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Newbie, looking for advice


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Hello all!  I'm new to the BDSM lifestyle, just learning as we go.  Anyhow, I'm hooking up with a FWB in a couple of weeks on a work trip and she had requested that we try some basic bondage.  I'm 40, and she is 48. 

She wants to be a sub and wants to try blindfolding and being tied.  I asked her about being tied spread eagle and she said she wanted to.  I found an interesting article in Cosmopolitan Magazine that talks about the 5 Rope Bondage Sex Positions....

On the list, she wants to try:

1. The Hot Seat
3. On The Ropes
4. The Mark
5. The Ravished

I'm going to swing into the local adult shop and pickup the Beginner's Bondage Fantasy Kit which is a blindfold, and four wrist/ankle straps with 44 inch connector straps.  Then also swing into a hardware store or walmart and pickup some nylon rope for tieing off the straps when I put her on the bed spread eagle.

So, am I over thinking things?  I was thinking of when we arrive in the hotel room, having her go into the bathroom, and undress down to her underwear and bra and then putting on the blindfold, then returning to me, where I then strap her down and start to tease her and help her relax.  She also said she would like to try some over-the-knee spanking (in which I can reach down and tease her some).  

What all should I do when I have her on her hands/knees or on her back?  Do I cut the bra and underwear off, or should I just remove those from her before strapping her down?  

So, am I over thinking this process?  Am I trying to accomplish too much in one night?  I could really use some advise here.  This will only be like my 4th time ever blindfolding someone, but also my first tieing someone up more than just a time tied hands behind the back.

Thanks for your thoughts!


 Once she is blindfolded you could ask her to put her hands on her head then you go into the bathroom and lead her out then whist still standing there.  Walking blindfolded with your hands on your head takes a lot of trust . Then take her pants and bra off for her before strapping her down


I'm no expert so I can't advise on positions, but I would say, as you're a novice, be careful of any pressure points she has, (would be useful if you intend learning about bondage to look for workshops which you'll find extremely helpful, she could attend with you as bunny to your rigger, learn and have fun doing it, win win 🙂), before you start ask if you haven't already, does she have any old injuries you should be aware of, as you both experiment you'll learn the difference between good and bad ***/aches, but as you're using cuffs I doubt that'll be an issue, as you'll be limited a little by them, but do practice fast removal beforehand, and don't forget a safeword, can't easily cut cuffs like you can rope if a nerve pings, or cramp pulls in, maybe don't lock them just buckle the first time, for your peace of mind if not hers.

I hope you both enjoy every moment. Good luck, and yes, you may be overthinking a little, but better that than not giving it enough 😊


If sub is first in the room I always ask to wait for me in sub position. Like this she’s got time to relax or get ready anyway. Mine are never relax but nervous or stress lol. 

Once you are in the room it’s important that you are in charge and in control. She need it know she will safe in your hand. 

Acknowledge her by strolling her hair or kiss if you like. Put the blindfold yourself, if she’s got a collar on, put a small leash on it. Then proceed by either asking to go on the bed directing her or pull the leash and lead her to the bed. 

Option 1/ take the underwear before 

option 2/ my favourite , rip them off after tied her up. I used usually my big knives, add an edge to the moment 😂

but as mentioned above read carefully about the place where you should never put a rope or tie a knot. Check the extremities now and then, ask her to move fingers or toes.... if it’s start to get purple loose a bit... 

i would recommend as a novice to buy some good ankle and wrist restraint to avoid any problem with circulation 😊



Man, do what you want. Sub like surprise ever. But be prepared is important, or you will be regret ,maybe she too. put things on your to do list. step by step.

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