Have I done the work?

[Deleted Member]

Have you done the work? I saw
these words on another profile
and thought, have I? The man
was uninteresting, but his words
rang in my head. Do I know myself?
I know that I'm strong, independent,
and I know that I'm stronger and
more independent when I'm afraid.
I know I yearn to hand the reins
to someone, but that I'm too scared
to fully do so. And I know why.
I know the reasons that I crave
being in control and being
controlled. I know what I'm looking
for, and why I haven't found it.
I know all the pieces that make up
my kintsugi puzzle, but the razor
sharp fragments are just that.
I understand what needs to be fixed,
but not what tools I need to fix it.
Have I done the work, or just
the research?

[Do****]

The work is continuous I ***, to polish and smooth the sharp edges. Thank you for the reminder.

[ar****]

It could be that you know yourself, and are well aware in terms of knowledge inside your head. But the "the work" would go beyond the theory, your head, and instead references putting it in practice.
Being there in the moment, mind, body and all, actually slipping in and out of control as you get to know the tools unbeknownst to you. Experiencing sensations firsthand, rather than in theory.

[Ki****]

I am new to this lifestyle and I am boring by reading a lot of things about it. I’ve had a couple of experiences with being spanked when was very good and I enjoyed it very much. The first one unfortunately was not so good. It was the first time I ever been spanked, and the guy used a cane on me. He caned my titties. and it was very ***ful. I tried my best to take it as much as I could and then finally I had to see my safe word which was supposed to be purple but he didn’t stop. I had to say stop please stop you’re hurting me and I started crying and that freaked him out when I told him I’m sorry this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this he was like no it’s not your experienced this I’m like no I’m not. This is the first time I ever experienced anything like this only been in Fetish.com about a month the first time I’ve ever been spanked is definitely the first time I’ve ever been caned that freak him out and he didn’t know what to think he kept saying he was sorry he hurt me. I told him not to worry about it. It was OK that I chose to let him do this and it was OK and then I was feeling better now, and it would be all right, I told him not to feel bad and he said I can’t help it. I feel horrible for hurting you. I told him but I wanted you to do it so don’t feel bad anyways he didn’t know how to do aftercare I don’t think because it was his first time too so it was too blind people eating each other. I learned the lesson there I will not allow anyone to do anything like that again unless they have at least 15 years experience no newbies for me. I want them to have the experience of self-control. They know how to hit certain spots that feel good in certain spots that don’t feel good. I didn’t know that till I was reading a book about it, I’m reading a book called pawn purpose. Very interesting. Anyways, good luck in your endeavor and I hope you get what you like and need as a masochist. A true masochist has to have *** to feel pleasure without the ***. They are miserable and unhappy and depressed. Once they have that session, they have a euphoric feeling, and the endorphins last four days sometimes, anyways I’m looking forward to having a one that I can live with and have a 24 hour a day a week lifestyle with and then that way I could get my spankings daily instead of monthly I’ve only had two spankings since then and they were with a person and they were done very well, and I enjoyed it very much I only wish I could do it again with him but I unfortunately he moved away from me and I’m not able to see him anymore. That was a very sad day for me. I’ve been looking for almost 2 years now for a Dom  with experience, he must have at least 15 years experience as being a dumb. I won’t accept anyone less than that well maybe 10 years but at least 10 years and he must be at least 40 years old because self-control does come with age and operating in certain gifts of self-control only come with age a young person knows nothing about it, and they care not to learn about it a very special young person I met does have that self-control so that doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t have self-control but age does help anyways if you’re reading this and you think I’m gonna message her because I might be just what she’s looking for then message me please this is like looking for a needle in a haystack

[ar****]

6 hours ago, Kimber469ing said:

I am new to this lifestyle and I am boring by reading a lot of things about it. I’ve had a couple of experiences with being spanked when was very good and I enjoyed it very much. The first one unfortunately was not so good. It was the first time I ever been spanked, and the guy used a cane on me. He caned my titties. and it was very ***ful. I tried my best to take it as much as I could and then finally I had to see my safe word which was supposed to be purple but he didn’t stop. I had to say stop please stop you’re hurting me and I started crying and that freaked him out when I told him I’m sorry this is the first time I’ve ever done anything like this he was like no it’s not your experienced this I’m like no I’m not. This is the first time I ever experienced anything like this only been in Fetish.com about a month the first time I’ve ever been spanked is definitely the first time I’ve ever been caned that freak him out and he didn’t know what to think he kept saying he was sorry he hurt me. I told him not to worry about it. It was OK that I chose to let him do this and it was OK and then I was feeling better now, and it would be all right, I told him not to feel bad and he said I can’t help it. I feel horrible for hurting you. I told him but I wanted you to do it so don’t feel bad anyways he didn’t know how to do aftercare I don’t think because it was his first time too so it was too blind people eating each other. I learned the lesson there I will not allow anyone to do anything like that again unless they have at least 15 years experience no newbies for me. I want them to have the experience of self-control. They know how to hit certain spots that feel good in certain spots that don’t feel good. I didn’t know that till I was reading a book about it, I’m reading a book called pawn purpose. Very interesting. Anyways, good luck in your endeavor and I hope you get what you like and need as a masochist. A true masochist has to have *** to feel pleasure without the ***. They are miserable and unhappy and depressed. Once they have that session, they have a euphoric feeling, and the endorphins last four days sometimes, anyways I’m looking forward to having a one that I can live with and have a 24 hour a day a week lifestyle with and then that way I could get my spankings daily instead of monthly I’ve only had two spankings since then and they were with a person and they were done very well, and I enjoyed it very much I only wish I could do it again with him but I unfortunately he moved away from me and I’m not able to see him anymore. That was a very sad day for me. I’ve been looking for almost 2 years now for a Dom  with experience, he must have at least 15 years experience as being a dumb. I won’t accept anyone less than that well maybe 10 years but at least 10 years and he must be at least 40 years old because self-control does come with age and operating in certain gifts of self-control only come with age a young person knows nothing about it, and they care not to learn about it a very special young person I met does have that self-control so that doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t have self-control but age does help anyways if you’re reading this and you think I’m gonna message her because I might be just what she’s looking for then message me please this is like looking for a needle in a haystack

Experienced or not, a safe word is a safe word. If you both already agreed on a safe word, and he still continued, that doesn't make him inexperienced. That makes him inconsiderate, egocentric and dangerous.
.
Experience doesn't really have to come with any set number of years. Respect and behavior, together with familiarity (experience) may require multiple/frequent sessions to build, but be careful not to mistake someone's age with experience.

[Ki****]

5 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

Experienced or not, a safe word is a safe word. If you both already agreed on a safe word, and he still continued, that doesn't make him inexperienced. That makes him inconsiderate, egocentric and dangerous.
.
Experience doesn't really have to come with any set number of years. Respect and behavior, together with familiarity (experience) may require multiple/frequent sessions to build, but be careful not to mistake someone's age with experience.

Thank you so very much for commenting. I appreciate all the help I can get. I’m very new at this I haven’t been in here. I’ve only been Fetish.com for just a little over a year almost 2, and i’ve never realized that I was a submissive, until after I operated as a dominant person for a while, and realized I was faking who I was, and it made me so unhappy. I had to finally drop the mistress off my name, and switch to being a submissive because that is what I truly am I am a 100% submissive lady and I am 100% masochist

[Ki****]

8 minutes ago, arnhem961 said:

Experienced or not, a safe word is a safe word. If you both already agreed on a safe word, and he still continued, that doesn't make him inexperienced. That makes him inconsiderate, egocentric and dangerous.
.
Experience doesn't really have to come with any set number of years. Respect and behavior, together with familiarity (experience) may require multiple/frequent sessions to build, but be careful not to mistake someone's age with experience.

I just got through looking at your profile. Unfortunately you have filters set up that I can’t comment on it. I did send you a gift. I hope you get it. I spent 100 points on that. I never do that. I usually save my points so I can upgrade, but I don’t know something made me send you a gift you look gift worthy I like your profile picture too it’s very sexy you’re very interesting. You have my curiosity arouse now you know they say about curiosity, a lot of pussies who died from it lol I have a very sick sense of humor. Sometimes I hope you can overlook that anyways I hope to get you better.

[Gh****]

Not to sound too arrogant, but, a.) the Work is never done, and b.) once i had “done the Work”? I knew.

[Gh****]

I recommend therapy and self help groups.

[Gh****]

And lots & lots of Self-guided education.

[Ki****]

I am in therapy. It doesn’t really help that much. I also read all kinds of self-guided education books. I’ve read everything I can get my hands on about BDSM since I got in here almost 2 years ago. I am very new to this, but I wanna learn more I’m about addicted to it so once I set my mind to something, I’m going to learn about it as much as I can with or without anyone’s help I will make my way one way or another so far I’ve not had very much luck getting too much help here at Fetish.com. Mostly guys just wanna see my pussy and tits. I’m about ready to stop showing them to people just for the fucking hell of it because why should they get rewarded for not giving me anything in return? That’s the way I look at it now I’ve got an attitude now I know what I’m looking for I know what I want, I just haven’t found it yet but that is not gonna stop me from looking or trying to find it and hopefully the right person will come along and appreciate me to then I’ll just keep saying next motherfucker next motherfucker lol just in case that self guided comment was towards meI wasn’t sure cause I went back and read the original post and I don’t think she needs self-help or therapy course. I think everyone should have therapy at at least twice in their life.

[Gh****]

If you need to talk to someone about non-sexual stuff, msg me. Happy to be of service. :)

[Ki****]

Thank you very much for that offer. I really appreciate it. I will definitely reach out to you if you don’t mind and of course I will keep it completely professional and on the up and up I do have class.

[Ri****]

2 hours ago, Kimber469ing said:

I am in therapy. It doesn’t really help that much. I also read all kinds of self-guided education books. I’ve read everything I can get my hands on about BDSM since I got in here almost 2 years ago. I am very new to this, but I wanna learn more I’m about addicted to it so once I set my mind to something, I’m going to learn about it as much as I can with or without anyone’s help I will make my way one way or another so far I’ve not had very much luck getting too much help here at Fetish.com. Mostly guys just wanna see my pussy and tits. I’m about ready to stop showing them to people just for the fucking hell of it because why should they get rewarded for not giving me anything in return? That’s the way I look at it now I’ve got an attitude now I know what I’m looking for I know what I want, I just haven’t found it yet but that is not gonna stop me from looking or trying to find it and hopefully the right person will come along and appreciate me to then I’ll just keep saying next motherfucker next motherfucker lol just in case that self guided comment was towards meI wasn’t sure cause I went back and read the original post and I don’t think she needs self-help or therapy course. I think everyone should have therapy at at least twice in their life.

I’m curious about the therapy you’re in. Is the professional you’re working with part of the BDSM community, or do they have prior experience working with community members? The dynamics of D/s and other kink relationships can be substantially different from traditional  interpersonal relationships. 

[Ki****]

Oh no she doesn’t know anything about this. I don’t trust her enough to talk about it to her to be honest with you. The only reason I went to therapy to begin with because I was so depressed. I had to do something my depression subsided a lot, but it kicked back up again Weeks ago
 my trust got broken by someone I really trusted and thought a lot of so it kind of sent me back so I had to start all over again looking I won’t give up

[Ri****]

I love the two lines you picked up from another profile, and expanded on them maintaining the meter/line length. Especially liked your reference to the Kintsugi puzzle of your life. So many people dismiss a persons past experiences as “baggage“ intended in a disparaging manner. I’m a longtime power exchange Dom. When starting with a new potential sub I let them know that I expect them to open their entire past to me overtime. I want to try to understand the difficult times they’ve been through to appreciate where they are today. Thank you for sharing.  If you’d like to chat a bit about the lifestyle (or other topics) I can usually hold up my end of an intelligent conversation. I am Rick.

[Ki****]

I took about a weeks break from chatting with anyone I went silent for a while. I was absolutely miserable the whole time I wanted to get back online and chat with you again I am so tired of looking by myself. I’ve been asking for help for over a year and this is the first time I’ve actually started to get itreally having communication with other people on this app. Thank you so much for commenting on my post. I appreciate it so very much. I am very grateful.

[Ki****]

2 hours ago, Riccar56 said:

I love the two lines you picked up from another profile, and expanded on them maintaining the meter/line length. Especially liked your reference to the Kintsugi puzzle of your life. So many people dismiss a persons past experiences as “baggage“ intended in a disparaging manner. I’m a longtime power exchange Dom. When starting with a new potential sub I let them know that I expect them to open their entire past to me overtime. I want to try to understand the difficult times they’ve been through to appreciate where they are today. Thank you for sharing.  If you’d like to chat a bit about the lifestyle (or other topics) I can usually hold up my end of an intelligent conversation. I am Rick.

It’s nice to meet you. I appreciate your comment and I will accept all the help. I can possibly get if you would like to private message me you must certainly may look forward to chatting with you. I love receiving help from different people it’s all different angles of the spectrum, so I’m not close minded I won’t treat you like a mushroom. I won’t keep you in the dark and feed your bullshit. I treat people the way I want to be treated that’s always been my life‘s motto. It was the way I was raised plus I feel better in my heart being honest with people finding Fetish.com help change me for the better. I was severely depressed when I first came in here I was actually considering killing myself, believe it or not, but App actually helps save my life that I went into therapy but the therapy hasn’t helped as much as the people in this app. Some of them are assholes right you you’ll have good apples and bad but I appreciate your comment so I look forward to chatting with you hopefully.

[Ri****]

15 hours ago, Kimber469ing said:

It’s nice to meet you. I appreciate your comment and I will accept all the help. I can possibly get if you would like to private message me you must certainly may look forward to chatting with you. I love receiving help from different people it’s all different angles of the spectrum, so I’m not close minded I won’t treat you like a mushroom. I won’t keep you in the dark and feed your bullshit. I treat people the way I want to be treated that’s always been my life‘s motto. It was the way I was raised plus I feel better in my heart being honest with people finding Fetish.com help change me for the better. I was severely depressed when I first came in here I was actually considering killing myself, believe it or not, but App actually helps save my life that I went into therapy but the therapy hasn’t helped as much as the people in this app. Some of them are assholes right you you’ll have good apples and bad but I appreciate your comment so I look forward to chatting with you hopefully.

I can’t DM you die to your filter settings. Message me first and I should be able to reply.

[Fe****]

As always, beautifully written. Doing the “work” is hard, requires dedication, and the mind set that you are getting down to business. Book smart gets you do far, but that action of doing something, increases your knowledge of the subject so much infinitely more. (I’m not trying to be as vague as my response appears)