Hard Limits, Triggers & SSC

[Vandalslut]

10 hours ago, LazyPirate said:

I take serious issue with anyone claiming to be an expert in anything to do with kink. There is high level of experience that people can absolutely have but to use the word of expert suggests a blasé attitude towards the potential risks involved.

So would I. But Fredddy is quite right, no matter WHAT you type into Google - and that's absolutely anything - there will be pages and pages of references, some of which will be accurate and informed, some of which will be wildly hilarious in their inaccuracy.  In the world of kink/BDSM there are people with experience and people who claim to be experts.  It's certainly NOT the same thing.  The world of Kink and BDSM is like the Internet - ever expanding and endless, so no-one could really claim to be an 'expert'.  A Dom may be terrific at breathe play - and after 20 years, something can still go fatally wrong because the sub/slave DOES have a medical condition they've chosen not to mention because they think it isn't relevant to the proposed play or they may be unaware of it.  It's like the driver who chooses to drive while drunk - he may get away with it for years, until the day he kills an innocent pedestrian. Risk Aware Consensual Kink is an excellent mantra, but through over-use, it can become white noise. Kinksters need to be 'in the moment' with RACK, not just reel it off like a compulsory prayer. Kinksters need to be REALLY Risk Aware of all aspects of their fantasies, and if that involves doing research through reputable, informed medical sites. Might be boring, but it's better to be a LITTLE bit bored and a LOT aware of all risks involved than being VERY dead. Cheers, Fredddy, thanks for this information.   There is a heart condition in my family line, I don't seem to have inherited it - I had to go for regular echo-cardiograms during chemo and chemo alone could've been enough to do me in if I had any heart dis-eases  - but I'd rather not find out the hard way...I'd prefer to be above ground and carry on kinking..

Edited January 17, 2020 by Vandalslut

[Deleted Member]

As always, VS, a measured and proportionate, well put comment! Thank you. I think that you and Pirate are absolutely correct: there are many people that consider themselves experts, and indeed they may be experts compared to those with very little or no knowledge or experience at all. But as with everything, it’s all relative, isn’t it?

I am currently carrying out a lot of electrical work at a hotel near to where I live. As far as everybody else in the hotel is concerned, I am an expert in electrical work and I am called upon regularly to sort out all manner of crises that occur on a seemingly daily basis! However, there are areas of the electrical installation in this large building that I look at and go “whoa!, this is way above my level of expertise and understanding!” In such cases, where there is a problem that requires me to work upon it, I will always seek the assistance of somebody with more experience and knowledge in that particular field.

 

In such cases, where there is a problem that requires me to work upon it, I will always seek the assistance of somebody with more experience and knowledge in that particular field.

 

I think the same should apply to us with our kinky play. It’s always better to play with someone who is more experienced in the particular field that you are exploring, at the level that you are exploring it. I would feel very comfortable in introducing someone to basic aspects of rope work and bondage for example, but I would not feel comfortable carrying out a full shibari with suspension session on someone, without taking guidance and direction from someone far more experience than myself. It’s all relative.

[ey****]

I've only been dipping in and out of this conversation.  But, I'd definitely be wary in kink by someone who says/implies they know it all.  I guess to a degree, the more you know on any particular aspect the more you know the risks but then also know that there's stuff you can do to mitigate the risks but that a lot is never truly safe.

Sometimes I hate writing stuff like this because I either sound like a kill joy (everything you love is dangerous) or edgy (I like doing play I know is dangerous) - but I think because of this there's different risks different people are willing to take - which is fine - and that it's also important to help keep people informed of the risks.

[Deleted Member]

I guess Doms have hard limits too, unless they are into everything (legal of course). 

for me *** is a no go or age regression child play. But then again no subs so far suggested to me 

I am very cautious and meticulous when I am doing high risk sessions with knives, breath play, ropes, anal hooks, so its a second nature to me. 

eyem I am with you on that one, its not kill joy, its a reminder that you have someone who trust you with her/his life, so make sure you are in control and stay focused while you are also enjoying yourself, and that is coming from experience. 

[Deleted Member]

as for triggers I can really urge subs to talk about it as soon as you feel comfortable. too many leave it too late, or avoid talking about it and could initiate an unnecessary issue with your Dom. If he knows about it then he could approach his sessions, comms differently. We cant really guess your past

[Wo****]

1 hour ago, FabSeverus said:

as for triggers I can really urge subs to talk about it as soon as you feel comfortable. too many leave it too late, or avoid talking about it and could initiate an unnecessary issue with your Dom. If he knows about it then he could approach his sessions, comms differently. We cant really guess your past

Couldn't agree more.

I was lucky that Pirate picked up on a potential trigger of mine, without any need for explaination. 

It's a tricky subject to talk about, but if you can, it really is worth it.

If your Dom, and those close to you know, it helps.

For me, something that was unthinkable for me, something that was an absolute trigger point, is becoming something that will very likely remain a hard limit for me but isn't as much of a trigger anymore.

Edited January 19, 2020 by LazyPiratesBounty
Clarification