Help me figure out a punishment..

[Littleone-2984]

So im very new to this world, but i got into a dom/sub situation... rules were laid out for me. Ive been a very obedient little, but my sir failed to mention there was gonna be others he will be entertaining, again im new to this an not very big on sharing. He has slept with someone else after me which was in nov an i just found out.. so going forward he said he'll give me a chance to set a punishment for him for when he sleeps with others.. we are in different states so idk where to begin with a punisment.. any ideas are welcome

[theroperockstar]

If your not into it just font date him that's my advice

[Deleted Member]

If you’re not big on sharing, did you say that to him? If so, and he still went ahead and slept with others while having you as his sub in another state, he doesn’t sound much like a dedicated Sir. He sounds much like simply a man who likes to have his cake and eat it. Any true dominant worth his salt would discuss with his submissive the rules of engagement with others, and your thoughts on it would be cherished and valued. This sounds like it was not taken into account and not approached appropriately and professionally. If the agreement going forward is that he sleeps with others and you can punish him, that’s fine, but in all ruthless honesty, I think the only worthy punishment here is to discard him. But that’s just my two cents. Right from the get go, this dynamic sounds deceiving and dishonest. And if that’s how it’s starts, how it progresses doesn’t hold much hope.

[Cu****]

Leave him. That’s the punishment! How can you trust someone who’s economic with the truth? He laid out rules for you, and you could just as easily have done the same. It’s supposed to be an equal relationship to which you both initially consented. Because you’re relatively new, he’s played on your innocence and conveniently forgotten to be honest and open with you. Because he’s failed to inform you of his dalliances, and you’ve only just found out about them, he’s making light of the situation and says you should give him a punishment. You have the answer. Leave, block all communications with him and make him think. You don’t like sharing, and why should you? He’s uncaring, selfish and secretly manipulative. Is that a recipe for a successful connection? He made his bed, let him lie in it. You owe him nothing for the contempt that he’s shown you. Best wishes, and good hunting in the future.

[Mi****]

If you’re ok with the sharing=punishment type situation then I would say keep going forward with this Sir.
In my experience, a good Sir / Dom would discuss this while going over rules and boundaries. If you don’t like to share I would make that clear and the next time the punishment is finding a Sir who respects what you want from the dynamic.
If you are ok going forward.. I think a good punishment would be to take the thing Sir likes for a time. Like no pictures for a period of time or no self play for a period of time.
🤷🏼‍♀️ best of luck! ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Leave him

[Ha****]

I agree, he missused your trust. Leave him.

[No****]

This really doesn’t sound a good situation. Being new has nothing to do with his behaviour.

[Macca1410]

Yes bin him off he doesnt deserve the devotion and will only use you and hurt you.

[wa****]

I don’t like this for you…especially since you’re new & still learning. Trust is everything…and he broke your trust. I’d end things before they get worse. I’m sorry sweetie.

If you do decide to stay…I’d say he needs a cock cage.

[Ky****]

Aside from what others have already addressed.. unless you are a switch and you switch with this partner it's unreasonable to request you the sub to come up with a punishment for your Dom. Most subs that don't switch need that dynamic because they don't want or simply can not handle that responsibility. If you are strictly 100% submissive to him you are losing your admiration and respect for him, along with your trust. Without those what do you have worth salvaging?

[Al****]

Make him get tested for STD’s every day for a month.

[bi****]

What kind of relationship are you in with him? He's your daddy but he wants you to punish him, that's wrong. It sounds like he's just using you for his sexual benefits without much regard for your needs or, more importantly, the relationship you're entering into with him. My advice is simply to find a real dom to own you in a mutually beneficial relationship. One that will have a much better chance of lasting and being fulfilling than whatever this mess is.

[bo****]

Sorry wut? Are you even ok with this situation? You "aren't big on sharing" but this person is effectively saying - I know you don't like to share but I'm going to sleep around anyway and you can punish me however you want. How do you even know when he's being honest with you? Effectively he's forcing you to be ok with his sleeping around, and putting the responsibility of you being ok with it by making you punish him because eventually he's going to turn around and tell you - why are you complaining now? You already punished me for it.

Throw away the whole man and start over.

[Sm****]

If he slept with someone months ago and you are just finding out he knew he did something wrong. Just because you are a sub to him doesn't mean he can be with other women unless that was settled in the beginning of establishing the relationship. You need to decide if what he did breached your trust and if so what to do about that. If you can live with it (which I wouldn't as once trust is broken the relationship is never the same) then you need to establish firm expectations and somehow trust he will stick to them being states away. Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you should let someone walk all over you. Your feelings are just as important as his.

[Si****]

A) whether you would be monogamous or not, should be part of agreement. And not punishment. If you don’t have one, create one. NOW. And agreements are like limits. They have to followed. From both sides. Period.
B) your “dom” is a switch. And most likely a sub-leaning switch who is just “exploring” being a daddy. (Also, if you are a little, not sure why he prefers being called sir over daddy, but anyway).

I know that was a strong opinion but I have little respect for fake doms. Gives us doms a bad name and messes up their dynamic partners, esp when they are new and start on wrong note.

[Mi****]

Huh? He should have openly communicated with you that he has other subs! He broke trust which is a big thing in any relationship but even more so important in this LS. If you reacted because of his dishonesty and he wants to punish you reacting that's not a good D/s relationship! I would walk away from that dynamic before you get emotional damaged!

[Mi****]

Just now, MistressAman said:

Huh? He should have openly communicated with you that he has other subs! He broke trust which is a big thing in any relationship but even more so important in this LS. If you reacted because of his dishonesty and he wants to punish you reacting that's not a good D/s relationship! I would walk away from that dynamic before you get emotional damaged!

Punish you for reacting***

[ha****]

I agree that the boundaries should have been understood from the start.he seems to be learning with you

[Oldbutgood]

Well first of all are you okay with him being with other people. If you're not okay with him being with other people if you prefer not to share. You should make that clear to him and redefine your relationship. If you are truly okay with him being with other people because you get to punish him for it, not because you feel trapped into this situation. Then punishment is based off of the person that you're trying to punish certain things to him that you might consider a punishment he might actually enjoy so it's a little arbitrary. I find so far that a universally unliked punishment is kneeling on uncooked rice. Somewhere in the 3 to 5 minute range. Maybe he has to make a video with his knees uncovered where he's kneeling and apologize to you for sleeping with someone else while kneeling on the uncooked rice while on a hard surface (as kneeling on uncooked rice on a soft carpet would negate most of the punishment aspect)

[Mi****]

53 minutes ago, MistressAman said:

Huh? He should have openly communicated with you that he has other subs! He broke trust which is a big thing in any relationship but even more so important in this LS. If you reacted because of his dishonesty and he wants to punish you reacting that's not a good D/s relationship! I would walk away from that dynamic before you get emotional damaged!

Oh wait you get to punish him. Nice! You should tell him what you're ok with and not ok with.

[Deleted Member]

If he sleeps with others without your okay, you should leave.

Unless it's agreed upon, that still is cheating even if he is a "dominant" (used quotations because it sounds like he doesn't understands how this lifestyle works).

Does he normally not listen to your boundaries? Does he lies and not communicate with you? Because the three big things in this lifestyle are trust, open communication, and honesty.

Edited January 31, 2025 by Deleted Member
Added context

[Oldbutgood]

5 minutes ago, TheMacabreBrat said:

If he sleeps with others without your okay, you should leave.

Unless it's agreed upon, that still is cheating even if he is a "dominant" (used quotations because it sounds like he doesn't understands how this lifestyle works).

Does he normally not listen to your boundaries? Does he lies and not communicate with you? Because the three big things in this lifestyle are trust, open communication, and honesty.

I do agree that's why I said in my statement that if you're not good with it you need to redefine your relationship. Unless actually getting to punish him for cheating is something that makes it okay to you. Even then that needs to be clarified. Just because he is a " Dominant" doesn't mean that he gets to *** your trust and do whatever he wants. Domination is an illusion as the submissive you have the power. You have temporarily given it to him and you can take it back at any time that you want.

[AKA_Copper]

The key phrases in your OP are
"he failed." Yes, he did. He failed to initiate a conversion with you about your boundaries.
.
"I'm not big on sharing" this is your limit. He knows your views and he's continuing to cross it. What other limits will he cross? (Please tell me you have them!)
.
"I'm very new to this world" and certain 'D's" will seek the newbies out because they know they can behave like this without consequence - how do you know whether he's acted out the "punishment?" Frankly, it seems like he's making a mockery of you/the D/s relationship, so why would he?
.
"I just found out" two months after the fact? So he just assumed you'd be OK with it, or he knew you wouldn't, so he didn't disclose? A lie by omission is still a lie.
.
"He said he'll give me a chance..." So he dictated to you what would happen or you discussed matters openly?
.
You don't need to punish him. You need to either decide whether you're going to put up with this type of behaviour for the duration of the relationship or not and act accordingly.
.
I'll end with this:
D's do not lie
D's do not gaslight
D's do not dictate
Not in my book anyway. But we all make our beds and lie in them.

[Hu****]

I don't know you, but based on your post, this is not a healthy D/s dynamic. He should have spoken to you in advance of sleeping with anyone else. He should keep you informed about these kinds of situations. My partner and I are poly, and neither of us would ever sleep with someone else without talking about it beforehand. We would share details, ask, and answer any questions we had, and at the time it was happening, we would also share our location in case of emergency.
As for punishment, in my opinion, your punishment should be to take away your submission as stated in a previous comment. Find yourself a real dom who will respect your boundaries and communicates with you as they should.