Is this ok????

[li****]

Like a week ago there was a dom who messaged me on another app that told me I could be his sub if I passed his "test" and said he wouldn't tell me what the test was until I promised to follow through. I told him I wasn't interested in being his sub and his "test" sounded like the tests cults put members through before they become an official member. He told me the test was just that I had to send him 4 pictures of whatever I wanted to grab his attention, which honestly didn't sound so bad but I was still weirded out by this method. His whole test thing to me sounded like some sort of manipulation tactic, especially when he then went on to say how boring I was because all the other girls he had tried it on had thought it was kinky(Please give me a break Mr.Grey🙄.) I don't know if it was too cautious of me to think that he was being manipulative or not, it just set off red flags in my head especially because it seemed as if he wanted to jump into sexting when we hadn't even talked normally first. I just wanted to know your opinion on testing someones submission. It honestly sounds like a fun idea during a scene to "establishing dominance early" as he put it but what about right off the bat when you first start chatting to someone? Shouldn't getting to know the person and negotiation come way before anything even if it is over chat??

[ey****]

guy sounds like a grade a arsehole.

That like, even being "hey, you could be my sub" - so presumptuous you want to be his sub; and the "other girls do this..." is a form of negging and manipulation. 

[De****]

You weren't in the wrong at all, hun. Him mentioning oh other girls do this, is gas lighting. He most likely wanted to get nudes out of you and doesn't demonstrate what a true dom is. Hopefully you get better luck coming your way xx

[Deleted Member]

Agree with eyem, he’s not a Dom just a wanking pics collectors. We don’t ask for pics as a test of submission?? and you are spot on to establish a connection first with comms. It’s your decision to send pics or not without any pressure.  

[Ta****]

Erring on the side of caution is probably the wisest choice you could've made. He sounds... inexperienced.

[Deleted Member]

I agree, it is a form of manipulation. A dom and sub relationship isn't just sexual, it a bond like anything else between both parties, a understanding and a relationship where both parties get satisfaction. Satisfaction doesn't have to be sexual, it can be many other things. Like between myself and my girlfriend who is a switch, I myself a dom, we started out normally talking to one another, then relationship before we explored our dom/switch sides towards one another. Like many relationships, you need a foundation first before a powerful relationship such as Dom/Sub

[Da****]

If he had at least spent a bit getting to know you then I'd think it shouldnt be a problem. But he didnt probably just another photo wanking pic collector.

[cautiousswitch]

There are enough fake kinksters and scam artists out there that I test people all the time.  I don't announce that I'm going to test them, but I will ask a question or two based on their profile to see how consistent they are or if they really have knowledge of the things they say they are interested in.  You are young enough that it could be a matter of finding out if you are just curious about kink or ready to actually try it out.

In this specific case though - your having to agree to take the test before he tells you what the test is sounds screwy.  And then the test itself is something you can refuse to do once he's told you what it was - a real dom would have thought that one out better.

You could have tested him back.  He said four pictures to capture his attention, he didn't say they had to be pictures of you.  Yes, most responders would have thrown in at least one picture of themselves but nothing in his rules required this.

All the other girls thought it was kinky either means he was hoping you would send pictures of yourself or none of the other girls really exist.

And, from what you wrote, it sounded like there was no previous conversation.  Was his first message an offer to let you serve him or did he at least try to chat you up first? It sound like the guys who post, "Yo, your hot," on a woman's wall and get upset that she doesn't respond.

The only redeeming point about this, and it's a real stretch to call this redeeming, is that the test was something that could be done remotely as opposed to "meet me at this address and I'll tell you what you have to do then."

There are some good reasons to want to test someone before starting a relationship, but the people who think things through enough to want to use them aren't going have this guy's attitude.

[Th****]

Simple explanation, that's deeper into the bdsm world than you understand little sub. The test is something us overly experienced doms use to find a sub that won't break when we play with them, my test is a hidden test, a personality test if you will I like to ask questions about your hobbies and interests, hell if you answer the questions a certain way I just might fall in love

[Fa****]

I think he is a pic collector. He should atleast spent a bit on getting to know you before asking something like that. You should not fall into his trap.

[sm****]

That sounded like too many red flags to me, better to be safe than sorry, even when seeking out kinky fun like this. I don't think real stuff like that belongs near introductions

[fl****]

Uhhh I mean, he was probably just tryna get kinky it's pretty normal in the bdsm world

[fl****]

You arent experienced enough little little, you cant break when you're dom is using you and that's a good test

[qu****]

First I've heard of " a real Dom" doing this, especially as a first point of contact, avoid avoid avoid, if it smells and looks fishy it is fishy, the same goes for this approach 😁

[cautiousswitch]

35 minutes ago, flipbricksvro said:

You arent experienced enough little little, you cant break when you're dom is using you and that's a good test

Actually, she sounds more experienced than the would-be dom who messaged her.

[ey****]

yeah there's some comments I wildly disagree with - but - yeah, someone who calls themselves a Dom has zero right to just message someone demanding pictures; that's not Dominant at all.  

5 hours ago, TheKing said:

Simple explanation, that's deeper into the bdsm world than you understand little sub.

both patronising and inaccurate.

Extremely toxic and manipulative.

42 minutes ago, flipbricksvro said:

Uhhh I mean, he was probably just tryna get kinky it's pretty normal in the bdsm world

No it's not.

Stop presenting things based on ideology.

Unless you're saying it's normal for Male Doms to be abusive, manipulative predators ?

[Zy****]

I test my potential subs... But with questions, generally to see if we are compatible in kinks. However I can imagine a you must do this especially without knowing what it is kind of mentality. Mines more of a I hope our kinks line up kind of test. I would imagine any blind obiedence without an established trust is pretty red flag wortht

[Ro****]

Hey hey hey! Keep calm! On this post is writing to tell our  best  deep and dark fantasies! Fantasies are these things that excihing some people only for theiir immagination but never really. If i hurting someone,asking my pubblic scuses at all members and promise that don't repeat this wrong! After my pubblic scuses for all wishing tell at all members of this websiite only 2 my thinks that wishing that all members know:the first is that wishing thanking all the members that defend me for my inexperience, thanks a lot by me at all! The second is that asking also my publics scuses also at the members that thinking bad of  me but wishing remember at these last that before for thinking that theirs having theirs  souls cleaning and shoninhg like those of the saints that before accusinig me,watching very well in herself if are betters that me!! Nobody  of you! Now reading that i donn't respect  the rules because don't having reading them,now that know their, don't  breaking them never more! Nobody of you that accused me  is better that me! What is writing like website title? Fetish.com that is synounymous of kink.com. Very well,are all you a kinky band of people that for the vanilla having yours minds damaged like the mine and that are a group of pervertited like me that need a mental healting threatment in the asylum! Very well my accusing me friends, the next time that wishing writing bad of someone,watching in in yoursellf dirty and blake souls more dark  that the carbon and thinking at yourself before thinking at the other people, thank you very much! Now if the amministrator group thinking that i'm dangerous  for you and want ban me accept the him decision!

 

[Deleted Member]

Don't listen to flipbricksvro, we don't claim him.

[vi****]

I'm new to this but even if I was experience is want to get to know a little bit a about someone before any test

[Be****]

I agree. If people don’t make the effort to get to know me first/let me get to know them then I simply ignore. I was on this site previously and did the same and it worked well. Just rejoined and I had forgotten the lack of basic manners some time! If you are thinking red flags they are red flags.

[do****]

Do Not do it I get these as well on Kinkoo from girls

[Gs****]

Sounds like most doms if u think about it he wants you to do wat he says do what u feel is safe hell even fuck with his head if u want just be careful and if your that cautionary you probably dont want to be a sub

[Deleted Member]

Trust and honesty by all means

[ey****]

7 hours ago, Gsolid974 said:

your that cautionary you probably dont want to be a sub

rather - she didn't want to be *his* sub - a guy who contacted her out of the blue making demands.  That's not being a Dom at all.