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Cassie34

Admitting your darkest desires...

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Posted

What stops you....Finding and meeting your right partner....or coming to terms with what you really desire..!....it has taken me a long time....and in all honesty....I regret all those wasted years...!.. could of had one hell of a good time...if I had the courage to close my eyes and admit that Yes..!..this is what I really want...Has anyone one found it so difficult to really admit what they want and are looking for...!....Cassie..

Posted

Does any one have their perfect life style..?...What does it take to make you open up..?..Cassie

Posted

What stops most of us from finding the right partner and coming to terms with who we really are is more often than not the fear that many people have of being judged by others. In this way is often even harder for those who suffer from anxiety disorders, as this fear of being judged is like a form of suffocating social anxiety that can freeze them like a rabbit in the headlights when faced with any situation that make's them feel even slightly uncomfortable.

 

Anyone who tries to tell me that they are above fear, or have no fears at all need to be more honest with me and themselves. We all have fears, some have a fear of admitting they have fears and it's these types who usually try to claim they are above having or feeling fear. 

 

The key thing is about fear that we can all cultivate the will and ability to overcome fear and not allow it to control us or our lives and how we live them. It's not an easy process and takes constant efforts and willpower to overcome your fears, but each time you overcome one small fear, it makes you stronger and better able to overcome the bigger or larger fears you have. Someone who is brave can face their fears, but someone who has true courage has the ability to overcome their fears. To really do this fully we often need help to find the strength to face our fears and work to overcome them and this often only happens when we meet people or come across friends who accept us and love us for who we are and what we want to be.

 

It's this acceptance of who we are as people and what our desires are that many in the BDSM community find so freeing about opening up and sharing ourselves with others withing this community. That is the goal of any good D/s relationship in allowing each other the time, space, care and judgment free atmosphere in which both the Sub and Dom can be free to be themselves,; be accepted for being themselves and being cherished and worshiped for who they are and what they do and what they need. 

 

Societal conditioning and programming teaches us that any deviation form the norms of so called acceptable behaviors means we are not normal, weird or freaks or somehow bad or negative people and yet there really is no such thing as normal. It's that programming and conditioning that often makes us fearful of being seen as being different from the crowd and not just being like all the other Sheeple in the flock and often acts like a straitjacket keeping us form being free and being who we truly are. The word "Normal", is just a flaccid construct of wordsmith's who like to use those kind of words to judge, classify and make sweeping generalisations about whole sections of society and say's far more about them as people than it does about the people they talk about or describe using those words.  

Posted

Are you a Psychologist or similar..?....A really good...well...great reply....you seem to have such un understanding of questions...posts raised...!....Nice to have your comments...Cassie

Posted

Thank you for the compliment Cassie34. Whilst I will not reveal my profession publicly on the forum; suffice to say I have studied psychology for some time and continue to do so as it is a subject that fascinates me as do people and all the many ways we work. I am an empathetic soul and this often helps me to understand others and the questions or difficulties they may face, so your welcome for the comments.

Posted

I thought so...I hope you will reply to any other post I make....You have a really good understanding. and a great way of replying..!...Take care...Cassie....Whether you are looking for that special relationship...I do not know...but I hope you find it...!.....Cassie...I wish you were a Female...!...meant as a compliment...!

PatientTraveller
Posted

Not sure if it's relevant, but I guess I have always taken an interest in anything that is different from the norm or where a struggle exists.

I think this is down to a uncle who was gay and was deeply ashamed of his interests in other men. He was part of a generation, where such interests where not socially acceptable and unfortunately he lived alone all his life, by choice or to conform, I don't fully know......I missed the opportunity to talk with him about his feelings or thoughts. 

Later, I worked with a colleague and friend...one day he announced that he was getting a sex change.......It was a shock to my system, I'd knew there was something different, but I'll be honest..I didn't know what....it was something in the way that he worked (yes, worked. and I have learned to appreciate and practice his style), in fairness I say different, but what that was I had no clear idea until his announcement . 

Some accepted his choice and other didn't. I'll always remember I loved the conversation we had afterwards, not about kink, not about fetish or anything BDSM related. I loved how he'd thought deeply about his choice and shared his feeling.

I'll love him still for helping me to realise my own identity and how I wanted to live my life.

Is it fear or is it judgement, I am not sure.....I do wonder if we're are more scared of losing social connections. There is an odd ball social writer, Tim Ferris and he did a pod cast and blog on fear setting.....it is more to do with worst possible outcomes and how realising the value or loss of value from these outcomes and breaking free from standard thoughts that socially conditioned.

Basically, most of us have comments whispered, silent judgements and we loss some friends. If you see it from a perspective of what is left and what we have, is true people in our lives that add or contribute. We develop a sort of wisdom that we are living our lives and even the whispers and judgements pass, get less or disappear.

Change is the only thing that is normal, nothing stays the same. 

On a personal note, I've always had a soft spot for cross-dressers and trans-sexuals. For me they have struggled internally with something I'll never understand, but I feel they have taken a deeper path to embracing change.

I allows enjoy chatting with cross-dressers and trans-sexuals, they have a freedom and passion (I am jealous), maybe as they have taken a path is not as direct to reach their destination. Time may have felt like its being wasted...time isn't wasted, you arrive at the right time and anything that has value to you is worth the unique journey.

 

 

 

 

Posted

I think the points about society and fear are very valid ones, people in general are so scared of the judgement of others, getting past that is really difficult but I know from my own experience that when you do say 'fuck it' to what people think and just get on with what you want/need to do for the first time, it gets easier and easier to do over time. 

The other side of the coin I think is that people often aren't sure exactly what they want. It's a constant process of discovery and it can take a lot of trial and error to find out what you do and don't want. 

Posted
21 hours ago, VictoriaBlisse said:

I think the points about society and fear are very valid ones, people in general are so scared of the judgement of others, getting past that is really difficult but I know from my own experience that when you do say 'fuck it' to what people think and just get on with what you want/need to do for the first time, it gets easier and easier to do over time. 

The other side of the coin I think is that people often aren't sure exactly what they want. It's a constant process of discovery and it can take a lot of trial and error to find out what you do and don't want. 

Well said Victoria. For many who have what most vanilla's would call kinky desires, fantasies or interests it is even more difficult to come out before you know what your really coming our as/for. It's one thing to have kinky desires and fantasies, another to try and test them out and yet another thing completely to make the decision that you don't want to live you life without enjoying and experiencing the kinkier side to life.

 

It can also be very tough for people when those kinks and desires aren't easily categorised, such as being a Dom, Sub, Little, Slave, Crossdresser etc, as we have in the more BDSM side of the kink world. It's a pretty tough sell to try and explain that you may have a just have a kink for foreskin play, using medical themed equipment or having random objects inserted into your anus. There is also an argument to be made for just how much friends and family should know about the more private or intimate areas of your life. Does a son really need to tell his mother the about the sadistic flogging and abuse that he enjoys dishing out in the bedroom or a daughter telling her father that she enjoys faux rape and torture scenes when horny? How far does being open or honest about who you are and what you do need to go in your life. This questions haunts many people in the kink world and I'm sure many of us have made the odd mistake of telling someone close to us about our kinks or fetishes and witnessed such a strong or adverse reaction that it changes the nature of your relationship or in some cases can end them. I think sometimes (and this is just speaking from my own experiences) there can be such a thing as too much honesty and being so overly liberal that you end up shoving things down people's throats when they have no interest in hearing about it; especially with some people who are either not ready or not interested in hearing about your every intimate kink and fetish. It's at these times that it behooves us to practice external consideration for others and remember that not every needs to know every minutia of our intimate or private lives.


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