Female Domme vs Mistress

[Cucky45015]

Someone brought this up yesterday and I'm clueless. Females I've met like me addressing them as Mistress. Someone said a Female Domme might get upset with that term. I'm clueless, what's that about? What the difference?

[Th****]

A Mistress, Goddess, Queen, MommyDomme  and FemDaddy are all Dommes or Dominant women but not all Dominant women are Mistresses. So when referring to Dom women in general it's best to use a more general term. 

[Deleted Member]

It’s best to ask how to properly address her in the beginning of the conversation imo. It will usually gain you some points in decorum.

[Cucky45015]

3 minutes ago, gypsygirl1219 said:

It’s best to ask how to properly address her in the beginning of the conversation imo. It will usually gain you some points in decorum.

I always have

[LadyV]

Best to just ask individual people how they prefer to be addressed. Everyone is different. 

 

Like in my case, I hate the bastardized conjunction of "Dominant" and "femme" that is "Domme." Hate it. Hate everything to do with the unnecessary gendering and othering of dominance as it comes from a woman. 

 

"Dom" is the abbreviation of "Dominant." 

"Dominant" is a gender neutral title. 

"Dom" is gender neutral. 

 

I use "Dom" or "Dominant." 

 

See what I mean? Just ask the individual if they don't already have it specified on their profile. 

[ey****]

So, I guess in basic terms.

Some people like to be addressed differently. And some of that can be on their own preferences, and some can also be linked to rapport.

I guess to flip it - if someone comes into your inbox and is "Hey, sissy, cuck, loser, slut - you will call me Goddess" - then one, you might not be into any of those terms you've just been addressed by - and two, well, she may wish to be called Goddess, but as of yet she's not your Goddess.

[Du****]

14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, I guess in basic terms.

Some people like to be addressed differently. And some of that can be on their own preferences, and some can also be linked to rapport.

I guess to flip it - if someone comes into your inbox and is "Hey, sissy, cuck, loser, slut - you will call me Goddess" - then one, you might not be into any of those terms you've just been addressed by - and two, well, she may wish to be called Goddess, but as of yet she's not your Goddess.

Exactly this. Anyone who slides into my DMs with “Hi Mistress” is going to be politely but firmly corrected, because I am not their Mistress. “Hi Mommy” is just roundly ignored: I would never allow such a delicate dynamic from a random stranger, and I’m extremely selective about allowing it at all. Of course, this is only my personal preference - others may feel differently. But that is precisely why one should ask first.

[Ju****]

I think what they perhaps mean is, you don't call anyone "mistress" unless in a dynamic with them. You especially don't call female dommes, in general, "mistress". It's all about the dynamic, respect and consent. And anyone who's a true domme will not demand you call then mistress, unless you've met and establish a dynamic.

Edited May 29, 2024 by Jeneral_Whore
I hate saying true dom/me but I mean who's serious about the lifestyle.

[Ju****]

Ps. Absolutely no way would anyone who claims to be dominant within the lifestyle, could *** me to call them by any honorific. Not unless I was in a dynamic. So call me sir, mistress, goddess, daddy, whatever. Nah. If I'm not in a dynamic with you, you're just Joe bloggs, my equal. I owe no one anyone honorific, no matter what they practise in this lifestyle. Consent.

[Ar****]

Earl Grey is a tea, but not all teas are Earl Grey.

Xbox is a games console, but not all consoles are Xbox.

Basketball is a sport, but not all sports are basketball.

A Mistress is a Domme, but not all Dommes are Mistresses.

[Al****]

😄

[kimutu72]

I think what was said is that alot of guys send a message with the word "Mistress" for someone to address a domme that way without getting to know them or speaking before comes across that they know that person, when ever I talk to anyone I prefer my vanilla name until we decide that we will build a relationship. Its like addressing them as thier domme on the persumption that they are in a relationship if that makes sense

[Cucky45015]

7 minutes ago, kimutu72 said:

I think what was said is that alot of guys send a message with the word "Mistress" for someone to address a domme that way without getting to know them or speaking before comes across that they know that person, when ever I talk to anyone I prefer my vanilla name until we decide that we will build a relationship. Its like addressing them as thier domme on the persumption that they are in a relationship if that makes sense

I really don't understand any of this. I've asked how they wanted to be addressed. So I don't get why someone came at me like I'm some how doing something wrong. People get bent out of shape way to freaking easy

[Du****]

2 minutes ago, Cucky45015 said:

I really don't understand any of this. I've asked how they wanted to be addressed. So I don't get why someone came at me like I'm some how doing something wrong. People get bent out of shape way to freaking easy

I really don’t think anyone is attacking you. The general consensus seems to be that it’s best to ask how the recipient prefers to be addressed, and not to use honorifics without permission. Which is good advice.

[kimutu72]

17 minutes ago, Cucky45015 said:

I really don't understand any of this. I've asked how they wanted to be addressed. So I don't get why someone came at me like I'm some how doing something wrong. People get bent out of shape way to freaking easy

I wasnt "coming at you" I remember seeing a post where someone commented about it, I also said from my experiance thats "what alot of guys do" 

[Cucky45015]

24 minutes ago, kimutu72 said:

I wasnt "coming at you" I remember seeing a post where someone commented about it, I also said from my experiance thats "what alot of guys do" 

I didn't mean you. Just commenting

[Cucky45015]

41 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

I really don’t think anyone is attacking you. The general consensus seems to be that it’s best to ask how the recipient prefers to be addressed, and not to use honorifics without permission. Which is good advice.

This started from another post

[Ju****]

25 minutes ago, kimutu72 said:

I wasnt "coming at you" I remember seeing a post where someone commented about it, I also said from my experiance thats "what alot of guys do" 

Read what he said again. He said 'someone' came at me, he was explaining his situation, not addressing you to that remark  x

[Ju****]

1 minute ago, Cucky45015 said:

This started from another post

As I said

Not everyone likes to be called a mistress, especially by someone they don't know.

On this platform many men enter women's inboxes and throw the word mistress about. 

Even if they aren't even dominant. And anyone who is, and serious on this lifestyle knows its a red flag straight away. 

You may be courteous in public and say sir or ma'am at a restaurant or whatever, but online every word is read literally.

Anyone serious on the lifestyle will not push honorific on someone without a dynamic. And therefore, people shouldn't push the title onto a woman they're chatting to for the first time. 

Connection and consent is everything. 

So while ladies you've chatted to haven't minded the mistress title, it could be a huge no no for others. Especially if you don't know them. 

Anyway don't let anyone tell you what to address anyone else by. Learn this your self via communication and chat with someone you're getting to know and they'll tell you the preferred, once you're at that stage. 

Someone saying call me ' xyz ' right away, I'd personally avoid  

[kimutu72]

4 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Read what he said again. He said 'someone' came at me, he was explaining his situation, not addressing you to that remark  x

but also quoted what I said, I just didn want him to think I was having ago

[Ju****]

Just now, kimutu72 said:

but also quoted what I said, I just didn want him to think I was having ago

Yeh someone else above you also thought he meant someone here. 

It's so hard to read tone online sometimes lol

[kimutu72]

1 minute ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

Yeh someone else above you also thought he meant someone here. 

It's so hard to read tone online sometimes lol

oh tell me about it, thats the problem with messaging aswel can be taken all sorts of ways lol, hopefully he will get the answers 

[Cucky45015]

18 minutes ago, kimutu72 said:

oh tell me about it, thats the problem with messaging aswel can be taken all sorts of ways lol, hopefully he will get the answers 

I was just trying to figure out what I did was wrong somehow but the women I addressed as Mistress I asked so concensus has been that's what I was supposed to do.

[kimutu72]

15 minutes ago, Cucky45015 said:

I was just trying to figure out what I did was wrong somehow but the women I addressed as Mistress I asked so concensus has been that's what I was supposed to do.

some people are more 'touchy' than others I guess I can only say from what I prefer, but we are all different, do hope you find the answers you want tho

[ey****]

I guess something to add to the confusion a bit

A lot (but not all, for reasons I'll come to) of Pro Dommes do ask that you address them as Mistress in first contact (the ones who do not, is usually because they have another honorific, which they will also ask you to use)

the reason for this is largely down to the nature of the dynamic that there does need to often be quick decisions made on, well, it's a booking - and on whether to accept it - and there's a lot looked at - but that you understand what the session is (and isn't) while also if it's an ask on a website or something, it's a sign you can follow instructions and direction which can often be really important in a play session - considering you won't initially know each other.

Some of this has overspilled a bit into some of the online side (even if not everyone understands the why) 

On the flip, most people on a life style side would prefer you not use a title, as it's an assumption of a dynamic.