Am I normal? Just need a little guidance

[po****]

So, I'm not new to the DOM/sub lifestyle, but I AM new to the community. It's complicated. However, I am a free sub looking for a DOM, but I don't want to just hook up with anyone. I work a normal job (hence the no profile pic, you know, discretion), I have a normal life, but I am not normal. I am also a coward when it comes to meeting people face to face. I feel like a respectful DOM who is patient and yet firm has to exist, but I only get messages from men that give me red flags. I'm sorry if this is not the place to put this, I really am just looking for answers. So, am I normal?

[FETMOD-TF]

Hi all,

This topic has been allowed for advice purposes only, so please stay on topic and no "I'll be your Dominant" type comments and so on, as they will be removed and warnings forthcoming.   Thank you

[Ri****]

You're very normal! You're just not finding the right man for you yet. It'll happen!!

[Deleted Member]

I’m the same way. I can’t say if it’s normal or not but just know you definitely not alone

[k-****]

You sound totally normal to me, and it also sounds like you know what you're looking for and what you want which is definitely a step in the right direction. I'm sure there are definitely people out there that match your description for what you're looking for it may just take some time to find the right person for you.

[Deleted Member]

Yes you are very much as normal as anyone else would or could be. But in all honesty we’re all freaky weirdos in our own right and it’s far better to embrace you abnormal behavior and traits than trying to fit in with “being normal “ normal boring and overrated embrace your weird bc that’s what makes you you . And as far as the being careful about meeting people it’s not your fault the worlds gone to shit and everyone has trust issues. So don’t be to hard on yourself about meeting people or being picky about the people you allow inside your life or entertain

[Sw****]

Lots of red flag "doms" on here. Stay safe trust your gut always....also why do you not feel normal?

[Deleted Member]

Completely normal, just need to get the right vibe from a person which makes you comfortable enough to meet them irl

[Deleted Member]

You’re just like the rest of us. You’re being genuine and honest. You’re a little shy but that’s fine. There are lots of very respectful doms out there and also other subs you could connect with to talk about people that have stood where you now stand. It’s very clear that when you look at the statistics of the profiles on here that simply being female gets you a barrage of messages. There a lot of horny desperate guys out there that are really not what you (or any sub) is looking for. So you will have to wade through a hell of a lot of junk to get to the gem. Just be honest and a dom that is exactly what you’re looking for will find you soon and take you under his wing. It’s good that you’re seeing the red flags and being cautious. Trust your gut, it’s never lies. And just have some patience while you fantasise about your ideal dom.

[Greenman56]

There are such doms out there, keep looking, perhaps sum up the courage to take the initiative if you come across a profile that looks s promising.

[Deleted Member]

Sorry for not having helpful advice, but I am really curious what the red flags are

[Ra****]

You are normal. Your needs for a relationship are valid. Take your time. Be careful. It seems like you are already doing what you need to in order to be safe. Just like other dating sites and in any other form of trying to find someone, you have to sift through the ones that don't work for you before you find the one who does. There will always be more people who won't work for you than you will find that match what you need. Again, be safe and take your time. Don't get discouraged because you can't find someone who matches what you need. You will find that person in time.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, TKG_Sheffield said:

Completely normal, just need to get the right vibe from a person which makes you comfortable enough to meet them irl

A big majority of People in general are huge walking red flags on here and social media as a whole

[Ev****]

No looking for someone like that is totally normal, pacing yourself and finding the right guy is hard especially online. We tend to disassociate online and well not treat people well the same we would inperson a curse and blessing from the internet.I for one know I might give off red flags jumping to fantasys and my sex bucket list after a short while because it feels a conversations stagnate as well as when you actively engaging with someone that feeling of maybe finding a sub can be intoxicating and cloud our vision and well we all know what happens when we only think about sex we do and say dumb things. Not that there isn't a bunch of sex crazy maniacs out there. As well as meeting face to face does put both parties in an extremely *** spot since you can never know another person's true intentions. I donr want to *** monger it's just a truth when you live this sort of life style and wish to keep your private life well private. But don't be discouraged there is that dom out there for you somewhere just make sure you vet people, don't do anything stupid and probably go somewhere where there is a community of other kinky people who share the same sexual interests you do and are more likely to be held accountable by the others in that said community. Hoped that helped and happy searching.

[Da****]

You sound normal to me.. When I was looking for my sub, I wanted something real and had to be patient to find the right sub so yes they are out there

[Da****]

Normal is simply a relative term and extremely subjective. However this is a very relatable and common plight. The real issue is the amount of dbags that think sub means weak and kinky means easy. The good news is it eliminates them fast, unfortunately weeding through the douchebaggary I understand Can be daunting. Of course there are respectful doms, and with the right connection things are worth waiting for.
Just need to shift the paradigm and make you realize that it takes work to find something worthwhile, with every wanna be you move on from the closer you get to the dom that deems you and your submission the worthy gem it is!

[j_****]

Are any of us “normal?” You like what you like and want what you want, healthy relationships are based on consent. Be patient and you might find the right one 🤷🏻‍♂️

[do****]

I'll take it deeper. "Normal" What's that? I honestly do not know what that is. But from your question, I can tell that you are a human being because you are using critical thinking skills. Please, don't put yourself in a box other than human being, things become a whole lot simpler that way. You are doing what any other human being would do looking for the perfect mate. Assessing the menu. It's natural. Keep in mind that sometimes it might be a marathon and not a race. Perfection takes time. Anyone rushing your time is definitely a red flag. You are driving your own car until you consensual choose to hand over the keys. Remember that. Imo you are doing nothing wrong, especially not thinking wrong. Keep your guard up until it's safe to do otherwise. It's only natural human behavior 😊

[po****]

1 hour ago, aurora854 said:

Sorry for not having helpful advice, but I am really curious what the red flags are

For me specifically, if someone instantly tells me what they want to do to me, and especially if it's something I have said is something I have as a hard limit, it tells me immediately they aren't interested in listening to me, or learning anything about me, therefore I see it as they think of themselves only, and that's dangerous. There are other things, but if you can't say hi without immediately asking me to be yours, telling me how horny you are, etc., I don't feel like it is going to work for me. And I know there are other flags, and everyone is different, but these are some flags for me specifically.

[po****]

1 hour ago, SweetlittleMina said:

Lots of red flag "doms" on here. Stay safe trust your gut always....also why do you not feel normal?

Because, everyone that is in this lifestyle is either beautiful,bold, or super breathtaking in one way or another....I'm just a hard worker and a home body-and I don't really like sharing my deviances with the whole world, I like to keep those between myself and my DOM idk

[Deleted Member]

Totally normal
Fake doms breed on this website and it’s super difficult for o connect when the other person is insistent about what you can do for them
I’m super new
But I avoid anyone who automatically puts on the front to tell me about what they want me to do for them
I had someone ask me repeatedly if I would give them whatever they want and I’d never even met them
You’re normal. It’s normal to keep your business private especially when there so much misinformation and prejudice about it. Protect yourself first.

[Deleted Member]

Really nice to see all the support on this post. Whenever you need to hear some kind words of reassurance just speak up and the kinksters will be there for you. I hope that reading the replies made you feel better ❤️

[gi****]

I think communication, connection, and safety need to be at the core of this lifestyle. Being able to trust someone, to talk to them, to understand them as a person beyond the role, is a healthy part of developing a relationship. For them to seek to understand you, to hear and see you as a unique individual, beyond the role is really important. Nothing you are asking for is abnormal.

[Go****]

It’s difficult finding the right people to connect with.

[Po****]

You're doing just fine...you just need a d with ptience, like meeeeeeee. I've already had this situation where I didn't meet the person for a very long time. And it was a relatihip done on phone social media apps. Until.