New dom with a more experienced partner

[Ipsen]

Hello all! 

 

I joined this community so I could have a safe place to learn and develop my experience as a dom with my partner. We have been together for 3.5 years and we have started to branch out into the kink and fetish lifestyle together. She has had experience with her previous partners and a couple of doms she saw casually. She has always been kind and considerate and has never tried to *** it on me. I came to this decision to learn how she likes to be controlled in the bedroom. 

I am a sadist I have found and she is a brat/masochist. She enjoys to be a *** and she likes to see what I will do to her if she refuses something. I do not struggle with the more practical side of things such as flogging etc however I can find myself feeling... a little lost as to how I should punish her for acting out of line as *** simply wont do as she loves it 🤣

Please be kind, I am on a path of learning currently and any help would be so awesome 🙌🙌

[cautiousswitch]

Abandonment.

Brats act bratty because they want your attention.  When she starts to misbehave tie her down, make her think she's going to be punished, then go watch TV for half an hour.  If she tries to get your attention turn the TV up, do not gag her (leaving a gagged person unattended can be dangerous).  Then go back and explain to her that she won't always get what she wants by misbehaving.  As you're explaining, imply that you are about to start the ***, but don't.  Instead tickle her, or tease her with some nice sensual caressing, any other kind of punishment you can think of except for what she wants.

You'll have to curb your sadistic desires while doing this, but you may find her reaction to this sort of punishment just as appealing.

Of course, when she behaves you reward her by indulging her masochistic side.

[Eg****]

Haha.. so, masochistic brats are a fun time.. so as far as punishments, you have to get creative. I always tailored my subs punishment to something she was interested in, but not as a hobby. For example, she loved to read, and when she started getting sassy and lippy, I made her be quiet and write me some short stories. It satisfied my sadistic needs of making her uncomfortable and it also punished her without the *** a masochistic sub enjoys. Hope that kind of helps as far as punishment goes. If you have any other questions feel free to ask.

[pi****]

Just keep a open mind about the punishing....my old dom kinda gave me what i wanted and stopped in mid act to teach me as said b4 that you don't always get what you want and to use your words but lol thats from a brat at hand 😂

[Th****]

Don't give her what she wants, simple. Tell her to knock it off or you'll tie her to the bed and leave her there for an hour or something like that

[ey****]

It can be difficult to deal with people who get their desired outcome by misbehaving especially if this is not your dynamic.

Step 1 - just tell her this is pushing things too far.

If this doesn't correct the behaviour.

Sometimes ignoring can be good; but you should never abandon a sub - tying someone and leaving them unattended for example - you're not really caring for their wellbeing if doing that.  Punishments like corner time can work because it takes away what they want, attention, even if you're in the same room.  Linewriting can also be similar, it's a pointless punishment but one that cuts into her play time which she won't like.

Another example is around genuine soft limits, so that if punishment is too far then she gets a least favourite toy or an agreed activity that constitutes as punishment.

[cautiousswitch]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Sometimes ignoring can be good; but you should never abandon a sub - tying someone and leaving them unattended for example - you're not really caring for their wellbeing if doing that. 

Yes, I meant abandonment in the BDSM sense.  You're still looking in on them from time to time to make sure they are all right.

[ey****]

1 minute ago, cautiousswitch said:

Yes, I meant abandonment in the BDSM sense.  You're still looking in on them from time to time to make sure they are all right.

yes absolutely - I think I was moreso about the comment above me about tying up and leaving - even if just a threat (which wouldn't be much of a threat if it couldn't be followed through on)