Connections

[Wo****]

I have come to chat to, and get to know a few members here. Some i've met, and i feel really, really lucky to have made some real friends here. Weird really, friendships arising from words on a screen, but through that screen we can convey so much.

I love this way of communicating, i love how i can type my thoughts and that maybe they'll resonate with some. A connection.

I want to reach out to people, i got told once that i would never fit in... i needed to get real. I absolutely refuse to stop being me.

All my life i have yearned to be free, now finally i am, and i am finding my wings.

There are so many people, from here, that have helped me soar.

I want to write, need to write. I have to type my thoughts. I just need inspiration.

[Deleted Member]

Many of us go through the same journey,one of discovery and a new found identity.

[Deleted Member]

I identify with this. My purpose is to make space to reflect, share and hopefully inspire. I'm embarking on my most excellent art adventure and thrilled to welcome people of all kinds to share my journey. Fly high like the swift you are.

[Wo****]

Writing helps me process things i think. Maybe because i never really talked to anyone when i was a kid, i wrote it all down. I've always sprawled my thoughts on paper, even now i still love pen and paper.

It kept me going through my dark spells, gave me hope when i was married and gave voice to my feelings. 

I find, often, that i can write things that i can't actually say and on a couple of occasions that's enabled me to open up about some personal stuff. I've survived ***, domestic ***, depression, miscarraiges and the end of a 25 year relationship because of it.

 

 

 

[Wo****]

You know those souls that are always on the fringes? The ones who sit in the corner of a cafe, with a book. That's me. 

I would genuinely rather walk down the street naked than start a conversation. I can ramble on for hours if I write it down but verbalising it all? Noooooo.

I love how you can be drawn to someone on here by what they write, how something sparks. It can lead to all sorts of places and surprises.

It always gives me tingles when you first discover a connection with someone, and I've been floored by some of them. 

[Wo****]

Post deleted

Edited November 28, 2019 by LazyPiratesBounty

[Deleted Member]

Of course you will fit in. We are all different. I am very quiet and notvthe best at face to face chatting.

[Wo****]

It took me a long time to get where i am. I was desperately insecure with absolutely no self esteem. I believed i was ugly, fat, stupid and useless. I had a lot happen in a very short space of time. My dad got diadnosed with terminal cancer, we were estranged but managed to build a few bridges before he died. I split with my husband of nearly 25 years, had depression, pneumonia then broke my leg that needed surgery. Know what though? Although it was really, really tough for the first time ever i was free!

I ditched all the negative people in my life, listened to people that i liked, that i respected and realised that actually, people, good people, liked me.

I've been incredibly lucky to have found and made new friends through connecting with people here. 

 

[Vandalslut]

I'm right there with you, LazyPiratesBounty.  I didn't go through such horrors as you did and I salute you - you're here now, you're doing it, and it's wonderful. You're 100 times stronger than those who put you through that nightmare and double strong to ditch the negative people.   You're certainly free and I bet after you got rid of all those 'negative' people, you felt like you'd just put down a load of heavy shopping. l  was also told for years by men  that I was ugly and when anyone said different, I'd be suspicious and think they were playing a practical joke. So I went with the majority, as we do - I was ugly.  Rather than front my own self-esteem problems, I became the Agony Aunt - everyone with problems came to me; I'd walk with them, give them as much time as they wanted, any hour of the day or night; I was their best friend ever...and it always ended the same way - for reasons I never discovered, between sunset one day and sunrise the next, they'd drop me, always in a ***y nasty way, saying really ugly and untrue things about me - it was real Jekyll and Hyde time. And it hurt. Now I know that people and events come into our lives for a reason  -  to teach us or for us to teach them.  When that's done, they go out of our lives.  Sometimes they're with us for years; other times it's a chance remark made by a stranger in a checkout queue who we'll never see again.   We may never know what the lesson was, or it may take us some time to 'get it'.  And rest assured, if we don't get it, the same 'types' keep turning up! (Or - same s**t, different name...)What did I learn from the above erroneous belief? 1. It's not my job to 'fix' people.  They have to do that themselves. Be there - and be aware of when to not be there. 2.  Ugliness has nothing to do with looks. 3.  There's no room for 'positive' until you clean out the 'negative'. 4.  I'm not ugly.   I had a different beauty to what was 'fashionable'.  Blessings and best, LazyPiratesBounty.  I always enjoy reading your posts.  Keep writing!  

[Deleted Member]

Lazypirates, glad to here you did the right thing. Listened to Good friends. Did the right thing. Sounds like you know where your going with life. X

[Deleted Member]

Worthless Respect 

 

I’m completely worthless

And nothing you say will convince me that

I am very desirable

Because ultimately

There’s nothing good about me

And I won’t fool myself that

I’m actually nice on the inside

I will remind myself daily that

I’m a horrible, useless person

And don’t you dare say that

I deserve to be respected

Because despite everything 

I am not worthy of honour

And I can’t believe that

I must be valued by somebody

As when I see my reflection I think

Is it really so hopeless?
 

 

Now Bounty, Vandalslut, read it again, but start from the bottom and read it from bottom to top. Get it?

It’s so good that you’ve got to the places you’re at, after what have clearly been difficult journeys. I too salute your spirit!

[Vandalslut]

50 minutes ago, Fredddy said:

Worthless Respect 

Fredddy, you're a star!  I didn't have anywhere near as rough a trot as LazyPiratesBounty so I'm lucky.  We all have times in our life when we feel valueless and your writing is  so on the mark and uplifting, I'll be sharing it with a great many people.  Bless you and thank you - you've made my day.

v

[Wo****]

I'm crying 😊😊

 

@Vandalslut i would love to talk more to you... the agony aunt thing? I so relate to that! It was like i was reading about myself...

@Fredddy thank you x

 

 

[Wo****]

Some thoughts...

"Just throw some words at me until something makes sense"

Ok, I am finally, at nearly 50, where I had always yearned to be. Free. There have been a few people that have been instrumental in changing my life, not all of them had good intentions but I'd not change a thing.

As a kid I loved stories about Christ. I used to say I wanted to be just like him. I was bullied, left out and ostracized because I didn't fit in. I was small, loved learning, wore glasses, didn't follow the crowd. I wanted to be someone, I wanted to change the world. I still do.

A couple of years ago now, I got chatting to a guy, we spent the night chatting, about love, hope, music, fate, God...  he floored me halfway through by saying "this ain't no FB shit, you stopped me killing myself tonight. You're an angel" he contacted me a few months later thanking me, he'd gone to the doctors and was getting treated for depression and was on the up. He told me that I'd literally saved his life. For me, that's the most humbling, joyful, precious thing. To think I had that effect on someone. Not in a "Oh look how great I am" in a "Oh wow, I helped someone" way. How special is that?

 

I connect with "broken" people. One of my favourite quotes is "out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars" (Khalil Gibran) 

I wear my scars with pride 😊

[Deleted Member]

And so you should. The most amazing people in life, are humble. They are people you would hardly notice. And yet they do great things with no reward or recognition. They just know they did whst was right. Well done you. 

[Wo****]

Thank you 😊

It took me a while to figure out that I can love myself without becoming the big "I am"  it would break my heart if I came across as big headed.

I read a book about the lad who "paid it forward" and I am utterly convinced that even a small act of kindness can have a huge impact. That's the reward for me, knowing something I did, or said, had a positive effect.

[Vandalslut]

4 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

It took me a while to figure out that I can love myself without becoming the big "I am"  it would break my heart if I came across as big headed.

Of course you can!  So glad you found that out. Our age group was raised to believe that is was somehow egoist, narcissistic and very, very shockingly rude to love ourselves. There's a massive difference between the big 'I am'  of the malfunctioning ego and the 'I am' of the healthy and properly functioning ego. You gave that 'broken' man a few hours, unaware you were also giving him his life. What I've learnt, so far,  is there are people who are broken and like that man, you don't know it; then there's people who shout continually, "I'm broken - fix me!" The first you can help; the second type, you can't because they won't let you. They want to be broken.  'Tis true, the smallest acts - even just saying 'G'day' to someone and smiling can change a life, even if we never see the result.  I saw a film about paying it forward,  I think Helen Hunt was in it - it may have been based on the book you read - and it demonstrated the snowball effect of a small act of kindness.

 

5 hours ago, Wirralsteve510 said:

The most amazing people in life, are humble. They are people you would hardly notice. And yet they do great things with no reward or recognition. They just know they did what was right.

So true. Our dear mate Michael was just like that. He just pottered along through life,  loving, doing, often putting his hand in his pocket for people ( a lot of them were vampires and users). He didn't stand out in a crowd.  But when he smiled it was as if the sun had come out from behind the clouds.   When we chipped him for letting people con him,  he'd say, "Ah, feels like the right  thing." Sometimes he'd say, "Yeah, you were right, that was a vampire," - and then do the whole thing over again with the next one. He's been gone five years and we all still miss him like fury. He was saved from *** once - a man he'd met  at a party had come around unannounced to lend him a book they'd discussed and found him comatose after swallowing a load of sleeping pills. Later, he tried to find him through the party host to say "Thanks, mate," but no-one knew who the man was.  I don't think Michael was the way he was because of that man's actions, but that mystery man's random (?) act made massive differences in many peoples' lives and will go on making differences for a very long time.

[Wo****]

One of my "friends" that i cut out of my life was the latter type of broken. She didn't really want to be fixed. She used it as an excuse.

 

Energy vampires....

[Vandalslut]

You just said it!  Spot on, energy vampires indeed.

[Deleted Member]

I recently read Chris Hadfield’s book “An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth”. An eye opener indeed. He talks about aiming to be a zero: There are those in life who only take and never give or contribute anything to proceedings. They sap the energy for selfish gain. They are life’s “minus one” people. There are quite a few of those on this site!

Then there are the plus ones: These are the ones that contribute absolutely loads, but in a “look at me, look at me, aren’t I just great?” kind of way. They are attention seeking, brown tonguing, creeps that actually have no sincerity in their giving and are really only out for selfish gain.

The zeros in life are those that are just “there”, whatever the weather, whatever the situation, 
ready, willing and able to contribute whatever is needed, whenever it’s needed, without drama, attention seeking or selfish motive. The zeros are friendly but not creepy. They are generous but not shouty. They are truly motivated by noble intent, without ulterior motives. These are the folk you need as friends: dependable, reliable, selfless and worthy of your attentions and affections. These are the people that “pay it forward”, but they do so without ever thinking for one moment of any payback. They don’t keep account of owing or debts; they just give generously and take gratefully when they are given to. 
Chris Hadfield is an inspirational man and a great writer. Application of his musings would benefit many on this site who seem to think they are entitled to have their needs met by others. These people who think they are God’s gift to others. The ones who don’t consider that they need to invest effort too. I’ve always known that the most rewarding experiences in life, and certainly this relates to BDSM experiences too, are those that have been justly earned and paid for with investment of time, effort, emotional involvement and a genuine desire to firstly seek the pleasure of your partner over that of yourself. Give and you shall be given to in return.