Subs needing permission!!

[Deleted Member]

I'm normally a frequent lurker in the lobby lol and I went in chat the other day and someone asked a sub in there if they could PM them, the sub then came back with you have to ask my Sirs permission first!!!!! Now this is something I've never got personally and that's just me and to clarify my Sir never holds me back from sending a message to anyone and he's never not said to anyone they can't message me. I just don't get the point and yes if they go too far in their message then that's where you block and your Sir steps in. Now I have a message filter on mine which stops some of the dickheads coming through. I can understand the Dom in the sense of he wants to let other users know that his sub is owned ect but it should be on each others profiles ect and yes some idiots can't be bothered to read profiles but this is where you step in and say look take another look and see I'm owned or taken already, then if they do carry on put a filter on your messages and or your Sir to step in, but what if this person isn't in chat ect I think then this should where it's stated/written on your profile that you do not have permission ect. I just wanted other people's view ect on this !!? Does this untimely come down to protocols ect!? 

[Ni****]

I have had the same experience as a dom in chat lobby when contacting a sub also in chat; contact my dom and ask permission. I didn't, but had the feeling she was bait... Now I have a sub myself, she is free to chat to anyone.

[Deleted Member]

Some people's profiles say please ask my doms permission before messaging, seems a bit odd to me

[Deleted Member]

58 minutes ago, MyMaster said:

I have had the same experience as a dom in chat lobby when contacting a sub also in chat; contact my dom and ask permission. I didn't, but had the feeling she was bait... Now I have a sub myself, she is free to chat to anyone.

I just think it's pointless as yes she's yours ect but shouldn't she be free to chat to whoever she wants!!?? I think it comes down to the old way of BDSM where a sub was seen as second to her Dom as like in people must get permission to talk to her in PM's and at events (which that I can understand as events are different) and also when they said a sub should walk at least so many feet behind her Sir ect I've always walked side by side with my Sir never behind and in my eyes sub are just as equal in the dynamic/relationship, I could be wrong and I know every dynamic is different ect.

Edited January 15, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Wreckless said:

Some people's profiles say please ask my doms permission before messaging, seems a bit odd to me

I can understand if it's on each others profiles but when it's not even stated on there as some members of this site don't use the lobby so how they supposed to know if they need a Dom's permission first if it's not on his/her profile? 

[Deleted Member]

Although it's not my thing and I do find it abit strange but really just because like I said it's not me thing, it is quite common for this to be the case it's the difference between someone having a sir/master and having a strict owner that they call sir/master especially I've found if they are collared aswell. Although it's not something I would ever ask of a partner after to speaking to some doms and subs I understand the attraction to the dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

Yes it’s commun. Some might display it, rare on here but on fetlife subs write on their profiles.
some other subs prefer to mention  it only when someone want to pm while she’s owned. 
i don’t see why it’s strange or odd? It’s their dynamics and agreements. Some subs feel more protected or give more of an edge into their submission.  
personally I don’t stop my sub to chat with anybody, the only gag is no sending pictures. 🐺

[Deleted Member]

I personally will always trust you to chat with whoever you want to, and would not stop you chatting to anyone you where friends with before we met. For me if I know a Dom and his Sub and want to send them friend requests ect protocol would then be important. I would first ask the Dom/Domme then ask if it’s ok to send their Sub a friend request . I would also not assume I could just send messages. Personally I don’t mind it but would always respect others dynamics on this subject. But going back to someone random asking to pm in chat I don’t get the “ you need my Sir’s permission “ that kind of implies that it’s ok with you but your Sir has to approve first, when in actual fact you have absolutely no interest or intention to take their PM. Why not just say “ no you cannot pm me and if you had bothered to read my profile you’d have known that “

[BigPolly]

4 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

i don’t see why it’s strange or odd? It’s their dynamics and agreements. Some subs feel more protected or give more of an edge into their submission.  
 

I totally totally agree with this! 
whilst you are all saying ‘this is weird, this is strange’ we all need to remember just because someone’s kink isn’t our kink it doesn’t make it wrong or odd. 

Some dynamics may seek permission of who they talk to, what they wear, when they can & cant sit down etc but that’s ok if their thing is to hand over control in all aspects. As long as the dynamic is consensual & healthy then there is nothing wrong with it. 
 

However it also may not be the case, she may simply have been using that line as a way of swerving this guy. 

 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

I totally totally agree with this! 
whilst you are all saying ‘this is weird, this is strange’ we all need to remember just because someone’s kink isn’t our kink it doesn’t make it wrong or odd. 

Some dynamics may seek permission of who they talk to, what they wear, when they can & cant sit down etc but that’s ok if their thing is to hand over control in all aspects. As long as the dynamic is consensual & healthy then there is nothing wrong with it. 
 

However it also may not be the case, she may simply have been using that line as a way of swerving this guy. 

 

I can understand dynamics ect and what others have said. I was just stating the fact that I don't get it when they say it in chat as many don't use the lobby so how they supposed to know to pm or not if it's not on their said profile. I wouldn't shame anyone else on doing it as I said I understand everyone's dynamic is different ect 

[LazyPirate]

I have no issue with anyone messaging Bounty but I’m also likely to read by screenshot if the message is hilariously bad as we share info.

[Deleted Member]

10 minutes ago, Liam52 said:

I personally will always trust you to chat with whoever you want to, and would not stop you chatting to anyone you where friends with before we met. For me if I know a Dom and his Sub and want to send them friend requests ect protocol would then be important. I would first ask the Dom/Domme then ask if it’s ok to send their Sub a friend request . I would also not assume I could just send messages. Personally I don’t mind it but would always respect others dynamics on this subject. But going back to someone random asking to pm in chat I don’t get the “ you need my Sir’s permission “ that kind of implies that it’s ok with you but your Sir has to approve first, when in actual fact you have absolutely no interest or intention to take their PM. Why not just say “ no you cannot pm me and if you had bothered to read my profile you’d have known that “

I understand the protocol in asking to send a friend request to ones sub/Dom like you say Sir I've done that and know you have yourself I think it's just manners to ask the Dom first!! And I also get the chat thing just say you don't want them to pm you simple.

[Deleted Member]

19 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

Yes it’s commun. Some might display it, rare on here but on fetlife subs write on their profiles.
some other subs prefer to mention  it only when someone want to pm while she’s owned. 
i don’t see why it’s strange or odd? It’s their dynamics and agreements. Some subs feel more protected or give more of an edge into their submission.  
personally I don’t stop my sub to chat with anybody, the only gag is no sending pictures. 🐺

Like I said if it's in their dynamic I have nothing against it but then they should have it on their profile it's common sense to me. And yes on fetlife they do it's more common in there in putting it on their profiles. 

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, LazyPirate said:

I have no issue with anyone messaging Bounty but I’m also likely to read by screenshot if the message is hilariously bad as we share info.

Same here I'll always screenshot the message and send to Sir if it goes past a point etc. 

[Breduckies]

My daddy also doesnt mind if I message people or people message me he has full access to my account and if someone does something ik he wouldn't agree with i tell him but i can also understand where other dom's are coming from

[Deleted Member]

I guess it depends on the collar ownership and the rules specified during the sub dom treaty

[Deleted Member]

My sub that i met on here got messages daily asking her to meet them etc. She constantly got messages. I never had a problem with her chatting with anyone so long as it wasn't getting into flirty, sexual conversation and so long as she let them know she was owned and out of bounds

[Deleted Member]

I think it just boils down to then yes if it's in their dynamic then that's fine as I've said everyone's dynamic is different, but then just put it on your profile ect cause most of the users don't use the chat function on here so how they supposed to know to contact your Dom/me for permission to message you ect. It needs at least putting on each others profiles and or putting a message filter on like I have done with mine  

[Deleted Member]

I would just never ask a Doms permission to message their sub either, if someone says they are in a relationship I just ain't interested. It would be a bit like submission too, I guess I have ego issues preventing that from taking place 😂🤔 I am respectful however and in person talk to couples like couples rather than just one or the other with a view to play, main reason being I don't really swing I guess.

[SL****]

i have asked a potential to ask for permission from my dom its respectfull to him and if your owned then thats what is expected

[BigPolly]

1 hour ago, SLDemon said:

if your owned then thats what is expected

Everyones dynamic is different. That is NOT what is expected, it is what ‘May’ be expected within some people’s dynamics & that’s perfectly ok but not everyone has the same rules. That’s why we all talk, so that we can all set our own rules & limits. 

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Method said:

I would just never ask a Doms permission to message their sub either, if someone says they are in a relationship I just ain't interested. It would be a bit like submission too, I guess I have ego issues preventing that from taking place 😂🤔 I am respectful however and in person talk to couples like couples rather than just one or the other with a view to play, main reason being I don't really swing I guess.

I agree with you on that one, it’s very rare if I messaged a collared sub. I would have a good reason for it. 
otherwise I would leave a comment on her wall or picture. Exchange opinions on forums. I don’t go on the chat room so not sure about that one. 
My kitten get constant pm from guys who would try on her  even she wrote on her profile she’s owned, she’s fierce if they go too far or insist on being twat, but she deal very well. 

so the real question is why someone on chat would like to pm a sub who’s already owned? Why not saying on the lobby itself?? 
 

[SL****]

well I am  a loyal sub Polly...its not to everyone's taste but in my opinion I like to ask permission... that is what i expect my Dom to be there for me to make my decisions ..im sorry if that's not what you expected but a question was asked and that's my input

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, SLDemon said:

well I am  a loyal sub Polly...its not to everyone's taste but in my opinion I like to ask permission... that is what i expect my Dom to be there for me to make my decisions ..im sorry if that's not what you expected but a question was asked and that's my input

The issue was that you stated as if it was a general rule when it’s actually not. 
kindky 😊

[Deleted Member]

I think if subs wanna stop the idiots sending them constant PM's then there is a message filter on here which helps to stop certain ones coming through. I have filters on mine and I hardly get any stupid messages now.