Let’s talk rejection!

[ey****]

Thought one...

I did see a meme earlier today which was captioned "Any reply is better than no reply" which then actually had screenshots of an alleged conversation - with the woman replying giving a "Sorry I didn't reply last night I was get railed" 

And to be honest, I can think of a lot worse folk could sent than no reply - I sometimes don't know how women are so restrained sometimes.

[ey****]

thought 2

there's bits I get where you don't know if a non-response is because someone is busy, unwell... or not interested

that is sadly life

it's something to deal with - and the appropriate steps to take can vary based on the context of prior conversations.   I feel folk get obsessed with the concept that it MUST be ghosting and MUST be rude - but even if that is true, then haven't you dodged a bullet cos why would you want to pursue with someone rude 

[Au****]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

thought 2

there's bits I get where you don't know if a non-response is because someone is busy, unwell... or not interested

that is sadly life

it's something to deal with - and the appropriate steps to take can vary based on the context of prior conversations.   I feel folk get obsessed with the concept that it MUST be ghosting and MUST be rude - but even if that is true, then haven't you dodged a bullet cos why would you want to pursue with someone rude 

I believe that in other circumstances the person that would ghost online could be a potential normal encounter irl .
I don’t necessarily associate ghosting with the person being toxic, i would even know if we met irl, maybe.
I think there are way more factors and shades at stake here..
This could tell us something about social media and the way people use it dissociating it from reality..
I’m just sharing my thoughts..

[FETMOD-BD]

I've just removed a load of comments that were completely innappropriate to this thread - please keep to the topic being discussed. 

[Deleted Member]

The problem is, if you tell them you're not interested,  they usually still carry on sending messages, they also usually put in a friend request as well, which is what I don't do on here. I think the automated message is probably the best thing.

[Fi****]

The worst for me is when I help a person out of a dark hole and then BAM!!!... 1.5 years later, we were still going strong (best friends in a D/S relationship) until I was in a dark place, and they said, "Don't depend on me to be your emotional support. Just go fix yourself." And now you're thrown to the back burner being told "You're being too much".

[Pe****]

All of them have their place. You may not like the method but all are a clear, "It's not gonna happen." You don't know what kind of bad responses they may have received in the past.

What really hurts, in my opinion, is when they respond, chat, talk kinks, say they want to meet up, plan out what we'd like to do together, then ghost when it comes to actually setting a date to meet up. The disappointment after the time and effort put into sharing yourself and it seems they just wanted to use you for an ego boost.

[Ni****]

As a brown man, hate when I am friend zoned but for convenience and public show, it's OK to have me there for protection and security

[ey****]

6 hours ago, Ninjaboy1088 said:

As a brown man, hate when I am friend zoned but for convenience and public show, it's OK to have me there for protection and security

you don't want to help protect your friends? no wonder they don't want to screw you

[Deleted Member]

Having your message ignored is the worst.

An automated "not interested" says they aren't invested in their profile or site/app. And that's a good thing - it means they aren't worth the effort. Someone responding back with a "thanks but no thanks" response at least offers some closure, though how they respond may be good (i.e., polite) or bad (i.e., rude or give a bad excuse/reason).

No response at all may leave someone wondering if the profile is real or fake, did they not like something you said or something in your profile, etc. 

When it comes to dating sites and apps, my philosophy is it's better to know than not know.

Of course, the reality is that any dating site/app is designed to quantify and qualify our perceived wants, interests, and needs. We use their preprogrammed settings and options to define who we think we want, and easier to reject potential dates because they don't exactly match our preferences (e.g., "she's a few pounds too heavy," "he's only 5'11" and I only date men who are six feet tall," "they're not bisexual," "they're not identifying as their cis-born gender"). In reality, people look different, behave different and we have the benefit of in-person stimuli to determine if we find someone attractive or interesting (i.e., pheromones don't carry over the internet). Plus, we're not walking around bars or parties with tape measures and weight scales to see if someone we like matches our exact requirements.