Information to share with potential subs as a Dom

[Nocturne]

I'd like to make vetting easier for people I engage with, and I've seen some posts with advice on what a sub could ask a Dom and vice versa, but I'd also like to ask, if compiling information to make vetting easier for the other, what information is the best to add to such a document? 

I don't want to make it something that is difficult to read through, but I still want to give an easy platform to ask further questions from.

Besides skills and past experiences, what else would you prioritise to place in a document that a sub can read?

[Deleted Member]

I would ask the one ended question “why?” subs worth their salt should be able to answer that question even topically. If the sub doesn’t know their “why” they should do some self-realization work before engaging with a Dom.

[Do****]

Feel free to have a look at what’s on my profile and see if it gives you any ideas. I would agree with Peony that always ask why a sub, how does it make them feel, what do they want to get out of it, what things have they done that they enjoy and what things would they like to try. Where are their hard lines. In asking those questions I usually get quite a lot of conversation and we get to know each other. Then they ask me questions too. The dialogue begins!

[Nocturne]

52 minutes ago, Peonycharm said:

I would ask the one ended question “why?” subs worth their salt should be able to answer that question even topically. If the sub doesn’t know their “why” they should do some self-realization work before engaging with a Dom.

My question was more so aimed towards what information I could compile about myself to make it easier for a sub to vet me; if they have access to something I've already written out they can ask further questions on what else there is but then there is a bit of a baseline for them to see.

Either way, that is a good addition given I can also add a bit about what my own why is!

Thank you for your contribution.

[Nocturne]

27 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Feel free to have a look at what’s on my profile and see if it gives you any ideas. I would agree with Peony that always ask why a sub, how does it make them feel, what do they want to get out of it, what things have they done that they enjoy and what things would they like to try. Where are their hard lines. In asking those questions I usually get quite a lot of conversation and we get to know each other. Then they ask me questions too. The dialogue begins!

Your profile gives wonderful insight into what kind of information I might want to make sure is upfront for any sub interested in engaging with me, thank you!

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Nocturne said:

My question was more so aimed towards what information I could compile about myself to make it easier for a sub to vet me; if they have access to something I've already written out they can ask further questions on what else there is but then there is a bit of a baseline for them to see.

Either way, that is a good addition given I can also add a bit about what my own why is!

Thank you for your contribution.

Got it! Sorry I misunderstood. I would also add what you are looking for in a D/s relationship. Do you want strictly Dom sub with no “love” feelings? Are you looking for a LTR? If so what does the perfect scenario look like to you (living together?). sub that is part of your whole life or just your kink life? Do you have other subs? Are you poly or mono? How often do you like to play and how often would you communicate with your sub? How much time do you have to dedicate to a D/s dynamic?

[MasterDarcy1979]

Nothing. Talk is cheap.

I'm sure Ted Bundy told his victims that he was a lovely guy as well as being a thorough gentleman.

Actions speak louder than words.

There are a multitude of things Doms do that be constituted as red flags, ranging from needlessly accelerating a dynamic to not listening and a lack if communication.

The easy way of showing a submissive that you aren't a bad Dominant is by showing them that you aren't.

[Nocturne]

10 hours ago, Peonycharm said:

Got it! Sorry I misunderstood. I would also add what you are looking for in a D/s relationship. Do you want strictly Dom sub with no “love” feelings? Are you looking for a LTR? If so what does the perfect scenario look like to you (living together?). sub that is part of your whole life or just your kink life? Do you have other subs? Are you poly or mono? How often do you like to play and how often would you communicate with your sub? How much time do you have to dedicate to a D/s dynamic?

Absolutely no problem, regardless of the misunderstanding your comment was enlightening, no harm no foul, I'm sure I also could have phrased my original post more clearly.

Those are some really great questions to consider, I'll take them into my notes for the document. Thank you for the insight!

[Nocturne]

2 hours ago, MasterDarcy1979 said:

Nothing. Talk is cheap.

I'm sure Ted Bundy told his victims that he was a lovely guy as well as being a thorough gentleman.

Actions speak louder than words.

There are a multitude of things Doms do that be constituted as red flags, ranging from needlessly accelerating a dynamic to not listening and a lack if communication.

The easy way of showing a submissive that you aren't a bad Dominant is by showing them that you aren't.

I do agree with the show don't tell mentality, both in literature and life, though I still do think that my document might be beneficial.

The reason why I returned to the concept is to have an overview for those who have assessed my behaviour and would like to have a summary to see about things that haven't come up in conversation, for example, I'm going through a vetting process now and doing my best to ensure nothing is rushed and that communication remains clear. They seem very satisfied with the information they have based on my behaviour, and I'm open to questions from them, but I'm also trying to see what questions might be useful for them to have answers to, given they might not think of every single useful question they could ask me.

I hope that that gives some more insight into my motivation when making the document, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[Deleted Member]

I feel like interaction is the only way to see if it’s a good fit. You can ask questions but people don’t always answer truthfully. What’s more, is sometimes we even convince ourselves we are something we aren’t. People are so complex, you need to spend time, emotion, effort, interaction to vet someone.

[Bee1969]

I just need to try both roles to find which I like the best. Would you be willing to help me with this nocturne??

[Th****]

2 hours ago, Bee1969 said:

I just need to try both roles to find which I like the best. Would you be willing to help me with this nocturne??

Don't forget, switching is a option too.

[Nocturne]

21 hours ago, DenverKitten said:

I feel like interaction is the only way to see if it’s a good fit. You can ask questions but people don’t always answer truthfully. What’s more, is sometimes we even convince ourselves we are something we aren’t. People are so complex, you need to spend time, emotion, effort, interaction to vet someone.

That's fair, I view my document as a jumping off point for there to be space for questions, but actions do often speak louder than words, I like to make use of both. Thank you for your addition! 

[Nocturne]

4 hours ago, Bee1969 said:

I just need to try both roles to find which I like the best. Would you be willing to help me with this nocturne??

I'm not sure what you are asking with this, do you need some advice with figuring out what you prefer? As ThaliaVirago said, switching is always an option, whether with the same person or varying people. Consider what you like about each role and the feelings they evoke and try things out, I'd say.