Just some thoughts and opinions

[Deleted Member]

At the end of the day, whatever your dynamic.... it's still a relationship. Conduct yourself accordingly

If you don't know how to be in a healthy vanilla relationship, your BDSM one is doomed from the start

Predators come in every shape, size, gender, and even role...

(yep, even that sweet, cute bratty little girl sub can be just as toxic and dangerous as the 300 pound sadist that owns a dungeon in his mom's basement)

Some lifestylers are more judgemental than vanilla holy roller Karens ... and a few Have that same fucking haircut, just with more colors

Like it or not we are going to have to add the terms xx/xy chromosome to our vernacular amd profiles. That's not a dig or judgement one way or another....

You are welcome to identify as an alien tomato and your kink can be fucking knots in maple trees and making your furry sub suck the sap off your body......... but someone will still come up with a weirder kink by Thursday.

You can save your self a LOT of headaches by establishing friendship foundation for a few weeks or months before you start whipping hot asses and licking exquisite faces for breakfast quickies before work

Be true friends with your partner. You'll thank me later

You have been hurt before... and you survived. No one can do anything worse yo you that you don't do to yourself most of thr time...

Allow yourself to take a chance on loving and being loved. Even the most extreme sluts, ho-bags and hedonists still chase Maslow's hierarchy of needs. (Even us retired ho-bags)

You are still a human being. Only play with those who still have their own humanity

Don't let anyone define YOUR relationship. You can be a blend of many things.... most are.

There is no right or wrong so long as you are not hurting anyone else and you are with another consenting adult (that aforementioned maple tree, not withstanding)

never lose that heart and soul. If someone took it, steal that shit back

Fill your well of strength. If you are someone who has an overabundance, then put some positive energy in the community and give some of that strength and support to someone in need

Sometimes in the community, we eat our young and can be vicious to a rookie.

[Ch****]

How do u build that friendship? I feel like most just focus on the sexual part, instead of the trust n relationship 🙃

[Deleted Member]

Love this.

[AProperDom]

2 hours ago, ChiadaBrat said:

How do u build that friendship? I feel like most just focus on the sexual part, instead of the trust n relationship 🙃

In my 24/7 Dom/Sub relationships I do all the normal relationship things too. I dont do this, but it was just a sexual Dom/Sub relationship I would have a conversation with my sub before and would talk and cuddle during Aftercare. So a friendship is possible in the 2nd scenario too. I'm a friendly person as well as being very strict, so I guess it depends on the couple.

[Deleted Member]

Well said!

[Deleted Member]

Friendship takes time, communication, transparency and a willingness to connect outside of the bedroom

With that foundation, the intimacy and even sexual is 1000 times better

I personally prefer very intimate, intense M/s relationship with a TPE. Because of that, I need my person to give me all of her.... and that is only going to happen with a very deep mental connection that takes time to build.

But that's just me... Rough a** biker nurse lol

[Deleted Member]

Yes, well said. Most applicants for the role of a slave/subordinate, even if they declare that they want a stronger mental contact, or do not quite understand the meaning of these words, or deliberately deceive. It is very difficult to build relationships with those who want !EVERYTHING AND AT ONCE! and in such a way that this "everything" always comes from the dominant.

[Deleted Member]

A i get older, I become pragmatic

It's not that I don't want "everything" on many levels..... it's just that I found taking the time to really connect on the mental and emotional level makes the rest of the relationship and dynamic so much better

I like when my lover and best friend are the same person. But that's just my opinion and style

[Tr****]

👏👏👏 Damn it Dave, this was perfect, well said my guy, hat off to you sir 👌

[Po****]

Thank you, awesome post. As a noob that's officially trying to figure sh*t out, it's appreciated.

[Th****]

13 hours ago, ChiadaBrat said:

How do u build that friendship? I feel like most just focus on the sexual part, instead of the trust n relationship 🙃

Set boundaries and require it on some level or another before allowing anything sexual. Setting a few simple yet firm boundaries from the start is also a good way to evaluate how they handle boundaries in general. 

[Ta****]

Well said, and given the recent influx of people, well timed.
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For anyone here looking for “instant-D/s”, slow down. You’re going to get yourself hurt. Hookup culture is bad enough in the vanilla world and the activities involved in this lifestyle require a significant level of TRUST and RESPECT.
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Trust takes time. Respect is earned.
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What mainstream portrayals don’t show people is just how important, necessary, and lengthy the vetting process is, and in failing to do so, does them a great disservice.

[Deleted Member]

This is part of why a lengthy vetting period is recommended. It still might not work out but it gives a dynamic a much better chance after building a proper foundation.

[Jo****]

sad that this even has to be said. figures everyone would know this