Some people are happy to keep their submissive fantasy locked away in their head, but others can’t wait to get their freak on in real life. We give five ways to fulfil your kinkiest desires.

If you’re a sexual adventurer and you want to get it on in a BDSM relationship, how do you give your prospective Dom a shove in the right direction? At the start of a BDSM journey, neither of you and your Dom knows exactly what the other wants. Will this be a slave/master thing or is it going to be a psychological game between the two of you, with added benefits? But given a little guidance and plenty of inspiration, you’ll soon have them fulfilling your submissive fantasy.

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Sex talk

A sub and a Dom want the same thing, even though they are approaching it from a different perspective. This is the essence of BDSM. That’s why it’s crucial to have the sex talk. We all know that these moments can be hard to handle – unless you’re the kind of person who has no problem chatting about your naughties. But your lover can’t read your mind, so give them a head start with your words.

If you want a great BDSM session, but you worry that they’re holding back, or you’ve felt compelled to hold back on the sub routine – tell them. Choose your moment. Blurting out about your submissive fantasy in the supermarket is bad, but whispering it into your partner’s ear during foreplay to turn them on to your way of thinking is excellent.


Explain exactly what you want them to do

Even if you’ve already dropped a few hints about your submissive fantasy, and your sex life is moving in the right direction, you may still need to make a few points crystal clear. The ways people enjoy BDSM vary wildly, so if you’ve got visions of a torture chamber and your lover is still wondering if spanking would be too full-on, make them aware.

Try to relay precisely what kind of BDSM tricks you’d like done to you, when they should be done and where. Additionally, you could buy some sexy accessories like spanking paddles and small whips to turn things around. Demonstrating how to use them in a private master and servant show is likely to be a real winner.


Woman living out a submissive fantasy
Share your submissive fantasy with your partner.


Don’t dream it – be it

From crawling around on all fours to offering a sensual massage or acting out a role play scenario, you can drive a kinky Dom crazy with lust if you act the part. Additionally, you can try calling them master or mistress in or out of a BDSM environment. This is an effective way of creating and enforcing the roles you’ll both inhabit later during a kinky session.

Be vocal about your submissive fantasy

Talking dirty can intensify any sexually charged situation, but by saying openly: “I love it when you dominate me”, you’re starting a conversation that’s pretty appealing to a fetish fan. If they ask you how, then tell them, in detail. Aside from the fact that good conversation lies at the heart of all great BDSM sex, filthy talk, even during vanilla sex, can get someone primed for rougher bondage action.

Make sure they know you love it

Being a Dom isn’t always easy. People can feel a pressure to perform that quickly puts them off their moves, and that’s no fun for anyone.  So how can a good sub make sure they get what they want? Not many people want to be disrespectful or hurtful towards their partner in real life.

A healthy attitude towards one another is vital, but when a lot of your sex play involves BDSM, it can seem unbalanced. A sub gives away power and control rather than having it snatched from them. They do it out of choice and with consent because it turns them on, and they love how it feels. If your partner is in any doubt, explain that then put the whip in their hand and beg for a spanking. This is guaranteed to fulfil your submissive fantasy.

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Do you have a secret submissive fantasy? Have experience of acting one out with your partner? Share all in the forum.

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