How often does a Dom normally contact his sub?

[Deleted Member]

I have a new Dom but things aren't going as I  expected,  he contacts me once a week always in the afternoon to arrange a play session.  I expected more contact,  am I  just a Saturday sex session to a man whose masquerading as  a Dom?

[Deleted Member]

A good Dom should have plenty more contact, my old sub was contacted several times a day

[Deleted Member]

That's what I thought and expected 

[Deleted Member]

My first and only ever Submissive actually had to break up with me because we were in contact nearly 24/7, and it was affecting her education. We were romantic lovers, rather than just sexual, but the amount of contact someone gives you is often (not always) sign of how much they enjoy your company

[Susanxxx]

Seek a better Dom

[Deleted Member]

I've given him his marching orders 

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately there are lot of pretend doms out there just be careful 

[BeardedSi]

Well... what did you negotiate ?

[BeardedSi]

Because I get the feeling you didnt

[Ar****]

I'm glad you're secure and confident enough in your position to have got rid of him. Negotiating is not a necessary prerequisite for decency and respect. Always remember that you have the right to communication and knowing where you stand - but at the same time be aware that people aren't mind-readers, and if you don't express your concerns then anybody you are in a relationship with will be unable to react. You don't need to question your Dom as such, just to know in all honesty what you are to them.

[BigPolly]

Did you ask him why you were only being contacted once a week? Did you tell him you would’ve liked more contact? 
Maybe his work life was super-stressful. 

Communication is key in any relationship so if something is happening that you’re questioning then it needed to be talked about.

Maybe you were just a Saturday plaything, maybe that’s what he had in mind even if you didn’t but did you ask what he wanted from it all. 
Just because he only wanted to play one day a week that doesn’t mean he’s not genuine, not every D/s situation is a relationship.
If I have play partners that’s exactly what they are, I don’t want my play crossing over into my everyday life it’s a very separate thing for me.

[ey****]

contact is a little "how long is a piece of string" - but it should be pretty much mutually agreed/decided.

If you aren't getting enough contact then, fair, he may not be the Dominant for you.  But someone getting too much contact can feel invaded 

Ultimately relationships differ. I'm very clear with my situation and I've been messaging with a sub today and we're going to try to play more often but more often may well be every couple of *months* - but then we both have other people in our lives, don't exactly live round the corner, and are aware.

[Deleted Member]

I see that you’ve now broken off from the dynamic. My advice would be on going forward with any  new Dom you’ll meet in the future. Don’t rush in, take plenty of time communicating and seeing what you both expect from the dynamic . Take as long as it takes, talk about every aspect from hard limits to safe words to what you both want from the pairing. Some Dom’s won’t offer the time and communication that you feel you need. Others will have kinks that won’t be compatible to yours. So talk talk talk,  only when you find someone who matches what you expect from the dynamic should you take it further. As the trust builds and mutual respect is there then you can think about entering the dynamic. Taking the time to getting the basics in place is key to a successful dynamic. 

[Wo****]

Agree with what others have said..

Just because he only contacted you once a week to arrange play doesn't necessarily mean he is a "pretend Dom" there could be several reasons why it was lilke that. Has it always been like that? Did you want more? Was he free? Did you agree how much contact you'd have? Was it casual or a serious relationship?

Communication is vital. About what you both want, how involved you want to be/can be.

 

[yorkshirekink]

As posted in previous replies to your dilemma, communication is vital. Personally I think once a week is a poor effort on his part. Daily chat if possible is my choice. Doesn't have to be long drawn out chats daily but a few messages isn't hard.

[Bororob1963]

I think possible once a day contact is right . Dom needs to put more effort in

[Jay26]

Your Dom seems like a moron hon, your way to cute for that

[Deleted Member]

Please make sure to take some time to get to know your next dom better and dont forget to negotiate.

I wish you good luck for the next time.

[Rudge]

It more depends on what you both agreed on before you took him as your Dom.

[Deleted Member]

I agree with what every one has said on this thread. Biggie here is communication communication communication!!!!!!!!! 

Every new D/s relationship you must talk about things in the beginning what you want from that dynamic eg how much communication you need as a sub , your safe words, hard/soft limits, what you want from each other ect ect. Everyone is different of course and may not like the same or want the same as you, may not have the same kinks!!!! This is where you need to talk more and more. I can't stress enough how important this is and how many times I've seen D/s relationships not work and the main reason is there is no communication at all!!!!!!! 

 

I'm hoping you are taking all this advice on board and the next D/s dynamic you go in to will be one that is built on communication trust and respect!!!! 

[Deleted Member]

I'm thankful for all the helpful advice 🖤

[Deleted Member]

Unless these conditions were discussed and agreed on it sounds more like you have a fuckbuddy than a dom.As the rest have stated communication and clear conditions are key.

[Tara2323]

If you live with her you should be her sub every day.  but it can be difficult being subby 24/7 it takes work and effort but it's well worth it

[Annalou]

Hi Simplyme1965, it looks like you're getting a lot of love and support from fellow community members. Generally, the best port of call for advice on all things BDSM. You might also find the Fetish essential guide for better trust dynamics in BDSM domination useful too. Hope you find the answers you're looking for