I am a new Dom and I accept that

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Looking at your profile and realising that you also posted the OP re co-dependency, I'd suggest you stop interacting with anyone in a BDSM context until you actually know who you are and what it is you want from BDSM.

I think I will just keep learning, and maybe try to just see this as me trying to understand and not judge me??

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, WyldKatt said:

Glad you are posting and reflecting on the situation. Definitely something that should be applauded. There’s some good advice above to take into consideration, the only thing I’d suggest at this point is to really take a step back and figure out what it is that you want. Are you looking for a quick kinky fuck where you can just call someone a few names and call it a night or are you a Dom (in training) that is looking for a sub. If you are looking for a submissive, do you want someone that sends nude pics to random guys?

Just be honest with yourself with what you want, if you are looking for quick fixes you are likely to attract/come into contact with people that are different than if you are looking for a something/someone that takes more time or effort.

I don't really want to be a Dom that is like way intense. I like being dominant in the sense of a woman trusts me and wants me to make the decisions and if she reliqushes power I am not going to use it to do anything but love her and make her feel good. I guess the question keeps coming what do I want from BDSM and I know I don't want t what some of these guys want. I don't want full control and weird rules. I'm a guy who can go pull a women at a bar, but I have been asked and put into a place of a Dom by multiple women. Anyways thank you there has been a lot of dumb Men feed back I don't need. I don't trust many men. I know I am genuinely a safe man. I don't care what other men. Think about me . Honestly I wish I had just made this for women to respond to. Because I fuck better then all these weird men, I take care of my people I am with, and I don't need some weird rules and control.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you I dig this type of communication

[Deleted Member]

17 hours ago, chepguy97 said:

I would say well done for owning what’s happened, does sound like a bit of a fuck up your end but we’ve all been there and anyone who denies that is talking shite. I’m a Dom, less in training now but still learning. The best thing to do is as above, take a few steps back, try a little kindness and light flirtation? Don’t go straight to degrading with out consent, (consent is key!) and ensuring that they are into that kind of thing. Now, I mean after someone’s being bratty and pushing and pushing, it’s understandable. But take a slower approach my friend. Don’t jump the gun, I doubt you have any actual issues and I don’t actually feel it was cyber bullying, a big misunderstanding but 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.. she shouldn’t have pushed, and you shouldn’t have gone into degrading so quickly. Hope this is coming across as constructive and not negative 😬

@thank you I dig this type of communication

[Deleted Member]

22 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Looking at your profile and realising that you also posted the OP re co-dependency, I'd suggest you stop interacting with anyone in a BDSM context until you actually know who you are and what it is you want from BDSM.

You can not tell me what to do thanks. I didn't ask for your advice 😏

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, mskittymeowmeow said:

It seems like there is a lot of feedback from men. So I figured I’d put my two cents in as well. Coming from a woman’s perspective. Before anything else people are very complicated. There’s always some kind of trauma associated that you may or may not be aware of.

Based on your message, it seems like your intention was not to trigger anything traumatic in this young woman. So I must give you kudos for acknowledging that that wasn’t your intent.

Sometimes I feel that when I hear about Dom ‘s it is only the idea of them getting exactly what they want from a woman. And often times they forget that they are also responsible for that woman or person that they’re engaging with rather. This person is allowing you to experience them in capacities that you get to decide. You are allowed access to them to fulfill your fantasies. However, before that truly can be accomplished you do need to understand who that person is. Based on what you wrote that you got excited at the opportunity to fulfill some of your desires. Which there is nothing wrong with. However, in your excitement, you perhaps forgot to make sure that she was OK with that.

Also hearing it through someone’s voice versus just a text carries so much more power. It’s intimate and hearing strong words from someone you have not met yet to a woman can be intimidating. Based on her perspective you haven’t even earned the place to degrade her in such a manner.

I hope this was helpful to you. Just remember as the Dom you do indeed lead. However, being the leader means that you need to study your subject. Especially if you’re looking for something healthy.

I love this .. thank you so much. I understand . Any good book recommendations..or things to research ?

[AKA_Copper]

1 hour ago, vancouver887425 said:

You can not tell me what to do thanks. I didn't ask for your advice 😏

Actually, you did.
"So I guess I'm just looking for some feedback"
"Any feedback helps"

[Deleted Member]

Yah I guess I just didn't need yours

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, vancouver887425 said:

Yah I guess I just didn't need yours

Thing is a lot of what CK and others have said is spot on - so you'd do well to take on *all* advice and not just that which you want to hear or that you think fits what you want.
.
It's easy to take on board advice that strokes your ego, not so easy to take on board good advice that is a little more direct and tells you both you were wrong and what you could have done.
.
The key in all this is communication, and based off your OP it appears you missed that step in this instance - learn from that.

[Deleted Member]

Fair I agree

[Da****]

Bratting without consent is ***.

[MasterDarcy1979]

Ok. For me, personally, if I immediately went into Dominant mode with a complete stranger (Irrespective if she claimed that's she's this and that) I would be embarrassed of myself.

 

She is a human being with thoughts, emotions amd feelings. I don't care what she said or who she said she was, you were wrong to just jump into Dom mode and get into all the acts you'd do to her.

 

Next time, get to know her a wee bit more before jumping in with all guns blazing.

 

Ask her questions. Treat her with respect and win her trust.

 

[Deleted Member]

Love it man thank you

[MasterDarcy1979]

Just now, vancouver887425 said:

Love it man thank you

You're welcome.

It's nice that you're being receptive. There's strength in taking advice and admitting that you need it. 😀

Trust Is a massive pillar in this lifestyle. Even if you just want to role-play or cyber, etc. It's a thing that doesn't come easily. Trust has to be earned.

Best of luck. 😀

[Deleted Member]

Bro would you be into kinda mentoring me ? I can DM you about it

[MasterDarcy1979]

13 minutes ago, vancouver887425 said:

Bro would you be into kinda mentoring me ? I can DM you about it

Thanks for the offer. Genuinely.

 

I don't really have the time at the moment to mentor/PM.

 

I have dabbled in mentoring, coaching, etc, but only with female subs.

 

If things change I'll let you know. 😀

 

All I can tell you right now is to sit down. Relax. Think deep and hard about what kind of Dominant you want to be, what you have to offer, etc.

 

You should also read about experiences from Doms and subs, etc, as this lifestyle is a mon-stop learning curve.

 

Best of luck. 😀

[jonm1972]

I may be old school but communication is the key Sabine and myself have been together over 30 years and during that time we have evolved a few times. We both love the lifestyle and the way we are but it has taken years to get to where we are.

In my opinion (be it wrong or right) you need to get to know your partner inside out, you need to build a level of trust so deep that you know that if the safe word is used at any point  in play thing will stop there and then, but be able to discuss why.

Just my two cents worth. 

[It****]

Yup, leave it to the woman to complicate everything

[Ti****]

As a newer sub, I stop talking to Doms who say they want to face f* me on a first meet/session. I want to perform oral on a Dom (I do like to please hehehe). But I think for me the first time, I want to have control to show what I know so far/how useful I am. Then he can praise me for being good girl and guide me to things I need to work on (I’m not bratty sub though….. so I don’t know from that side).

Face F*ing for me is something I will be open to after. When I give up control to myself.

But each sub is different and have different timelines and things they do/don’t do.

[bosdom51]

you stepped forward too fast. Clarifying D/s details is crucial. Apologise if you have not done so already, and work out more boundaries next time.