Doms

[Mi****]

Not all doms are made from the same cloth. So what I am saying is how do some doms get their sub to get excited over you again?

[Mr****]

You don't get your sub excited over you again....you keep them in different stages of excitement I can Dom my sub will cooking tea from a deep breath behind her neck etc as we have built up a deep understanding and connection based on 100% trust and respect.

[no****]

I’m always excited by my Dom. Just a text from him is enough

[miss_maya]

We doms are not here to entertain our subs and slaves. Slaves have to follow blindly not expect me to get them excited. Nowhere slavery was fun and exciting

[Do****]

Get to know them, what their buttons are. What makes them excited? What do they want to feel from the dynamic? Press their buttons to keep them engaged. Both sides need to get what they want from the relationship.

[Ma****]

Service gets them excited. Make them serve you.

[LS****]

D/s relationships are the same as any other relationship this way, they progress through stages. In any long term commitment, the initial exciting spark of attraction and romance has to make way for enduring trust and affection at some point; it’s natural, not something to be worried about. Just make the most of the best facet of long relationships - when you know and trust each other, it’s easier to try new things and develop your tastes.

Tl;dr: you hopefully trust each other more now. Get a firm safe word in place, and find excitement in trying new things together. Experiment.

[Mi****]

At one time my sub wanted me to be more of a mean dom. So I said that I can but I am going all in. It ended up back firing on me cause of it. Can anyone tell me why she wanted me to be more mean?

[Ma****]

This is just basic common sense. She wanted you to be meaner because she obviously has a fetish for humiliation/degradation/masochism/ etc.

This is a question you should really be asking her.

[sp****]

It’s all mutual, set boundaries and limits then work together

[pl****]

I really don't know how to answer this I just be myself and if they are into it and they're into it If not oh well

[Lu****]

3 hours ago, Mightythor said:

At one time my sub wanted me to be more of a mean dom. So I said that I can but I am going all in. It ended up back firing on me cause of it. Can anyone tell me why she wanted me to be more mean?

Degradation isn’t the same as being mean and you have to ensure you offset that in other areas and aren’t choosing things to be ‘mean’ about that actually make her uncomfortable. For example I’m not ok with my partner ever calling me a whore but I like when he calls me his slut those are very different in my mind and elicit different reactions. At the end of the day it just requires you to talk to her and ask ‘hey what about (xyz) made you uncomfortable or are there specific parts of that you don’t want me to repeat?’ Ask her not us.

[Mi****]

I tried asking her and she didn't tell me

[Mi****]

3 hours ago, MasterTravis said:

This is just basic common sense. She wanted you to be meaner because she obviously has a fetish for humiliation/degradation/masochism/ etc.

This is a question you should really be asking her.

She hasn't admitted it but I have fingered her in an uber while the driver watched and there was a camera. I am unsure how to get her to tell me her fetish even though I already know it

[Mi****]

1 hour ago, LunaDeamon said:

Degradation isn’t the same as being mean and you have to ensure you offset that in other areas and aren’t choosing things to be ‘mean’ about that actually make her uncomfortable. For example I’m not ok with my partner ever calling me a whore but I like when he calls me his slut those are very different in my mind and elicit different reactions. At the end of the day it just requires you to talk to her and ask ‘hey what about (xyz) made you uncomfortable or are there specific parts of that you don’t want me to repeat?’ Ask her not us.

I have tried that but when I do it doesn't get worked out. She is an introvert, a little, a sub, a brat all wrapped up into one. She keeps blowing up at me when I do talk to her about it. She misreads what I said, she even cries and blames herself

[slavewife]

I hate mine but for reasons outside kink but when we together I know that my respect and love will fall once in his arms. Takes for me just rubbing my head to fall asleep or breath in my neck or daft thing he holds my thigh when driving (not endorsing this ) remember don/ sun is different to dom / slave you want a sun remember we control everything just talk and let the journey be amazing if you cannot talk then sorry there is something wrong and you need to look at if it right for you and her / him

[Clarakink]

17 hours ago, miss_maya said:

We doms are not here to entertain our subs and slaves. Slaves have to follow blindly not expect me to get them excited. Nowhere slavery was fun and exciting

Each to their own, but I disagree. If your sub gains pleasure and enjoyment from poor treatment and slavery that's cool. If not it might verge on an abuse of power.

[Clarakink]

15 hours ago, Mightythor said:

At one time my sub wanted me to be more of a mean dom. So I said that I can but I am going all in. It ended up back firing on me cause of it. Can anyone tell me why she wanted me to be more mean?

I think the relationship might have run its course. From what you have said it would appear neither of you are communicating well or meeting each others needs. Which is not a criticism, just an observation.

[Ve****]

You ask your sub this question. Connection requires communication.

[Lu****]

18 hours ago, Mightythor said:

I have tried that but when I do it doesn't get worked out. She is an introvert, a little, a sub, a brat all wrapped up into one. She keeps blowing up at me when I do talk to her about it. She misreads what I said, she even cries and blames herself

Make sure you talk to her outside of little space it can be hard to have adult conversations like that without reacting immaturely for one. Secondly you may have to asses the way you’re talking to her miscommunication happens if it keeps happening consistently you have to change the way you speak or describe things. Third thing to just keep in mind based only really on that last part this could be manipulative behavior towards some other end but I don’t know you guys so take that with a lot of salt.

[Mi****]

10 minutes ago, LunaDeamon said:

Make sure you talk to her outside of little space it can be hard to have adult conversations like that without reacting immaturely for one. Secondly you may have to asses the way you’re talking to her miscommunication happens if it keeps happening consistently you have to change the way you speak or describe things. Third thing to just keep in mind based only really on that last part this could be manipulative behavior towards some other end but I don’t know you guys so take that with a lot of salt.

Manipulative? By what or whom. Please do elaborate

[Lu****]

11 minutes ago, Mightythor said:

Manipulative? By what or whom. Please do elaborate

Again grain of salt cannot stress enough to not attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance. But it’s a form of emotional manipulation common in women/subs/and femme presenting people to react to things they don’t like with dramatic emotional distress (crying, blaming oneself, self harm etc) to both end the conversation and make the other person feel bad for even trying to have it. The goal is often to not have to change a behavior that is detrimental to the other person but that part varies wildly.

[Mi****]

2 hours ago, LunaDeamon said:

Again grain of salt cannot stress enough to not attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance. But it’s a form of emotional manipulation common in women/subs/and femme presenting people to react to things they don’t like with dramatic emotional distress (crying, blaming oneself, self harm etc) to both end the conversation and make the other person feel bad for even trying to have it. The goal is often to not have to change a behavior that is detrimental to the other person but that part varies wildly.

Hmm? Can you rephrase that please

[Mi****]

3 hours ago, LunaDeamon said:

Again grain of salt cannot stress enough to not attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance. But it’s a form of emotional manipulation common in women/subs/and femme presenting people to react to things they don’t like with dramatic emotional distress (crying, blaming oneself, self harm etc) to both end the conversation and make the other person feel bad for even trying to have it. The goal is often to not have to change a behavior that is detrimental to the other person but that part varies wildly.

I am unsure of what you mean exactly

[Lu****]

3 hours ago, Mightythor said:

I am unsure of what you mean exactly

If you bring a concern up to a partner, and they become so upset or ashamed that they make it completely about how bad they’re feeling, this may be a form of emotional manipulation. This can draw attention away from the concern and onto comforting the other person.(choosing therapy 2023) - that’s a textbook example of emotional manipulation though it is not always intentional which is how that last portion sounded to me even if that was not the case.