Needtofacefart Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I want to know when it's safe to reveal your fetish? I'm sort of talking to a guy. I met him while I was having lunch at a fast food, grill type of place. He is the main cook and hot as hell. He asked me out on a date this Saturday. I'm more nervous than I should be. I discovered a long time ago that I'm not good in relationships. I may be a sex addict because I always ask for it on the first date. I'm 40 now. I feel like I need to change that one thing. Maybe I should see what a date is like without asking for sex. Any advice on when to reveal my fetish will be appreciated.
ey**** Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I don't think you should pressure yourself to either have or not have sex - see how things play out. Regarding fetishes - a lot depends on how important they are to you. If they're something can be eased in gently, then that can be done - but if it's a deal breaker I guess what is worse = him running a mile, or, you being in a relationship afraid to speak up?
Needtofacefart Posted February 12, 2020 Author Posted February 12, 2020 I love your advice. Has anyone told you that you are the male version of Dear Abby for this website? I appreciate that you tell people the truth. Thank you.
ey**** Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 I do sometimes wish everything was as easy as I sometimes make things sound - but - a lot of what I say the principle is sound.
Deleted Member Posted February 12, 2020 Posted February 12, 2020 You've answered your own question. Try some dating without sex for a while. Dating is fun but people get scared and think it's easier to go straight to the *** shot. It's not. You're cutting yourself off from a world of beautiful experiences. In dating, you retain control of the situation. It's a good way to practice setting your boundaries. Go for a walk, go for coffee and cake. Dont go to a movie. Talk, talk, talk. And dont offer them sex.
Deleted Member Posted March 4, 2020 Posted March 4, 2020 Straight away, I hid mine from my ex for 6 years before it became too much and told her, then she wasn't exactly impressed . So straight away in my book
Cade Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 For me, straight away. My fetishes are an integral part of my life (and lifestyle), so trying to hide them seems very anti-productive to my personal goals of being seen, accepted, and (yes) loved for me being me. Knowing these will come into play in a relationship makes not being upfront about them feel a bit like lying through omission; I'd rather someone walk away knowing my truth than stick around while I hide what I'm into.
Deleted Member Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 As soon as we meet pretty much.I spent 30 years suppressing what I am and won't be doing that again so total disclosure from the word go.Reveal what I am from the start and there can be no confusion that way.
Deleted Member Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 They are part and parcel of who you are. You never know, he maybe interested in your fetish.
Deleted Member Posted March 5, 2020 Posted March 5, 2020 Cade, I couldn't have said that any better. There really is no point in hiding your kinks, it makes you unhappy, feel deceitful, and worried about being found out and hated for lying.... It's take me as I am, or not at all! ...also the problem is people who say they are into something when they aren't, is equally as bad as hiding your kink
Deleted Member Posted March 25, 2020 Posted March 25, 2020 I don't want to disturb you all, helping someone out, so that a person we don't know get's a little more self confidence. It's really nice to see. But what i ask myself is does it make any sense at all? We all have our own, personal, really individual lives, make different experiences and for one person it is in fact easier to socialize and for another it's just brutal every time. I mean, my direct answer for this particular case would be: Just be yourself, at all the time, every time! But the difference that it can make to be more decent or shy, like someone would normally be, and being completely open and yourself is huge. You have to grow into it, reflect a lot and learn to deal with the consequences of being really honest, really open and really straight forward. It's the same with our secrets, kinks, fetishes and so on. Imagine someone who is open, but very far away from understanding these aspects some kinks or fetishes could come up with. It could be to much at the beginning of a "getting to know each other situation". I mean we don't talk about a real relationship here and at some point, while getting to know someone better, we would even see that our desire for something would not be shared. It's sad, but we would in the process learn something about life, socializing, making good or bad decisions and that is in fact the part of life that matters the most for every single individual being. It makes us who we are. We have to make our own mistakes to grow! And that can most of all only a personal life experience. Nobody can teach you to do the right thing and at some point we all have to accept that life will have it's way with things. We would not be here if we would not have made a experience on our own, at some point in our life. I mean, i also would say: Don't ever ask for sex! But that's just wrong and my subjective feeling about these things. I would not pay for it, ask for it or do whatever else that makes me feel that the person in front of me would not have wanted it on her own. I have in fact learned how to read the reactions of the body, so called body language and i also know what kind of verbal reaction shows me a person is more into me, my thoughts and shares really her time with me. Sure you can read about those things, but you still have to learn how to see or hear that the person in front of you likes you and enjoys the time you have with each other. But that is just me and i have my reasons, based on my own life experiences! You know what i mean? I could have also just said: We cannot help someone to find the way to a better self-confidence, or even "the right way", since there is no such a thing as wrong or right and everybody has to find their own way. But i wish the best of luck, it can be in fact a great journey to get to know someone and maybe get together.
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