Doms meeting Subs Needs

[Deleted Member]

I need a doms perspective and advice. I found someone and we hit it off but I get an intuition feel that it’s a one way where he gets what’s he wants when he wants but he doesn’t tend to my needs as a sub… he says he will and then disappears or applies the silent treatment. Idk if you know but silent treatment is detrimental to a sub as it pushes us away since we don’t see the dom as a reliable safe place.

Any advice & insight is welcome, I am fairly new to this community.


I just want a soft dom with quality communication, understanding of caring for me as a sub, and being open to me getting to know him🤍

[Mr****]

To be honest i guess you have caught a narcist … my advice; run away Girl before you are to caught up in his web of Manipulation

[me****]

You just said it yourself “ silent treatment is detrimental to a sub “ and if that’s how he’s treating you already then ask yourself if this is what you want. Communication is a huge part in any relationship dynamics specifically dom/sub. Sounds to me he sees you as a doormat, you deserve to have clarity no matter what.

[Deleted Member]

And that is ***. That right there is abusive and manipulative behavior. That is not OK. That is not safe, that is not sane, that is not consensual. That is not negotiated. Please run. You deserve better. 

[GreyHog]

If you are seeking a soft dom with good communication, you should dump contact with doms with bad communication. Most doms are adults and rarely get better with things over time. Do you want to train them or have them train you? Happiness is valuable, don't waste it.

[ge****]

If you're feeling unfulfilled or that it's all about him and his needs then he either needs to demonstrate he's listened and taken that into account by actions not words - or you need to move on
.
Sounds like he's playing you to be honest

[Da****]

For me as a dom, when I draw up a contract I put in what they can expect from me as well. ZERO relationships should be one sided…
And if he’s using less time as a form of punishment then I suggest you get out now.
We have obligations as a dom and need to uphold them. Not knowing what kind of conversations y’all have had etc it’s hard to read your particulars…
But I put it all down where it’s readable and expect my submissive to be open and honest when I am not or if I’m not upkeeping them and also when they have needs that change to be open and honest.
Sounds to me like you have a fake on your hands…
Sounds like you need more of a daddy type dom…
But us real doms appreciate the gift of submission and see it as our duty and privilege to take care of our parts
Good luck in finding a match for you

[Deleted Member]

Doesn't sound like an actual Dom. Sounds like someone who is a narcissist

[JonBlack]

That's a fake Dom, beware. Our dominance is not one-sided. Silent treatment is not relevant in online type obedience training, I don't really use that as a punishment any. You are restrained and left alone for a while, which is a lesson. but not abandonement type disappearing act. You should know the Dom is in another room, not gone. You should always feel secure. You should keep the gut feeling and tread with caution, then ask yourself if this playtime is what you want.

[Sh****]

if he isn’t interested in learning/doing aftercare, then he isn’t really a dom. Imo 🤷‍♂️

[Do****]

Sounds like you need to communicate more with your Dom and talk about after care

[Bi****]

He is playing you..A Real/True Dom cares for his Submissive 110%

[ed****]

Communication between sub and dom is important , you should be able to discuss anything, he may be thinking this is how a dom should be, everyone has different views , Let him know. If it remains the same you may need to look for what suits you

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately MANY narcissistic asshats use the title of "Dom" as an excuse to *** and degrade women, while others think it's their god given right to collect a harem of subs. If your dom is not fulfilling your needs then he is not holding up his end of the dynamic. There ARE doms out there who are monogamous and value the bond that can be built in a long-term relationship with just 1 sub. Unfortunately it sounds like yours isn't one of them. I would tell him VERY clearly how you feel and if he doesn't change his behavior move on and find one who will meet all your needs. Best of luck 🙂

[Ch****]

I have this problem too. All I have ever wanted was a soft Dom who’s affectionate. Someone who communicates well, checks in often, and values our time together.

I too am fairly new to the community, but I met someone about 7 months ago and we entered into a D/s arrangement. He’s a few years younger than me, and I also found that he didn’t tend to my needs as a sub very well either. In my experience, he just never seemed to have enough time for me and wasn’t very open to communicating at times. He wasn’t very forthcoming with information about himself, but always told me that he was an “open book” and that I could ask him anything. I can be a bit needy and I crave attention, so I often took it personally and would shy away from him. It wasn’t until I completely broke things off with him and we spent some time apart, that he then started to come around. Since that time, we’ve had discussions about what needs to be fixed in our arrangement, and he seems pretty open to fixing things. But who knows? He could just be blowing smoke, idk.

I said all of that to say that I know exactly what you’re going through. It’s immensely frustrating, especially because I feel as though we’re not actually asking for a lot. Just someone who’s kind and open, and tends to our individual needs as subs. I sincerely hope you find what you’re looking for out here ❤️

[Br****]

Keep communicating your needs and concerns with him. Communication is key in kink and voicing how each of you are feeling at any given time is very important. But also if he continues to not show any indication of caring about your needs or concerns I would move on. Because if he won’t do it now he never will

[Rena-5651]

Do not continue interaction with him, he sounds like he isn't actually a real Dom in the community. I understand you completely on the soft Dom part. I recommend going to chat with lobby people not to seek Dom's but to get a feel on how actual Dom's in the community are supposed to act. Also if you would like you can dm me and I can definitely help on how to vet Dom's. From a fellow sub pov I do like helping tips wise,

[Shilo66]

You already know the answer, you just won't admit it to yourself. It's like all communication on here, if they're really interested, they'll respond quickly or in a timely manner, and, if they can't they'll tell you why or will apologise if there's been a big delay in responding... WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO ASK. If they don't, then they're either not that interested or talking to others. Again, you already know this. So, just think, if they're doing this to you now at this early stage, it's only going to get worse NOT better.

[ey****]

this probably isn't going to work out.

you need to be very clear what you want from the arrangement and a simple can he do these (and then, follows through) or not

and if not, the relationship isn't going to work out and you need to let it go and, as much as it sucks, restart your search

A lot of Dominants have different ideas on how they do things, and some comes from a lot of ideas that float around that aren't for everyone (the whole "I am the Dom, you do as I say, you serve my needs" - works brilliantly for some, but for others it's just not compatible 

[Nicky898]

It should be both way communication and needs , also silence have you ever discussed this as for me it’s a hard limit in negotiations. My advise would be take away the title he’s a human being and should treat someone properly doesn’t matter he is a Dom , if this was one of your friends what advise would you give them . Maybe take some time and think what you want and need and how it’s going and then chat to him if you can and then if no change , it’s then for you decide if your willing to live like this , hope this helps you deserve to be happy

[MisstressStorm]

33 minutes ago, Domjohn2727 said:

Sounds like you need to communicate more with your Dom and talk about after care

I think it’s incumbent for a Dominant to leave the way open for their sub to state their needs . Never a one way street 😉

[Deleted Member]

Personally as a Dom my approach in the beginning is kinda backs I start of pretty aggressive, I only show that soft caring side once I’ve actually met that person in person, honestly I know myself well and I can be a lot, a lot dominant and in control but very sweet and caring too. But the reason i personally don’t show that or that I’m capable of that until I met them for my sake and theirs. But this is how I do, not everyone will have the same approach. And honesty go with your gut instinct, there are a lot of fake doms out there.

[un****]

this sounds like a case of neglect and not just life happening i would recommend not interacting with that person anymore because in any dynamic there needs to be communication and if a dom can’t keep that line open and at least be straight forward with you then you need to move on unfortunately

[do****]

Imo, repeat, imo. I think you have gone too far without a proper understanding which I am seeing more and more of within the community. Nothing should begin without a proper understanding and foundation or you are doomed to fail. Which is why communication is so vital. It is the centerpiece of the dynamic. Now if your needs where discussed and agreed upon and he is not holding up his end of the arrangements, then the dynamic is null and void imo. That's just how I do things. If they were not discussed, take a pause and go back to the drawing board. This world is too serious to be playing games with people's minds and emotions. Once that's starts to happen, it's all bets are off with me. And I will communicate that upfront and when that times comes. One-sided relationships in this LS is more than likely ***.

[MisstressStorm]

53 minutes ago, fletsgo said:

Personally as a Dom my approach in the beginning is kinda backs I start of pretty aggressive, I only show that soft caring side once I’ve actually met that person in person, honestly I know myself well and I can be a lot, a lot dominant and in control but very sweet and caring too. But the reason i personally don’t show that or that I’m capable of that until I met them for my sake and theirs. But this is how I do, not everyone will have the same approach. And honesty go with your gut instinct, there are a lot of fake doms out there.

Impressed that approach works for you. Subs aren’t to be intimatated until you feel empowered enough to be ‘caring’. I bet you have subs queuing around the block to get a bit of you…. I know I do ⛈