How to bring up this side of yourself?

[di****]

Going on a date with this girl, I didn't meet her from fet. Trying to Guage her interest in this kind of stuff, how would you bring it up in this scenario??

[al****]

Be upfront. That will be your answer. Is he’s into any kinks she’ll gladly respond. If she isn’t you’ll know. Good luck on your date bud 😉

[Cravings2024]

I always like rubbing my thumbtip across a girls lips when we're first kissing...if she sucks on it it's time to explore kinks....

[Deleted Member]

Take her out to a hot dog stand, and when you start eating, say to her ‘these aren’t the only dogs I eat 😉🦶’

[Deleted Member]

Jokes aside, just go for the first date and enjoy her presence before bringing anything up, unless you met her on a hookup app. Allow her to feel safe and comfortable in your presence a few times before bringing it up, and even then do it in a playful way

[di****]

3 minutes ago, skydaddy96 said:

Take her out to a hot dog stand, and when you start eating, say to her ‘these aren’t the only dogs I eat 😉🦶’

LOL that's hilarious

[Tl****]

depends how long you are dating but you can always say that a friend invited you to some adult party. Just bring it up. You can just play it off as you have no idea what that means, she might think it’s a toy selling party? you can be like why would I get invited to that, usually then they will say or could be a…….… “let her fill in the blank “ now subject is open.. See if she shows interest or knows exactly what that means. It works lol 😉 just play it off as innocent as possible so if not into that you don’t scare her off.

[Will72]

Why not get to know her she might surprise you when she’s comfortable with you don’t have an agenda for going on a first date it’s about compatibility and enjoyment first.

[De****]

If participation in the lifestyle is a deal breaker for you then the sooner you bring it up and find out if you're wasting your time or not... I usually already know how kinky she is before I ever even go on a first date, because I've wasted too much time playing shy about it only to find out that she isn't into it at all so she's not the one for me...

[ey****]

it's difficult to gauge the direction of a date.   sometimes it might feel like it's too much info for a first date.  see if and when it's appropriate to raise.

it also depends on what your kink interests are also.  I guess there's a world of difference when talking about sex, asking if she's ever had her toes sucked - to declaring you're in chastity right now and has a sissy side.

[skyland]

i love this comment section

[adrenalina75]

2 hours ago, skydaddy96 said:

Take her out to a hot dog stand, and when you start eating, say to her ‘these aren’t the only dogs I eat 😉🦶’

Feet are colloquially called ‘dogs’?

[De****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

it's difficult to gauge the direction of a date.   sometimes it might feel like it's too much info for a first date.  see if and when it's appropriate to raise.

it also depends on what your kink interests are also.  I guess there's a world of difference when talking about sex, asking if she's ever had her toes sucked - to declaring you're in chastity right now and has a sissy side.

I would add to this that it also depends on what your needs are for the relationship. Do you need to have a relationship where can express your kinks, or is it more of an option. I, for one, need a dynamic to be satisfied in a relationship. So I would want you to discuss it earlier rather than later. The first date maybe a little soon to bring up up, but if your kinks are a necessary part of a relationship to you, I would say by the third date you should have broached the subject.

[cl****]

You don't need to bring it up. In my experience women will drive a convo towards sexual proclivities on their own as long as they feel safe/secure/and aroused mentally and physically. Work on your basics.

[ey****]

16 minutes ago, DenverKitten said:

I would want you to discuss it earlier rather than later. The first date maybe a little soon to bring up up, but if your kinks are a necessary part of a relationship to you, I would say by the third date you should have broached the subject.

I guess something a bit... in general I feel a problem guys tend to make is bringing kinks up far too early in any conversations - and while it is important, the top priority is that two folk have stuff in common outside of kinks.

If someone is half way through a date and the brings up fetishes/kinks/etc that's fairly fruitless if there's nothing/little else in common 

[De****]

24 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I guess something a bit... in general I feel a problem guys tend to make is bringing kinks up far too early in any conversations - and while it is important, the top priority is that two folk have stuff in common outside of kinks.

If someone is half way through a date and the brings up fetishes/kinks/etc that's fairly fruitless if there's nothing/little else in common 

I agree, that’s why I mentioned the first date maybe too early but after multiple dates, you should probably start talking about it.

[Vi****]

I dont know, maybe I'm old and prudish but even after a few dates you haven't even built up the safety and security for good vanilla sex much less delving into any kink scenarios. Maybe if you have a very clear opening like you're watching a movie and some sort of kink comes up you can do it vaguely with something like "oh you're into that kinky stuff eh?"(assuming it can fit into conversation appropriately) and see how she responds.
All in all, if you just started dating it's too soon.

[ph****]

I’m married have been for 30 years that’s a very hard question bc there’s really no right one but sex in general is a very important part of all relationships regardless of the type you are Into and you have to be compatible sexually. My husband and I would have never been together this long if we didn’t have this in common he’s always been very dominant from the beginning and I’ve always found on being submissive even before I knew what it was, I believe you just know. I definitely wouldn’t say I enjoy when I’m being chocked while having sex on the first date but definitely small hints and if you get to the first time small hints while having sex like lightly pulling her hair very lightly and see how she reacts idk it’s been a long time since I’ve been on a date. My 2nd date with husband he cooked me pasta and a stole a piece of cheese he tapped my hand playfully lol that was the beginning of a very hot sex life with him lol small hints

[Deleted Member]

My personal female view: I have devised a 1-20 list that I made about myself that answers a ton of questions that I'm tired of wasting my time on. Its a " s***d date" list that I send to anyone I may be interested in..... upon first contact. Boom, done.
Keep in mind, there is always give n take when specifics are on the table. After all we are all human.
I'm old skool and prefer the romance and mystery in a date. I have a life and don't want to waste time on 10 meaningless dates. Therefore as a secure adult I condensed the common interests of others and myself into a neat cheat sheet. Yes It has humor, humility, transparency, life style, limits and even sex on all aspects of my desires and lifestyle. There are some good qualities in a s***d date. To the point is best, and that leaves time for the rest. You are on a different site so being respectful to the person you really don't know is prudent. ( On Fet I am as specific as I can get! )Respect who your company is and adhere to the pace of flow. Especially if you like this person in whatever capacity that may be. It's all in the rizz. Read your date. Stay in the moment and don't let the little head lead. Less spice in the recipe is best. To much too soon can ruin the sauce. You can always add more later after the simmer.
Maybe on your next prospect be forward in a couth and tactful way where you have honestly expressed yourself. Take the time to dig deep on what it is you are truly looking for in a match and condence it. Hit me up and Ill shoot you mine for a reference. It's liberating to love yourself enough to be transparent and honest with yourself on the neverending search for your " type". It also aids your prospective prospects so as to not be in the wrong place with the wrong person. We are all on a mission. It's not a race but I'd rather get busy sooner than later 🤜💥🤛

[in****]

OP if you ever figure it out please let me know

[mi****]

3 hours ago, KiaOra said:

My personal female view: I have devised a 1-20 list that I made about myself that answers a ton of questions that I'm tired of wasting my time on. Its a " s***d date" list that I send to anyone I may be interested in..... upon first contact. Boom, done.
Keep in mind, there is always give n take when specifics are on the table. After all we are all human.
I'm old skool and prefer the romance and mystery in a date. I have a life and don't want to waste time on 10 meaningless dates. Therefore as a secure adult I condensed the common interests of others and myself into a neat cheat sheet. Yes It has humor, humility, transparency, life style, limits and even sex on all aspects of my desires and lifestyle. There are some good qualities in a s***d date. To the point is best, and that leaves time for the rest. You are on a different site so being respectful to the person you really don't know is prudent. ( On Fet I am as specific as I can get! )Respect who your company is and adhere to the pace of flow. Especially if you like this person in whatever capacity that may be. It's all in the rizz. Read your date. Stay in the moment and don't let the little head lead. Less spice in the recipe is best. To much too soon can ruin the sauce. You can always add more later after the simmer.
Maybe on your next prospect be forward in a couth and tactful way where you have honestly expressed yourself. Take the time to dig deep on what it is you are truly looking for in a match and condence it. Hit me up and Ill shoot you mine for a reference. It's liberating to love yourself enough to be transparent and honest with yourself on the neverending search for your " type". It also aids your prospective prospects so as to not be in the wrong place with the wrong person. We are all on a mission. It's not a race but I'd rather get busy sooner than later 🤜💥🤛

This is it right here!
Honesty gets you further, faster. A serious yet playful approach at getting everything out on the table first.

A take it, or leave it

[di****]

Ok so update**** she was not cool with it LOLOL I tried bringing it up after we kissed, with the finger thing on her lips. Not for everyone LOL. Thank everyone for their input. Need a fet girl just hard to to actually meet up no matter the circumstances. A fb girl isn’t going to understand the needs

[adrenalina75]

I think you might have jumped the gun here. What did you actually say? Maybe next time (if you met her on another app) put it in your profile so you only get people interested in kink, or ask as you begin chatting, before you meet.

[Ho****]

It's in all my dating profiles, at the very least some reference to being not 100% vanilla which gives the heads-up to those in the know. In offline life I haven't had to deal with the situation yet, I don't meet many potential partner offline, but I think that by the time we've established that we're mutually attracted and free to act on it, the conversation is already heading into what we each like and don't, so it's part of that. But that's me, I don't get to that with anyone unless we're already communicating well.

[cl****]

Yesterday at 08:55 AM, discreetsiduxtion said:

Ok so update**** she was not cool with it LOLOL I tried bringing it up after we kissed, with the finger thing on her lips. Not for everyone LOL. Thank everyone for their input. Need a fet girl just hard to to actually meet up no matter the circumstances. A fb girl isn’t going to understand the needs

lol definitely saw that coming. You should have taken my advice. In my experience even IF a woman is interested in bdsm or some other kinks, she will be disgusted 99.9% of the time if you bring that into a conversation too early. The best time is usually after you have already had good normal sex already. If it's good enough she'll be much more willing to try new things anyways. And even if you know she likes kink from the get go, you'll want to establish a baseline of good sex anyways so don't get too weird in the first go around.