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Am I normal? Just need a little guidance


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Posted
I can understand where u are coming from. I also find it difficult to meet folks.
I'll go to parties alone as i don't know anyone,
and leave alone wondering if I'm doing something wrong,
if its me or others, and just where is that right person? I don't have advice for you, just can relate my experience and compassion so far.
i try to be patient and not be hard on myself and others in my head...big hug, and wish you can be seen soon. 🤗🙏💕💅🏻💃
Posted
You’re deff normal I’m new to this too just make sure u let them know if they overstep boundaries take your time and always listen to your gut play safe
DarkArts1066
Posted
Someone once said “you’ve got to kiss a lot of Frogs, before you find your Prince” … (Mae West, Walt Disney, Kermit - I can’t remember…)
But it IS definitely true, especially when looking for a Dom - or a sub for that matter.
Us Doms have a hellish time finding the right sub…. So you are not alone.

Be prepared to have a LOT of conversations, some of which will lead to nothing. If you are lucky, you will encounter people who will become your friends along the way… but many will drift away, because YOU are not what They want.
Some will end up blocked - by you, for being inappropriate, not just unsuitable. Hopefully their numbers will be low.

Only you know exactly what you are looking for, and what compromises you are prepared to make.
If you have a long tick list of qualifications for your Dom… and are not prepared to compromise in some way (I don’t mean capitulate here - they are two very different things) - then you may have a long, possibly fruitless search.
Start with a short, simple list of requirements if you aren’t getting enough interest.. then add in the details as you engage and chat with more people.

Anyone who ‘Demands’ anything from you in the talking stage gets binned - or blocked. You have yet to establish a relationship with that person. That is unreasonable behaviour.

Chat with people on here - and/or other reputable sites. Contribute to other peoples’ threads - some people will contact you to discuss your point of view - or strike up conversations with you because they LIKE your point of view !

Go to munches close to your area - if you can find them. You should NOT ‘have’ to play at a munch - don’t be drawn on that..!

Looking at your geographical area, you may have to travel - perhaps plan a weekend away in a bigger town or City, make contacts at a munch, and network, network, network from there.

Finding “The One” is a journey. As you search, you will develop yourself. Your likes, dislikes, interests, Limits.

You can post pictures - just not of your face - if you require anonymity. We all like an idea of who it is we are talking to.

If you are seeking a Dom, be respectful, but don’t compromise your self respect.

Finally - you are ‘normal’ as you put it.
The journey can be long, but rewarding in the end.
Good luck with your search.
Posted
Keep in mind YOUR fom is out there. Try other ppls kinks but find your own.
Posted
The search for quality over quantity as a sub can feel daunting at times. Just remember that as a sub you are the ones that's ultimately is in control. They can't dominate you unless you choose to give the gift of submission.

As for "normal"; What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly ~ just because you have your own kinks and preferences doesn't make you not normal. They make you, YOU. You will find your Dom eventually. You're just gonna have to short through the fake doms, the doms that just aren't for you, etc until you find the one(s) you vibe with. Just be firm in your boundaries and good luck.
Posted
Tell you a little secret; There is NO such thing as normal....Society suggests you live life a certain way but the most beautiful thing about a person is what makes you different! Meeting new people is hard and for some it's even harder. You're not a coward in the least. Your focus should be on safety. You maybe a sub but submission is a gift that should be earned you make the rules your dom has to work within that. Biggest thing is keep researching and learning.
Posted
I,

Feel this on the deepest level. I have been on the site for such a short amount of time.
I've written a descriptive bio then changed it... No matter what I say, it's still the same. There's so much sorting.
I try to give every message a kind and thoughtful response but it's sometimes not possible. Just because I'm here looking for a Dom that can understand my kinks doesn't mean that all I am is a sex object. I'm a person with wants and desires outside of my kink.

I really appreciate your post. It's not good that you're going through this but it helps to feel not so alone in the struggle.

Kind thoughts your way.
Posted
Yes you are normal, being new to this stuff is very daunting and can be scary, meeting people online regardless of it is kinky or not can be scary at the best of times. So yes what you are doing is the alright way to handle things. We all have to start somewhere
Posted
You remind me of someone I know someone that I treasured very much but I probably pushed to much around at the wrong time .
Normality is given by majority so being normal or not is not the question here , the real question is : do you want a Dom or do you want a partner that would embrace the same fantasy ? Meeting people for a kink is usually extremely awkward because you chating with them online for a while and telling them things which you would not normally say to people at your " normal " job and then the moment is coming that you need to meet this person and then most of women chiken out because already they open themselves that much that will be to strange for a person that knows so much about them to enter them life .
My advice is to chat with someone or maybe more then 1 person and get some ideea about what people expecting from you as a sub and how a Dom should actually be for you to link . Then weaponized with this informations just explore in real life , just meet people, expose yourself and find out more , most men are dominant by nature so will be fairly easy to find somebody that can do that for you .
In the end think like this you are a hungry person you need to eat but you dreaming about a very posh dish cooked by Gordon Ramsay however you cant get it at this moment for whatever reason , think what is better wait for dish until you lose your mind out of hunger or have a kebab what is available for you just now ?
The reason am saying this is because as much as you fansaise about things that fantasy will become bigger and harder to control and will affect other areas of your life but if you try it even if dose not go how you want from the first try at least you learn something and feed yourself temporarily
Posted
First..never stop asking questions second..take a kink friend with you
Posted
6 hours ago, DaRo969 said:
You remind me of someone I know someone that I treasured very much but I probably pushed to much around at the wrong time .
Normality is given by majority so being normal or not is not the question here , the real question is : do you want a Dom or do you want a partner that would embrace the same fantasy ? Meeting people for a kink is usually extremely awkward because you chating with them online for a while and telling them things which you would not normally say to people at your " normal " job and then the moment is coming that you need to meet this person and then most of women chiken out because already they open themselves that much that will be to strange for a person that knows so much about them to enter them life .
My advice is to chat with someone or maybe more then 1 person and get some ideea about what people expecting from you as a sub and how a Dom should actually be for you to link . Then weaponized with this informations just explore in real life , just meet people, expose yourself and find out more , most men are dominant by nature so will be fairly easy to find somebody that can do that for you .
In the end think like this you are a hungry person you need to eat but you dreaming about a very posh dish cooked by Gordon Ramsay however you cant get it at this moment for whatever reason , think what is better wait for dish until you lose your mind out of hunger or have a kebab what is available for you just now ?
The reason am saying this is because as much as you fansaise about things that fantasy will become bigger and harder to control and will affect other areas of your life but if you try it even if dose not go how you want from the first try at least you learn something and feed yourself temporarily

I hear what you are saying. And I appreciate the advice, however, say I do what you are saying and it turns out that he teaches me that he was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and is in essence the final piece that shatters me beyond repair? Your advice is be brave, look around and find him in every day life. My problem is, what's to stop everyday Steve from causing harm to my soul as well? I have had that approach, it was a domineering jerk, but he sure played nice until he had his prize, how many lessons have to be learned until you get your prize as a sub? That's too dangerous in my opinion, a sub gives trust and then rationalizes the Dom's behavior....it leads to trauma and abuse in the wrong hands. Safety in community.

Posted
I totally relate hun I'm in exactly the same boat... I'm here to find a new partner... A dom I can love respect and worship who appreciates my loyalty and devotion... But literally every guy that's msged me has been so crude rude vile or just immediately wants to hook up for no strings fun like what you think I'm gona meet you and let you treat me like a piece of meat... No dude my body is a temple n you better worship it or you will never gain entry...
Posted
21 hours ago, porcelain_babydoll said:

I hear what you are saying. And I appreciate the advice, however, say I do what you are saying and it turns out that he teaches me that he was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and is in essence the final piece that shatters me beyond repair? Your advice is be brave, look around and find him in every day life. My problem is, what's to stop everyday Steve from causing harm to my soul as well? I have had that approach, it was a domineering jerk, but he sure played nice until he had his prize, how many lessons have to be learned until you get your prize as a sub? That's too dangerous in my opinion, a sub gives trust and then rationalizes the Dom's behavior....it leads to trauma and abuse in the wrong hands. Safety in community.

I completely understand your frustrations and concerns.  And honestly, there is no guarantee.   And, I know you aren't asking for one.  Truth, I think we need to do better at supporting subs in the kink community so that they can set healthy boundaries with Doms.  And, we need to do a better job of holding Doms who aren't respectful, understanding, trustworthy, and who act in nonconsensual ways, accountable for their actions.  How we do this, I'm not certain.  I know it starts with open discussions.   I think we do have to find a way to help subs feel safe, and not have you feel like every message is going to be crude, rude, or vile (thanks sexylexa88 for that wording).  I don't want to hijack this discussion in any way, but I think it would be great to have a discussion on safety around approaching submissives (I know I would benefit from that as much as anyone), and on accountability for Doms.  I know this is a virtual space and these are challenging, but I do think there is some utility in these discussions.  As always, just my two cents.  But, I do want to express my sincere apologies to all subs who have to put up with vileness on here.

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted
Wow this is crazy to hear. I’ve been very respectful to women on here and I’m starting to believe I’ve been too nice. Because I’m still having problems finding someone on here.
Posted
I feel you, I also immediately find too many red flags from the men that msg me, I just want someone low-key and chill
Posted
Am I doing something wrong with my profile? I'm new to bdsm and can't get any reactions
Posted
Perhaps the firm ones are approaching you with a less firm tone because they want to show you respect.. and are waiting until they have your permission to become more firm.
Posted
You’re normal. I’ve come to realize (even thought I’m also new) most kinky sites are filled with many people who a) claim to be kinky and aren’t b) are predators looking to take advantage of people, and c) People looking for constant hookups. I feel like it’s almost impossible to find someone who isn’t sex hungry as well
MasterDarcy1979
Posted

No. You're not normal.

Would we be here if we were normal (Vanilla)?

Jut be true to yourself. Be patient and stop worrying.

Who wants to be normal anyway? *shudder*

Posted
Yes, you're completely normal. It is very important to create your profile correctly, which contains clear and explicit "no", and believe me, fewer people will start writing to you, but MUCH better and more thoughtful. Try to directly describe what you expect, like "NO HOOKUPS" (even if it's just a limit and not a taboo), and people will come to you who understand that you won't give them hookups, and then you can discuss in person that you don't mind it (if). I would like to know this sooner, and this way I would save myself a ton of time.
Posted

It sounds like you have normal boundaries and value your work life and personal time and space, and don’t want social f**kery or boundary pushers to mess with those valuable parts of you and your experience. Totally normal, and very smart. I wish we could just let all boundaries fall away and go buck wild, but vetting and communication are super important to make sure everyone is on the same page

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