When does a Kink become Unhealthy?

[Bugg-3230]

For me, the most enjoyable thing about sex is pleasing to my husband.  It literally makes no difference if I don't even orgasm, as long as he's satisfied I'm satisfied (As long as the sex is still good, which it rarely isn't).

Recently we started playing games where I resist him and I have never been so turned on. When I'm not horny it makes me feel kind of ashamed. Being physically overpowered while I fight back has been the most enjoyable sex I've had in ages, but it feels so wrong.

When does stuff like this become unhealthy, is it okay to feel like this or should I try and go get professional help or something?

[ey****]

feeling ashamed can be natural at times - and sometimes there can be an added buzz of being turned on by the shame.   This is something that calms down when you accept this is normal, this is fine, this is OK.

sex and kink become unhealthy when it's a distraction to your life/responsibilities in any shape or form or if you're taking more risks for the buzz.  Otherwise... jobs a good un

[Vandalslut]

Hi, Bugg - one Aussie submissive girl to another. I really think that kink becomes unhealthy when 1. it's an urge that's against the law; 2. squashed down as 'not-normal'; and 3. Refer eyemblacksheep's answer (listen to this bloke, he gives very good advice)  Normal is a cycle on your washing machine, O.K?  If you and your husband are having a fine time with the overpowering and resisting game, then go for it.  Have a good browse around Fetish - it really covers all things kink - including safety - and all presented in a very sensible way.  Other people in this forum will share their experiences with you. The only minor stumbling block the Vandal and I had at the beginning was all the cases in the media at that time of ***-in-marriage; he got a bit nervy, I offered to give him something in writing (a contract, and long before Fifty Shades!) he decided he had nothing to worry about and we've been going for it ever since.  And having mind-buggeringly wonderful Master/Slave-slut sex with a very handy toy box.  You are definitely O.K. Accept that overpower/resist games are a turn-on for you and your husband.  None of your friends or family have to know, it's none of their business. If you are content to stay at this level, then be happy there.  If you want to step it up into, say, bedroom bondage or a Master/Submissive Bedroom relationship, talk to your husband and decide together.  It'd be a bit ***y boring if we were all the same.  Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

Hi Bugg... I also started out ashamed but how aroused I am by my husband essentially taking it. I love fighting back against him and it leads to super intense orgasms. Like Vandalslut mentioned, the only time I'm concerned with something going too far is if 1. It will break the law and 2. Either myself or my Partner are at risk of true bodily harm. Otherwise it's all fair game. I had to get societal norms out of my head and let myself truly open to whats beyond the media dictating who and what we should be aroused by. I went the majority of my adult life completely unfilled worried about "is this right? " "should I be doing this? " It wasn't until I met my husband and Master that I became truly liberated and fully discovered myself. Sometimes you just have to let go. If it feels good, let it, don't question it.

[Vandalslut]

Nice one, DaddysSophie.  Societal norms are seriously the pits. I might just mention here that neither of us felt shame at finding what we are. We must be lucky  Meeting one's Master and becoming his slave/slut is THE most liberating, blindingly joyous experience a submissive can have. Quite a contradiction in terms, but it does work out because then both of you aren't feeling that you have to pretend to be 'normal' or 'acceptable'  - 'normal' and 'acceptable' by whose standards, anyway? And equally so for the Master - it's a real freedom trip for him as well, finding out that he is a Master, wants to be a Master  - and CAN be a Master.  You do have to let go and let yourself feel good and enjoy the time you have. This isn't a dress rehearsal - this is life, and we were not meant to be miserable.

[xKittenx-1230]

This is known as one of the most common kinks for women. Even standard girlie magazines have been known to cover it. It's primal to want your man to take you and hot for him to conquer you. So yeah it's natural and psychological social conditioning makes it sounds bad because we all know nonconsentual sex is bad. But exagerated primal play is hot. The rule is safe, sane and consensual. So agree sober, have boundaries in place so as not to hurt one by accident either emotionally or physically, use safe words and have fun.

[Deleted Member]

Unhealthy when *** is into the equation. If you agreed about the consent non consent then fight as much as you can. Maybe involve some slapping too, it’s kind of hot. Of course if you like it 😊