power of submission is theirs to wield. I whole heartedly agree with this. Anyone willing to put in the time and effort to be a true Dom, has to care. Otherwise it's just someone who is horny looking to use someone else.
Deleted Member Posted May 29, 2023 Posted May 29, 2023 A good Dom takes the time to understand their submissive on a deeper level. They want to understand and nurture on a level most would never take the time to see. They choose to understand the subtle nuances in their submissive so they can master both their submissive and themselves.
Chloebear Posted May 31, 2023 Posted May 31, 2023 This is mixed…. Many are because of their emotional intelligence and ability to reflect. There are still a lot who are more arrogant though and many who use the term Dom to get what they want or be pushy or unpleasant. That said, the latter I wouldn’t class as Doms! I think I’d go with - I’ve not met an unpleasant Dominant who uses good practice.
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