Is it cheating if I pay a professional without telling my partner?

[NachoNigre]

I'm still very new to this. But I am really trying to discover my submissive side that I wasn't aware of previously.

My partner is aware that I am a sub-male, but she is also very submissive. 

I feel tempted to see a professional dominatrix but I don't want to tell her because she may explore her submissive side with someone else. I am too insecure to have her do that.

Is it better to just leave things as they are? We love each other anyway and I am sexually satisfied for the most part. 

Thoughts?

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely it is. Anything you hide from your partner is cheating and very untrustworthy.
It’s also sad that you would agree for yourself to hide something like that but not be ok if she wanted to explore that herself.

[Am****]

Is it cheating depends on your code of conduct. Let’s say your wife payed a dominant guy to have fun, would she feel she cheated on u if you didn’t know. I’m super kinky but I strong feel each person should be held to the same standard.

[Goddess_Fifi]

Yes it is. If you haven't discussed it with your partner and you both haven't had a mutual agreement about this then it is cheating. So you want to explore your Submissive side but are insecure for her to do the same, that is a double standard.

To me the biggest component of a relationship is consideration and honesty, you must consider how your decisions and choices will affect the other person, if you aren't prepared to do that there is no point to a relationship, be honest about your desires because ultimately your desires may increase leading to feeling unfulfilled and resentment, also be honest about your insecurity with her.

[Ci****]

It doesn't really matter what people on here think.
What matters is what your partner will think, if and when she finds out.
You also need to consider if you can deal with the guilt of doing something that breachs your partner's trust.

[Ma****]

100% it is - anything you do with another person that hasn't been agreed with your partner in a relationship is cheating.
Be no different that if you partner had permission to explore with others and she broke a limit you had agreed to.
Every dynamic is different and your options are simple, get that idea out of your head and accept that you should feel bad for even having considered cheating on her - or same as above but then talk to her about this, it is up to her if she is willing to accept this in anyway including if she is willing to accept it as a one sided thing.
A good way of comparing cheating is to think of it like any other limit and if you don't understand that, then your partner needs to find a better person to be with and you need to grow as a person before finding another one.

[to****]

I’m in a similar situation I dominate my partner but I also set time aside to see my mistress my partner understands bc she knows she is not dominant at all but you have to do it in a way that doesn’t conflict with your time U have with her. As long as u can do it like that everybody gets what they want

[Ge****]

You’re asking because you know the answer is yes. Talk to your partner.

[su****]

If you’re in an open relationship it depends on the parameters that you’ve discussed with your partner to be allowed to play within determined boundaries. If you’re in a monogamous relationship then I would say it’s cheating.

Also, doesn’t matter if it’s a professional or not. Shared intimacy outside of boundaries of said relationship type is cheating in my mind.

I am in an open relationship and I have chose to only play with other women right now. I even wrote him a waiver for free use of pussy essentially giving my pussy to him for his use and enjoyment. So, since I made it a point to say I would not be having sex with other men right now then I would want to discuss this with my partner before playing out of bounds. That being said I think if discussed and in bounds then have fun 🤩 and be safe out there.

[Aylo_01]

16 minutes ago, suzywylde said:

If you’re in an open relationship it depends on the parameters that you’ve discussed with your partner to be allowed to play within determined boundaries. If you’re in a monogamous relationship then I would say it’s cheating.

Also, doesn’t matter if it’s a professional or not. Shared intimacy outside of boundaries of said relationship type is cheating in my mind.

I am in an open relationship and I have chose to only play with other women right now. I even wrote him a waiver for free use of pussy essentially giving my pussy to him for his use and enjoyment. So, since I made it a point to say I would not be having sex with other men right now then I would want to discuss this with my partner before playing out of bounds. That being said I think if discussed and in bounds then have fun 🤩 and be safe out there.

lucky guy😊

[Da****]

Yeah you gotta come clean buddy! That lie is gonna be like a weight around your neck. And worst of all you're never gonna enjoy whatever Simone brings to a session properly with it tied so tight.

Be honest! It's radical and hard but it's absolutely essential.

[CopperKnob]

Flip the question. If your partner paid a professional Dom and engaged in sexual activity with them without your knowledge, would you deem it cheating?
.
Personally, I would. It's particularly pertinent that you've indicated that you feel unable to have the conversation with them in case they take the same action that you're suggesting you want to take.
.
In which case, the first question is asked and answered.

[Da****]

12 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Flip the question. If your partner paid a professional Dom and engaged in sexual activity with them without your knowledge, would you deem it cheating?
.
Personally, I would. It's particularly pertinent that you've indicated that you feel unable to have the conversation with them in case they take the same action that you're suggesting you want to take.
.
In which case, the first question is asked and answered.

So so right. It's a no brainer. It just hurts to face the change that's needed. But without it - you've got nothing real anyway.

[Da****]

yes i would class that as cheating. whether your in an open relationship or not clear communication is key

[NachoNigre]

Thanks for the feedback!

My next action is to ask her if she feels the need to open the relationship to have someone more dominant since I don't always feel comfortable doing that. If she says yes, we can explore seeing other people to satisfy us in those ways. If she says no, then I will drop it completely. 

I am aware of the double standard but I have to be fair regardless of my fragile ego. 

[Da****]

2 minutes ago, NachoNigre said:

Thanks for the feedback!

My next action is to ask her if she feels the need to open the relationship to have someone more dominant since I don't always feel comfortable doing that. If she says yes, we can explore seeing other people to satisfy us in those ways. If she says no, then I will drop it completely. 

I am aware of the double standard but I have to be fair regardless of my fragile ego. 

Actually a massive statement. Well done. If you wanna talk through stuff or check in, gimme a shout!

[Mi****]

3 hours ago, NachoNigre said:

Thanks for the feedback!

My next action is to ask her if she feels the need to open the relationship to have someone more dominant since I don't always feel comfortable doing that. If she says yes, we can explore seeing other people to satisfy us in those ways. If she says no, then I will drop it completely. 

I am aware of the double standard but I have to be fair regardless of my fragile ego. 

I would suggest talking to her about both of your needs and desires and approach the conversation with curiosity, an open mind and see if the two of you together can figure out some next steps.
For what it’s worth, a professional of any gender is unlikely to perform sex acts. (At least in the U.S.) If that’s what you’re looking to experience, a professional dominatrix is not going to meet that desire for you.
As for opening the marriage, take it slow, do lots of education, and make sure the communication between you and your partner is extremely healthy before going any farther.

[Vu****]

I'm confused. Why not see one together?

[Mi****]

1 hour ago, VuudoMan said:

I'm confused. Why not see one together?

This is a great suggestion

[BigsimonH]

How you have to look at it is, would you be ok with it if she did it

[ey****]

that you're not going to tell her is a sign you know it's not ok within the context of your relationship

that's it. that's the answer

So, like - ask her...