Am I a bad sub?

[th****]

Not at all. You need to clear up your dynamics first to know what they're going to be between you both. If that wasn't done it's a major red flag to me, especially if attempting to correct you immediately. Even with a bratty response! That to me just shows good interest not a go ahead full ***!

Honestly experiences like this are why I don't speak with any matches who aren't willing to enter the dynamics discussion and even then, after at least getting to know somewhat!

[Be****]

Well dont be overwhelmed there are different type of people with different type of desires and search. That person was probably upset that he did not find what he was looking for and was not suitable for you. In that kind of situation, it is best to be understanding type that he failed at it, and move on and keep looking for the person that is suitable.

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, BelayaAkula said:

Well dont be overwhelmed there are different type of people with different type of desires and search. That person was probably upset that he did not find what he was looking for and was not suitable for you. In that kind of situation, it is best to be understanding type that he failed at it, and move on and keep looking for the person that is suitable.

Desires are different to demands which are both different to going on the attack when your ego is hurt which is what the OP describes

[Be****]

Correct. Some people cannot handle it due to their character can be weak. Therefore, no need to be overwhelmed by them.just to say goodbye and move on is best. If they persist there is option to block them.

[Leisa]

Speaking from experience, don’t let one bad encounter knock you down. My bad Dom experience did exactly that. To the point I’ve not even considered getting back into a dynamic. It’s been 2 years and he was mentally abusive. While I stepped back to heal I know without a doubt that there’s someone out there worthy of my trust and devotion. I just haven’t found him yet. Men who are emotionally abusive aren’t men. They’re boys throwing tantrums because they didn’t get what they wanted. Know your worry and know you’re exactly someone’s perfect person.

[TX54321]

As a switch, I've had my share of Dom relationships, and I would say, if that, so called dom, was speaking to you like that on this site he's not a real dom! This site should be a starting point to get to know someone, and each of you figure out what exactly you're looking for and are you compatible. Once all of that is situated, then the relationship can go in the direction you both approve of. That type of degrading does indeed take place in some relationships, but it has to be established first! You are NOT a bad sub, just not the right one for someone pretending to be a dom!

[te****]

That's just their *** shown outwardly by uncontrolled reaction as opposed to responding to any given situation. It's not cool nor a reflection of what the intimate intent is here for. That's why there's more predators than community members and it cockblocks why both sides intentions for those who aren't here to find a victim, only a mate

[te****]

In short, no you're not, he's just driven by malicious intent

[Deleted Member]

That’s definitely not a Dom. Every single boundary needs to be respected test limit sure, but if that limit is rejected it must be respected.

[Deleted Member]

Spooky you didn’t do anything wrong. Keep standing up for yourself if goes against your wants and comfort level. I guess my advice for the future is don’t rush into anything. The more you share intimate moments w/o involving bdsm or sex the more comfortable and the more communication you and your dom will have. Remember this thought - always share w your fellow bdsm family who you’re w, who you’re starting to see, where you’re going for the first month I say. People *** power and influence bad decisions making. Don’t be a victim.

[Deleted Member]

I guess the word **** is a flagged word. People tend to *** power. Especially w BDSM. I believe BDSM is more of a collective activity. Like figure skating lol. comfortability, connection , experience. However you get these alpha males and women w alpha traits that bypass the other persons comfort level and trust and therefore the connection is a flimsy one at best and the experience is terrible if not dangerous. So find your figure skating partner and let him tie you up, blindfold you, clamp your tits together, eat cereal out your butthole if you’re comfortable w that. If not tell his ass to get a bowl lol

[pi****]

Yeah, he sounds like a tool. No real Dom would have reacted that way.

[Ki****]

He sounds like a wannabe Dom. Fake. A true Dom discusses things like that with a potential sub and an agreement is came to.

[Frankink]

It is known that not all dominants like or understand a brat, but I assure you that no real dominant would have that attitude, let alone lack respect. If anything, brats are characterized by unmasking undesirables who pose as dominant without really being so. 

Experiences like this can be unpleasant, even more so when you start in this world, but I think that instead of being sad about what happened you should be happy since you showed that this guy was anything but a true dominant. 

A game or a slightly mocking or joking word, a prank can be something entertaining for someone who understands it and knows how to value it, someone who understands it well sees that it is a playful provocation to encourage a more fun or mischievous tone with a dominant. Not all dominants make a good team with all submissives and vice versa, can you imagine what a disastrous combination between a Hunter and a submissive doll whose enjoyment is staying still? water and oil.

In short, I think it's good for you to see who can better value that dynamic that you like, and fundamentally rest assured that a real dominant would never have that attitude. Just as he lost his temper with you, he thinks, who was really whose bitch? XD

[D4****]

No one can tell you who you are when it comes to archetypes. They can try to characterise you but if they have none themselves. This person will now feel out of control in something they never really had control of in the first place. So they will go for who you are as a person. Its someone who doesn’t know who they are, but knows what they think being them means and trying to over compensate by going to extremes to validate themselves by invalidating you, because they think by doing so, or speaking in absolutes, they will not be questioned and those word will carry more weight, which never works.
Think of a chess game; where the person apart from you moves his pawn and you, in response, is knock over your king , say ‘mate’, shake your opponent’s hand and leave. He didn’t have any moves because he’d never played the game, or at least taken an acting class.

[Po****]

It sounds like you communicated you were not interested in being verbally degraded and he ignored this to satiate his own desires.

This is the sort of red flag that should ensure you simply cut all ties and move on.

He's not a dominant but simply an ***r.

Please don't humour or enable him and cut all ties.

[Sl****]

Insecure fucksticks that try to be some sort of BS Dom. It's sad for them to be so alone I guess because there's no way people show positive feelings to a pile of crap like that. I'm sorry you were treated as such seeing as I know you and think you are quite awesome 😈😎🥵 you deserve more and yes block him and think nothing of it his loss

[Sl****]

Oh ya selfish is one I was looking for remember what I said about a lot to most guys and their mindset and what is important to them! It's why they suck at really pleasing a woman ghost him