What’s the best way to find out if someone you’re interested in is into kink/fet?

[ve****]

There are women I would consider dating, but I need some kink if there’s going to be a physical relationship. What’s the best way to find out if you’re compatible in that way with a woman? Even if she might be into some unconventional activities, I think bringing it up too early might be a red flag for her, but bringing it up too late might also be a problem…

[fl****]

Basic small talk when you are comfortable

[Daddy12B]

I'd rather know early on than be blindsided with something I'm not ok with later. It's one thing to evolve as individuals or together and communicate that, but coming into it, id prefer to know.

[No****]

Ask them if they are. That's all there is to it. If you're concerned with it being too early in seeing them to ask such a question, and their answer truly matters to you then preface the question with an apology for asking something this personal so early but that you need to know. If they're offended then they weren't the person for you. I've yet to meet someone that is truly into kink that finds it odd to bring it up or talk about it, even on a first date.

[Playful169420]

Ask

[An****]

You would have to talk with her maybe sit down have a chat and be open.
Also generally you would know earlier on in the partnership.

[Co****]

Don’t ask them, they’ll think you’re a perv, and will probably stop talking to you. Been there. My advice is to date them and get them in the sack and slowly introduce what you like to them. Most like a an ass slap, all like hair pulling. But start slow and gentle. She’ll respond to more if she’s into a kinkster. If not back off and try someone else. Some can be trained to take more and they want to learn, others not so much. Personal experience. Most of the time they shut down if you ask before the bedroom.

[ca****]

Bring it up in a subtle manner. I found myself in the same predicament on more than one occasion. Its a shot in the dark. Hit or miss. Watch reactions while on dates in every day life moments. By the 3rd date you should be able to determine if that person has a little kink in them.

I was left dumbfounded when one of my exes hit me with the "I'm into fucking shibari ok!?!?" 3 months into the relationship. I didn't hesitate to get my ropes out without saying a word. Then we had the same conversation you're talking about.

I've been to a grocery store on a second Date and spanked a big piece of ham, watched her reaction, spanked her with a leek and watched her reaction... by the end of the night we had spoken about everything in pandoras box.

You're better off getting it out of the way early and keeping the heavy and more intense subject of kinks to introduce itself organically into a conversation one day. Shock and awe isn't always the way to go

Good luck!

[Co****]

Unless you know for sure or she’s hinted at kinkier stuff then meme’s and such may be ok.

[jo****]

Speaking about it would be my preferred method. If a partner couldn't talk about it, they probably aren't going to be down for much anyway

[Ma****]

Hey there, How are you ?
I think the first and most important thing is to construct a relationship with clear and open communication and both side confidence. Introduce yourself with respect , threat her in the same way and get known better. The moment will come on its own, especially if it’s on this type of apps. Look her profile can be useful too. If not, feel free to ask, as long as you do so respectfully and tactfully after some time passed between conversations ( ideally, a few days ). Good luck.

[Ma****]

4 minutes ago, Mafe23 said:

Hey there, How are you ?
I think the first and most important thing is to construct a relationship with clear and open communication and both side confidence. Introduce yourself with respect , threat her in the same way and get known better. The moment will come on its own, especially if it’s on this type of apps. Look her profile can be useful too. If not, feel free to ask, as long as you do so respectfully and tactfully after some time passed between conversations ( ideally, a few days ). Good luck.

Sry, my bad. I should have said “Treat her the same way”. Spelling checker played a trick on me.

[Mu****]

Ask

[Deleted Member]

It's never too late. Wait until you've slept together a few times, and then introduce things one at a time.

[da****]

Bringing it to early is a problem and bringing it up too late is a problem. Not bringing it up is a problem and also bringing it up is a problem. Just hope that she's a freak and that she brings it up

[DP****]

Stick to these apps. Fet, Fetlife, Down, etc. Otherwise you’re wasting time just to find out you’re not into the same stuff

[Th****]

I personally tell my potential suitors quickly that I am a Domina so they are aware. Their response is very telling and that sets the stage for what happens next.

[sl****]

I ask will you call me daddy behind closed doors. If they say yes then you'll know

[Deleted Member]

Ask them.

[cu****]

I mean, you could always "jokingly" bring up a scenario a "friend" told you about, and read their reaction...

Or you could just be straight up if you're seriously into this person. If their freak doesn't match your freak, it might not be the right time for y'all

[Ed****]

If you're uncomfortable asking or speaking to someone about fetishes. Maybe your not comfortable or totally understand your own, idk. Just a thought good luck out there

[Deleted Member]

Casually work it into daily conversation.

[ho****]

I feel like after you've been intimate kind of have a conversation and ask. You can even Segway it by asking her if she's taken a bdsm test. Be prepared for her not to be into it and maybe not want to continue the relationship. If you feel like you can compromise do it but if your kink/fetish is too important then look for someone else. Life is to short.

[jj****]

Damn, I guess the safest way is probably to tell a joke with a super basic kink haha and see if she takes interest in the topic to gauge her interest level before you ask. It’s a whole can of worms when you ask too soon and offend the delicate sensibilities of the polite folk.

[sc****]

I think the person is more important than the kinks. If you really love them and want to be with them, their pleasure becomes more important than your own.