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Hello, I'm new here..... Been trying to work out a few things in my new relationship and I really don't have anyone to discuss things with so this place seemed like a good start. I'll try and keep it short (might fail!)

I'm new to the scene but I have been intrigued for some time and recently met someone who a) I quite fancied and b) who has been into the scene for quite some time. 

We get on well, have lots in common, able to communicate really well and we've been experimenting with some things. He identifies as a sub, and I'm naturally more dominant but obviously, I do feel like I'm going in blind with some things, we've talked at length about different things we'd like to explore. I've read forums, online stuff, got book recommendations etc.  I'm really keen to get on board and explore this side of me. 

There's a particular aspect I just don't think I'm ready to get on board with - (and perhaps I never will) and its quite a big thing for him (***). 

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate through this?  I feel like a fish out of water and it has me feeling like it has the potential to completely derail everything as it's unnecessary pressure in a fairly new relationship. 

Thanks for reading 


I suppose he wants you to do to him subs do normally . Sounds as if he’s got a pressurised job . If you can’t havk it move on .

as much as you might want to (or not) do everything to make things work - there are some things that just won't be for you for whatever reason.

Sometimes this can be an issue if it is a key part of their wants that's outside of yours.   

So, how to navigate it... explain that degredation probably isn't for you.  Then things are no surprises and see if the two of you are happy to play without it.  It might be a deal breaker, but doesn't have to be.  It might be he's ultimately happy enough without it - or one of potential solution is if most play can be done/explored together - is this potentially something he can do with someone else whilst remaining in the kinda relationship with you?


Hi there - thank you for your responses.  I am keen to explore this side of me and so far, this has really been the only stumbling block for us and it would be disappointing to think that we bin it all off due to one aspect. 

Admittedly, it's mostly down to me having never really done that before and I don't know whether I'll like it without trying it, ultimately I don't really know what I'm doing - but I'm trying to learn and understand. Thankfully our communication is excellent and he is patient and understanding. 

But you're right, perhaps that's a thing that I might not be able to get to grips with. 

I have considered the need for him to have that part of his needs met by someone else but obviously, that's something we'd have to discuss together and work out.  It's still very early days really.  I'm glad I joined here though - it seems like I will be able to learn a lot and get some great advice from others. 

Thank you.



absolutely :) I think as long as you're both aware as potential limitations you can work through it and round it - and - to be honest, I've got some big fetishes my wife really isn't into - but that's OK, I just don't do them with her. (I am fortunate enough to be able to do with others due to the nature of our relationship) 

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