What is vetting?

[DaDicktater]

Why is it important?
What are some of your vetting questions?

[Deleted Member]

Vetting is probably the most important and in alot of cases overlooked aspects of play because what it really boils down to is you establishing the guidelines boundaries and limits of your relationship, whether it be dom/sub, DD/Lg, S/M, rigger/bunny etc..... Whatever the dynamic is "vetting" is needed to establish the do's and dont's within that dynamic. And it doesn't have to be a stringent set of questions it can be as simple as a few conversations over message or a drink/dinner before you play, where you just discuss what you want to do with your sub and if there comfortable with that or need to be eased into it or if its a hard line no. Because at the end of the day in pretty much all fetish play the line between a wonderful fulfilling experiance and a horror show that could scar somone for life mentally or in many cases physically is extreamly thin and the negative can be avoided by just knowing your partner. So all in all I wouldn't say vetting is important it's essential for any successful play.

[typhoon2]

Most kinkster I know consider vetting to be the seeking of opinions and recommendations on other kinksters, usually potential play partners. To this end it's essential to be sure what information one desires to learn (Do they adhere to safewords and limits? Are they monogamous, as claimed? Have they really attended X events?) before asking former playmates, event organisers or whoever. It can sometimes be a bit clinical but for more edgy play or simply if someone is new or nervous vetting provides reassurances or rein***s gut instincts to refuse play.

[Mi****]

On 9/17/2019 at 10:49 PM, Mancasual96 said:

Vetting is probably the most important and in alot of cases overlooked aspects of play because what it really boils down to is you establishing the guidelines boundaries and limits of your relationship, whether it be dom/sub, DD/Lg, S/M, rigger/bunny etc..... Whatever the dynamic is "vetting" is needed to establish the do's and dont's within that dynamic. And it doesn't have to be a stringent set of questions it can be as simple as a few conversations over message or a drink/dinner before you play, where you just discuss what you want to do with your sub and if there comfortable with that or need to be eased into it or if its a hard line no. Because at the end of the day in pretty much all fetish play the line between a wonderful fulfilling experiance and a horror show that could scar somone for life mentally or in many cases physically is extreamly thin and the negative can be avoided by just knowing your partner. So all in all I wouldn't say vetting is important it's essential for any successful play.

To me this comes more under negotiation than vetting. As @typhoon2 says vetting is more usually getting other peoples opinions on another kinkster

[ey****]

why it's important

because sadly, not everyone (on and off line) is who they say they are or is as experienced as they say they are.  There are those who deliberately flirt with the lines of consent. There are those who play dangerously (deliberately or otherwise). And some, who are simply, scam artists.

I don't usually ask questions to vet someone.  There are people I've not met who I've built up a rapport with online - and I can be relatively confident they are who they say and that, ultimately, neither of us would put ourselves at risk if opportunity for a meeting did come up.

But also there are those I've contacted about doing things and sometimes this has been through watching them play, seeing what they post, seeing clips they're in, do they know what they're talking about.

 

[DaDicktater]

According to dictionary.com the definition is ” to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy, authenticity, validity”.  In the vetting process you do so much more than a quick run down to see if your kinks match.   You make sure you can trust this person with your life. Yet, so many times it’s just over looked as an unnecessary step.  

But when I started my BDSM journey it was common practice to vet people. With the explosion of social media and places where we can meet online and share ideas, one would think it would be easier to vet people. But that really doesn't seem to be the case today? In my opinion it’s the most important step in a relationship.

It’s important to realize you aren’t in a dynamic until you can both honestly say you can trust the other with your life. It’s ok to agree to be exclusive or even agree to be in a relationship of sorts, but not a dynamic. To enter a dynamic you need to know each other inside and out. You need to know everything you can about each other. Both the Dom/me and sub need to know they can trust the other with their life.