Trigger Words

[De****]

Some level of *** is pretty common across many of our relationships. Mine included. I get called many names in the heat of the moment that I enjoy. However, I definitely have some hard limit words. Do you all have any such words, and why?


Stupid, idiot, or anything similar is a huge issue for me. As a woman making my way in STEM I have constantly had my intelligence under-recognized or questioned. Any name alluding to lack of intelligence is paramount to *** to me.

[Deleted Member]

Same as you stupid, idiot or ignorant. I can’t handle those … but I like being : the slut, dick whore, dirty bitch …

[Fa****]

Being called stupid, silly, dumb or other names associated with my intelligence were always hard limits for me until I met someone “different”. I don’t know why or what it is about him but I not only accept those words from him, I actively asked for them and feel good hearing them. Probably because he says them in a caring/naughty way and doesn’t think that I am stupid or silly. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

However, I will not tolerate any words pertaining to my size or weight or calling me ugly x

[Go****]

I enjoy affectionate ***, but I also have one or two hard limit words which relate to previous domestic and sexual ***. There may be more that I'm unaware of as yet, but I know now, that if I do come across any, how to deal with it.

[Pl****]

I don't have any trigger words, and I think that should ultimately be the goal of everyone. If I did have such a word, I'd probably contemplate that and work on it until it no longer had that effect on me, because that's a sign that I have an insecurity or something else that I need to work on. I'd even recommend therapy for some people if they're struggling with something like that, because it's not something you have to live with, and I think it's certainly worthwhile to develop a sense of self-worth that isn't impacted by other people. 

A couple days ago, someone called me an intelligence-disparaging term, and I didn't know beforehand how I'd react, because that's never happened to me before. I found out that my reaction was to be slightly amused. I have a degree in mathematics and was generally the top student in my classes. I've placed first in state-level competitions in multiple fields. I could go on, but suffice to say that intelligence isn't something I'm insecure about. In my younger days, I might have embarrassed the person, or done some flex, but I'm secure enough now that I didn't even feel the need to. I wasn't always so immune. Growing up, I was younger than everyone else in my classes, and was often the target of bullies. At the time, I was smaller and less physically developed, and there were absolutely things I was insecure about. As I grew up, I had to tackle those issues to become the well-adjusted person I am today. I worked on myself, improved what I could, and accepted the rest. 

A lot of these kinds of reactions come as a response to past experiences or trauma, and trigger warnings have given a lot of people the impression that they should be avoiding those triggers for the rest of their lives, but that couldn't be a more harmful takeaway. Trigger warnings are helpful for letting people dealing with fresh traumas avoid facing it again before they're ready, but the last thing we should do is make trauma a part of our identity or have the belief that trauma is difficult or impossible to recover from. People that believe that trauma is something that can/should be overcome, and that they're going to be okay, tend to recover from trauma far better and more quickly. 

[De****]

2 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

Being called stupid, silly, dumb or other names associated with my intelligence were always hard limits for me until I met someone “different”. I don’t know why or what it is about him but I not only accept those words from him, I actively asked for them and feel good hearing them. Probably because he says them in a caring/naughty way and doesn’t think that I am stupid or silly. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

However, I will not tolerate any words pertaining to my size or weight or calling me ugly x

I love that you have a way to change it up

[De****]

38 minutes ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

I don't have any trigger words, and I think that should ultimately be the goal of everyone. If I did have such a word, I'd probably contemplate that and work on it until it no longer had that effect on me, because that's a sign that I have an insecurity or something else that I need to work on. I'd even recommend therapy for some people if they're struggling with something like that, because it's not something you have to live with, and I think it's certainly worthwhile to develop a sense of self-worth that isn't impacted by other people. 

A couple days ago, someone called me an intelligence-disparaging term, and I didn't know beforehand how I'd react, because that's never happened to me before. I found out that my reaction was to be slightly amused. I have a degree in mathematics and was generally the top student in my classes. I've placed first in state-level competitions in multiple fields. I could go on, but suffice to say that intelligence isn't something I'm insecure about. In my younger days, I might have embarrassed the person, or done some flex, but I'm secure enough now that I didn't even feel the need to. I wasn't always so immune. Growing up, I was younger than everyone else in my classes, and was often the target of bullies. At the time, I was smaller and less physically developed, and there were absolutely things I was insecure about. As I grew up, I had to tackle those issues to become the well-adjusted person I am today. I worked on myself, improved what I could, and accepted the rest. 

A lot of these kinds of reactions come as a response to past experiences or trauma, and trigger warnings have given a lot of people the impression that they should be avoiding those triggers for the rest of their lives, but that couldn't be a more harmful takeaway. Trigger warnings are helpful for letting people dealing with fresh traumas avoid facing it again before they're ready, but the last thing we should do is make trauma a part of our identity or have the belief that trauma is difficult or impossible to recover from. People that believe that trauma is something that can/should be overcome, and that they're going to be okay, tend to recover from trauma far better and more quickly. 

I completely respect that, but I would argue it doesn’t have to be an insecurity. I have zero insecurity about my intelligence. Rather it’s a disparaging word that gets thrown an me often. I spend a lot of time disproving it to get the respect I need to perform my job.

[Pl****]

27 minutes ago, denver725 said:

I completely respect that, but I would argue it doesn’t have to be an insecurity. I have zero insecurity about my intelligence. Rather it’s a disparaging word that gets thrown an me often. I spend a lot of time disproving it to get the respect I need to perform my job.

Sorry, the term "trigger word" may have given me the wrong impression. It sounds like it's just more of an annoyance for you. 

[Ba****]

Any kind of feminine compliments or things is a hard no for me. I'm a trans man, so hearing things like "You're such a beautiful slut" will immediately make me want to stop. Beautiful, pretty, baby girl, princess, queen are all nos for me. 

Most everything else, that I've heard of, is okay with me. Especially if it's degradapraise. (my word for *** and praise being use together.) Always makes me wanna become a puddle. Lol

[XeBernie]

On 7/30/2023 at 9:51 AM, Pleasurecalculus said:

A lot of these kinds of reactions come as a response to past experiences or trauma, and trigger warnings have given a lot of people the impression that they should be avoiding those triggers for the rest of their lives, but that couldn't be a more harmful takeaway. Trigger warnings are helpful for letting people dealing with fresh traumas avoid facing it again before they're ready, but the last thing we should do is make trauma a part of our identity or have the belief that trauma is difficult or impossible to recover from. People that believe that trauma is something that can/should be overcome, and that they're going to be okay, tend to recover from trauma far better and more quickly. 

There are people who will face trauma head on, trying to overcome what is shackling them. But plenty of others will use trigger words as a way of escaping the *** of trauma, even to the point if living in denial while being shackeled for life.

It is not our prerogative how someone chooses to address their trauma. But trigger warnings give those that need a softer world to navigate at least an opportunity to heal in their own time and space with respectful consideration of those that support them.

If someone has trigger words and is not discussing it (both in substance and cause) in an open and honest manner with both their therapist and partner, I would suggest that is a big mistake. I do not believe that someone can have a healthy sexual relationship (must less kink) unless they are coming from a healthy mental state themselves and the support and respect of their partner.

I am a Dom and my partner has mental health issues. I am very direct about it and check in with my partner frequently. This does not mean I'm less of a Dom, it means that I care for her outside of a D/s dynamic and her well being comes before any dynamic. 

[De****]

41 minutes ago, XeBernie said:

There are people who will face trauma head on, trying to overcome what is shackling them. But plenty of others will use trigger words as a way of escaping the *** of trauma, even to the point if living in denial while being shackeled for life.

It is not our prerogative how someone chooses to address their trauma. But trigger warnings give those that need a softer world to navigate at least an opportunity to heal in their own time and space with respectful consideration of those that support them.

If someone has trigger words and is not discussing it (both in substance and cause) in an open and honest manner with both their therapist and partner, I would suggest that is a big mistake. I do not believe that someone can have a healthy sexual relationship (must less kink) unless they are coming from a healthy mental state themselves and the support and respect of their partner.

I am a Dom and my partner has mental health issues. I am very direct about it and check in with my partner frequently. This does not mean I'm less of a Dom, it means that I care for her outside of a D/s dynamic and her well being comes before any dynamic. 

I adore this answer. There is certainly no right or wrong way to deal with trauma. There is also no way to compare trauma from person to person. We all have no idea how we would handle the load some one else is carrying. Tell your sub they are very lucky to have you. 😊

[De****]

9 hours ago, BabyBoyNate said:

Any kind of feminine compliments or things is a hard no for me. I'm a trans man, so hearing things like "You're such a beautiful slut" will immediately make me want to stop. Beautiful, pretty, baby girl, princess, queen are all nos for me. 

Most everything else, that I've heard of, is okay with me. Especially if it's degradapraise. (my word for *** and praise being use together.) Always makes me wanna become a puddle. Lol

I’m loving the word you coined.

[MasterDarcy1979]

From a Dominant's perspective:

I love a little bit of brat in my sub, so, literally no word or name calling is off-the-menu.

Of course, there's a time and a place for everything, and I do love a good ol' banter session, but generally, name calling is fine.

Let's face it, sometimes you need a reason to break out the paddle.

I like a submissive who can stand toe-to-toe with me and is able to give as good as she gets. I don't have a thin skin. I have no filter, so, I expect the same in my sub.

As I said, though, a time and a place.

A submissive who was 100% subservient and cowed would bore me to tears. I need a submissive who can match me both intellectually and emotionally, if that means going all "Sam and Diane", all the better.