Let’s talk rejection!

[Si****]

I find the first two equally annoying, like even if I’m upset, I can always respect someone willing to say hey I’m not into you/it’s not gonna happen. And I’ve actually said “that’s a bummer, but at least you responded, so I can’t be that upset”

[Si****]

40 minutes ago, AliaAphrodite_ said:

On here I can’t count however normally it comes AFTER a person messaged me specifically asking me about things I’m not interested in. Then I have to reiterate what I am into which is exhausting and lets me know they didn’t even look at my page to see if we’d align. Just sent me what THEY thought I’d like. Which is weird and inconsiderate. In real life too many times to count. By men when I dated them years ago and women nowadays.

Also idk why you’re always getting asked about stuff you won’t do. I mean idk what it is, but sometimes if it’s a major thing, something that would be a given usually people ask because it’s confusing. Ex. A sub who doesn’t like to be sexualized, or ordered around, to be slapped during sex or any type of anal.

Also sometimes people will “reiterate how they think we’re not compatible” to me and it’s like we might work, you just don’t read well. Ex. I’m a switch that’s been looking for a domme; but If you’re a hot sub I’m gonna message you. I’ve gotten “I don’t think it’s gonna work, I’m a sub” like yo, do you not get what switch means? Smh.
Not saying that’s you but yeah..

[Al****]

30 minutes ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

Also idk why you’re always getting asked about stuff you won’t do. I mean idk what it is, but sometimes if it’s a major thing, something that would be a given usually people ask because it’s confusing. Ex. A sub who doesn’t like to be sexualized, or ordered around, to be slapped during sex or any type of anal.

Also sometimes people will “reiterate how they think we’re not compatible” to me and it’s like we might work, you just don’t read well. Ex. I’m a switch that’s been looking for a domme; but If you’re a hot sub I’m gonna message you. I’ve gotten “I don’t think it’s gonna work, I’m a sub” like yo, do you not get what switch means? Smh.
Not saying that’s you but yeah..

Some men see an attractive woman and assume she just likes whatever they like, can be convinced to try something new or will “naturally” submit cause that’s what they expect women to do. I’ve had mostly other male dommes and subs who want online relationships message me. Also I think it’s weird when people don’t read my profile first. It would save both of us time. I’ve had people message me calling me an “ebony queen”. I’ve even gotten called a “beautiful black btch” as well and they think these are terms of endearment. I was just telling my friend who recommended this app to me that this has been the worst experience ever. I told him verbatim “it feels like being surrounded by disgusting, horny and misogynistic men irl and not being able to leave.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

sometimes people will “reiterate how they think we’re not compatible” to me and it’s like we might work, you just don’t read well.

if you don't think the person reads well - then you won't work out.

 

[Ch****]

11 hours ago, AliaAphrodite_ said:

On here I can’t count however normally it comes AFTER a person messaged me specifically asking me about things I’m not interested in. Then I have to reiterate what I am into which is exhausting and lets me know they didn’t even look at my page to see if we’d align. Just sent me what THEY thought I’d like. Which is weird and inconsiderate. In real life too many times to count. By men when I dated them years ago and women nowadays.

Sorry to hear..

But my question was more in a situation in with you actively take the first step like running into someone’s DM, like text to someone first to flirt, or in a situation live where you approach someone and you have been rejected.

That’s what this discussion was about I guess..

Because despite what you said could be considered inappropriate, weird and sad, it is still you rejecting someone..

[Al****]

15 minutes ago, Charlie218 said:

Sorry to hear..

But my question was more in a situation in with you actively take the first step like running into someone’s DM, like text to someone first to flirt, or in a situation live where you approach someone and you have been rejected.

That’s what this discussion was about I guess..

Because despite what you said could be considered inappropriate, weird and sad, it is still you rejecting someone..

I never got the chance because my messages immediately got filled with weirdos which deterred me from wanting to find a sub or seek out individuals first from this app. Either way rejection is rejection. There’s no cookie cut way to not hurt someone’s feelings when you’re not interested. Only men seem to be butt hurt about it. That’s why there’s been an uprising of so many incels in the past decade.

[Ch****]

56 minutes ago, AliaAphrodite_ said:

I never got the chance because my messages immediately got filled with weirdos which deterred me from wanting to find a sub or seek out individuals first from this app. Either way rejection is rejection. There’s no cookie cut way to not hurt someone’s feelings when you’re not interested. Only men seem to be butt hurt about it. That’s why there’s been an uprising of so many incels in the past decade.

So you haven’t been rejected on this app even though you talk about man experiences being rejected and being hurt by it defining it “humorous”?

It would be like a man saying:
“ oh I find humorous to hear how many woman are bothered by weirdos or “incels” how you call them, that text inappropriate things.

On a different level you are saying the same thing..

[Al****]

35 minutes ago, Charlie218 said:

So you haven’t been rejected on this app even though you talk about man experiences being rejected and being hurt by it defining it “humorous”?

It would be like a man saying:
“ oh I find humorous to hear how many woman are bothered by weirdos or “incels” how you call them, that text inappropriate things.

On a different level you are saying the same thing..

Humor? It must be a lack of comprehension here. Whether I’ve been rejected irl, on this app or other social platforms doesn’t really matter tbh. Because rejection is rejection. Only you MEN are making countless posts complaining about it. Get over it. Like i said previously there’s no cookie cut way to not hurt someone’s feelings especially when most of you men are so worried about how YOU feel or your entitlement to a persons time or space that you don’t care how you come off.

I.e “despite what you said could be considered inappropriate, weird, sad, it’s is still you rejecting someone.”

Further proving my point.

Actually from this conversation and the comments left here I WILL actually be even MORE mean and reject people in the worst ways possible. So thank you for the epiphany. Have a great rest of your day.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, Charlie218 said:

So you haven’t been rejected on this app even though you talk about man experiences being rejected and being hurt by it defining it “humorous”?

It would be like a man saying:
“ oh I find humorous to hear how many woman are bothered by weirdos or “incels” how you call them, that text inappropriate things.

On a different level you are saying the same thing..

I've rejected here and in IRL, from an initial or a few message/s and yeah, there's an initial sting but really and truly, I don't have an issue with it at all because what will be, will be and what won't, won't

[ey****]

yeah, there really, *really*, --really--, is no nice way to reject someone

regardless as of if you've attributed you're not really interested in the 1st message, the 10th, or just have a moment a week, month, whatever later where you're simply not feeling it

and people think "OK, if you're going to reject me, do it this way - I can take it!" and, no, you really can't.

It's almost a lie men trick themselves into believing.

It's a Sunday afternoon, you pick out, I dunno, 5 women you are interested in.  You send them a message. 

*PING*

You're excited. One has messaged you back.

"Hey, thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately you're not really what I'm looking for as I'm hoping for someone closer to my own age. Good luck with your search"

OK, the euphoria of the ping dulled a bit, but it was a nice rejection.

*PING*

Oh, a second person responds... 

"Thanks for your message.  I see that you are mono/poly and I'm actually poly/mono.  I know you'd be optimistic things could work, but you really wouldn't be happy with my relationship preference" 

and the same...

*PING*

"Hey lovely.  I appreciate the message. But, I'm not sure why you thought we'd be compatible. If you read my profile you'd see you're clearly not what I'm looking for and I don't really meet what you're hoping for either"

is this not starting to sting a bit, I mean this one was a bit more blunt - but it was also honest.

And I thought we wanted honest?

*PING*

"Unfortunately you're just not my type"

and we haven't even got to the 5th yet!  Are these constant reasons why you're deemed not good enough not going to hurt confidence at least a little

*PING*
"You're just a little too far away. I couldn't travel to you and it'd make me feel guilty if you were often travelling to me"

and it's like - by this point the euphoria from pings has worn off or even become a little overwhelming and does it not get a bit "won't anyone give me a chance?" 

 

like, yep, really don't kid yourself that a nice packaged reason would make you feel better.

[Ch****]

6 hours ago, AliaAphrodite_ said:

Humor? It must be a lack of comprehension here. Whether I’ve been rejected irl, on this app or other social platforms doesn’t really matter tbh. Because rejection is rejection. Only you MEN are making countless posts complaining about it. Get over it. Like i said previously there’s no cookie cut way to not hurt someone’s feelings especially when most of you men are so worried about how YOU feel or your entitlement to a persons time or space that you don’t care how you come off.

I.e “despite what you said could be considered inappropriate, weird, sad, it’s is still you rejecting someone.”

Further proving my point.

Actually from this conversation and the comments left here I WILL actually be even MORE mean and reject people in the worst ways possible. So thank you for the epiphany. Have a great rest of your day.

Wow such a power my words and I do have to make you will “more mean” from now on.
God must have blessed me in the meantime or you may just be emotionally immature to say such a thing, but never mind.

You used the word “humourous” to define man complaining about rejection..
Man is classically the gender who take the first step, so there is a statistic reason why is rejected more often, beside other many rejection factors factors too.
So that’s why In your long period here (one week) you might have seen “many” posts of man complaining about it, wich is fine.

After all there are a good amount of posts of woman complaining of weird, unnecessary approaches, and this doesn’t mean that woman are weenie; their struggle is respectable such as our struggle for the rejection and we are here to empathize and understand that, at least I do..

Your statement of “ I will reject the worst possible way from now on” is honestly weird, and if were done the other way around by a man that would have be covered by insult or disagreement;
it’s funny how nobody reacted to your statement..

Seems that it’s hard for you to receive an answer that doesn’t suit you perfectly, and easy to make your attitude change.

Maybe you are not here to share but just to rein*** and reaffirm your statements and a divergent opinion shakes you this much?

Why you care so much about man complaining rejection?

Why does this speak to you?

I never said anything again you or woman to receive such an answer..

Have a great night too

[Al****]

4 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah, there really, *really*, --really--, is no nice way to reject someone

regardless as of if you've attributed you're not really interested in the 1st message, the 10th, or just have a moment a week, month, whatever later where you're simply not feeling it

and people think "OK, if you're going to reject me, do it this way - I can take it!" and, no, you really can't.

It's almost a lie men trick themselves into believing.

It's a Sunday afternoon, you pick out, I dunno, 5 women you are interested in.  You send them a message. 

*PING*

You're excited. One has messaged you back.

"Hey, thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately you're not really what I'm looking for as I'm hoping for someone closer to my own age. Good luck with your search"

OK, the euphoria of the ping dulled a bit, but it was a nice rejection.

*PING*

Oh, a second person responds... 

"Thanks for your message.  I see that you are mono/poly and I'm actually poly/mono.  I know you'd be optimistic things could work, but you really wouldn't be happy with my relationship preference" 

and the same...

*PING*

"Hey lovely.  I appreciate the message. But, I'm not sure why you thought we'd be compatible. If you read my profile you'd see you're clearly not what I'm looking for and I don't really meet what you're hoping for either"

is this not starting to sting a bit, I mean this one was a bit more blunt - but it was also honest.

And I thought we wanted honest?

*PING*

"Unfortunately you're just not my type"

and we haven't even got to the 5th yet!  Are these constant reasons why you're deemed not good enough not going to hurt confidence at least a little

*PING*
"You're just a little too far away. I couldn't travel to you and it'd make me feel guilty if you were often travelling to me"

and it's like - by this point the euphoria from pings has worn off or even become a little overwhelming and does it not get a bit "won't anyone give me a chance?" 

 

like, yep, really don't kid yourself that a nice packaged reason would make you feel better.

Perfectly said.

[Si****]

Wednesday at 11:56 PM, AliaAphrodite_ said:

Some men see an attractive woman and assume she just likes whatever they like, can be convinced to try something new or will “naturally” submit cause that’s what they expect women to do. I’ve had mostly other male dommes and subs who want online relationships message me. Also I think it’s weird when people don’t read my profile first. It would save both of us time. I’ve had people message me calling me an “ebony queen”. I’ve even gotten called a “beautiful black btch” as well and they think these are terms of endearment. I was just telling my friend who recommended this app to me that this has been the worst experience ever. I told him verbatim “it feels like being surrounded by disgusting, horny and misogynistic men irl and not being able to leave.

I’m sorry, but how is “ebony queen” not a term of endearment? And of course it’s like being surrounded by horny people constantly. This “dating app” and I’m using that term loosely is rooted in sex first and foremost. This misconception that you have that it is for dating is what the main issue this platform has. It can’t decide if it wants to be facebook or adult friend finder. And by splitting the difference it’s worse than both

[Si****]

17 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

yeah, there really, *really*, --really--, is no nice way to reject someone

regardless as of if you've attributed you're not really interested in the 1st message, the 10th, or just have a moment a week, month, whatever later where you're simply not feeling it

and people think "OK, if you're going to reject me, do it this way - I can take it!" and, no, you really can't.

It's almost a lie men trick themselves into believing.

It's a Sunday afternoon, you pick out, I dunno, 5 women you are interested in.  You send them a message. 

*PING*

You're excited. One has messaged you back.

"Hey, thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately you're not really what I'm looking for as I'm hoping for someone closer to my own age. Good luck with your search"

OK, the euphoria of the ping dulled a bit, but it was a nice rejection.

*PING*

Oh, a second person responds... 

"Thanks for your message.  I see that you are mono/poly and I'm actually poly/mono.  I know you'd be optimistic things could work, but you really wouldn't be happy with my relationship preference" 

and the same...

*PING*

"Hey lovely.  I appreciate the message. But, I'm not sure why you thought we'd be compatible. If you read my profile you'd see you're clearly not what I'm looking for and I don't really meet what you're hoping for either"

is this not starting to sting a bit, I mean this one was a bit more blunt - but it was also honest.

And I thought we wanted honest?

*PING*

"Unfortunately you're just not my type"

and we haven't even got to the 5th yet!  Are these constant reasons why you're deemed not good enough not going to hurt confidence at least a little

*PING*
"You're just a little too far away. I couldn't travel to you and it'd make me feel guilty if you were often travelling to me"

and it's like - by this point the euphoria from pings has worn off or even become a little overwhelming and does it not get a bit "won't anyone give me a chance?" 

 

like, yep, really don't kid yourself that a nice packaged reason would make you feel better.

Honestly, I think I would like that more than having a message page full of one off messages of me trying to start up something with no responses. Because at least there’s human engagement and respect there.
Tbh I never have that problem of no responses on facebook dating either.
I feel like what you described runs counter to your point bc a few of those are a nice way to decline, and what you’re saying justifies people who don’t reply at all and gives them an unjustified moral high ground in the belief that they’re sparing my feelings or something when I’d always prefer closure

[ey****]

26 minutes ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

Honestly, I think I would like that more than having a message page full of one off messages of me trying to start up something with no responses. Because at least there’s human engagement and respect there.

in essence, it may feel like this is preferable but basically every message back is someone telling you no

and while some are nice, there might be some that hurts esteem (say, if 2-3 were "I don't find you attractive") and others you might disagree with ("too young") or some where you think the other person is being unfair 

we know from other guys on the forum they find it unfair if they're rejected based on looks, age, experience, politics, etc.

29 minutes ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

what you’re saying justifies people who don’t reply at all and gives them an unjustified moral high ground in the belief that they’re sparing my feelings

oh, on the contrary

I don't think there needs to be a justification for non-response.  it's like if you see a job advert which has a "if you don't hear in 7 days assume you're unsuccessful" or "due to high volume it may not be possible to give feedback to every application"

people might curse if they got a rejection from a job but "they might like me if they'd interview me" falls over because a good impression wasn't made, or, you didn't fit criteria (there's a saying men will apply for jobs they meet 60% of the criteria for - so if there's a bunch of applications hitting 80-90% the 75% guys aint getting an interview : and a difference between companies do need to fill the roles, women don't need a partner)

I think some people in general do face a dilemma on  how to reject - because none of the reasons are nice, sugar coating is emotional labour, and they might not know the guys preferred way of being told no.

But, the other thing of course is if someone has been chatting, say, a week and is not feeling it - they've made an effort to get to know the person - they're not interested - it's even more difficult to reject without it hurting 

[QXX666]

1 hour ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

I’m sorry, but how is “ebony queen” not a term of endearment? And of course it’s like being surrounded by horny people constantly. This “dating app” and I’m using that term loosely is rooted in sex first and foremost. This misconception that you have that it is for dating is what the main issue this platform has. It can’t decide if it wants to be facebook or adult friend finder. And by splitting the difference it’s worse than both

The website actually is clear about its concept:

“Fetish.com is the place to find munches, kinksters, events and more” it’s not only for dating, actually I don’t really like that word, it’s very vanilla as I don’t date subs. We meet up to discuss a specific topic then engage depending the outcome. There is no restaurant or bar or cinema etc. But that’s me. 
 

If you can see why someone might be offended by an expression you would use as endearment there is a problem! It’s about the person perception not yours. You might like the ebony queen but you need to understand she might feel sexualised/objectified or worse insulted. 

[QXX666]

It’s tiresome to read again and again about the messaging issues. So to end my participation in that topic discussed so many times in the forum and I can’t see how the op has passed the MOD filtering process  I would say that: 

imagine you knock at the door and introduce yourself

-hi blah blah blah, her reaction would be, slam the door straight away, or listen your introduction and slam the door. It’s her house, her sanctuary she do whatever she wants.
So imagine everyday, every hours someone knock at her door…. You are lucky she doesn’t shoot you in the face 

[Deleted Member]

Some of the comments on this thread make me shake my head in disbelief, are some of you for real or just trolling as the level of entitlement & projecting on to a total stranger how they should act, that they should do what you want, not what they want, is out of order, it doesn't matter if you think it's arrogant or rude not to reply, they have the autonomy to do as they want, not what you want, expect or demand - no better than a builder up the scaffolding wolf whistling women, that they should be flattered by it & then shouting *** when the woman isn't & doesn't come running offering up her number. 

 

No one owes you anything & if you think they do, just because you sent them a message, then you need to look at yourself & criticise yourself not them. 

[ey****]

2 hours ago, SitOnMyFacePlz916 said:

I’m sorry, but how is “ebony queen” not a term of endearment?

I missed this before

some things race-related are complex.  If someone refers to themselves as Ebony then it may well be acceptable to refer to them as such.  But otherwise, it's a no. Definite tread carefully because it does have racist connotations even if that is not the intent. It also often falls into a form of seeing people as being "exotic" which is also gross. 

[Deleted Member]

9 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I missed this before

some things race-related are complex.  If someone refers to themselves as Ebony then it may well be acceptable to refer to them as such.  But otherwise, it's a no. Definite tread carefully because it does have racist connotations even if that is not the intent. It also often falls into a form of seeing people as being "exotic" which is also gross. 

Another example of someone deciding what is acceptable or not, which is littered throughout this thread & not the person the comment is directed at, deciding if they find it acceptable or not, it's not a colloquial term that is seen as a term of endearment, it's subjectifying someone based on race, without their permission to do so,if they've given indications they like it on their profile then fine, if they haven't, simply don't say something like that. 

[se****]

I had no idea this forum was gonna stir up so much drama. I eat my breakfast reading these threads in the morning lol.

[ey****]

24 minutes ago, searchingformyslave said:

I had no idea this forum was gonna stir up so much drama. I eat my breakfast reading these threads in the morning lol.

I wouldn't really call it drama

but if you didn't think it would have some levels of strong opinions and entitlement, then it is a little naive  

[Wa****]

I've been rejected and friend-zoned countless times. It doesn't matter the delivery, each one sucks and I end up dealing with another heart break every time.

[DeviantInside]

Ok this topic has run on a whole lot and to kinda get back to the original question. What do I feel is the best and or worst rejection? Ultimately. I don’t feel it matters. It’s been all too evident that different people have different wants, expectations, insecurities, hang ups and any number of things. There is no possible way I could ever know or guess what form of rejection would soothe the *** or what would antagonise the beast from one person to another. Whatever works for one is different to another. There may be some biased one way or another but a straw poll on a forum isn’t going to give realistic data. Some people are going to have preferences each and every way and there’s no “best” way.

[Br****]

The vast majority of rejections that I have experienced are for the person that I’ve messaged to ignore it. I’ve had one rejection with an automated reply, which I was happy with - at least it was a response!

I have always tried to be polite with first messages. Sometimes with a joke or flirty comment. Even when I’ve read the profile and have seen that I match what they’re looking for, it’s still a rejection.

I do have issues with mental health over this kind of stuff, and it has made me want to walk away on several occasions.