Unexpected worries during/after “play”

[Se****]

Not quite as deep as the title sounds. Thanks to my (let’s call him) kink/Dom bestie I got to experience being spanked for the first time the other day - nothing major, just a few slaps. We’d talked about it beforehand and I know myself well enough to understand what (I thought) my ***s/concerns would be. Would I be able to take it? Would I disappoint him? Would I even enjoy it? We discussed it and he, obviously, gave me the correct response of “if you don’t like it, end it” - he had no reservations about that and he made me feel safe (thanks btw).

Weirdly though, when it happened not one of those ***s bothered me. What did however was the stupidest (in my own opinion, nobody else’s) thing, I noticed it briefly at the time but it wasn’t until I was driving home that I started analysing it and had a mini melt down. My ass wobbled when he hit me - I can’t even believe I’m typing those words, I feel extremely silly (NOT a feeling I enjoy). I had a mini melt down about it because my ass wobbled and I was so worried that that small thing had made him not enjoy it or me look ridiculous or “ugly”.

I loved the experience overall, I would very much like more, and I talked with him about how I felt and he reassured me but it wasn’t a fe@r/concern I expected to encounter.

I’m slightly concerned that it might happen again or that something else I’ve not “prepared” my mind for will occur so I’m wondering what other unexpected small worries (I’m not talking big triggers or significant problems - unless you need or want to share) people have encountered during play and how they’ve dealt with and overcome them? I can’t be the only one hit by something so seemingly insignificant.

Love,

X

[Deleted Member]

Remember that the "unexpected" is always something that might or might not occur in play; You are two separate humans whos mind isnt linked to one another. But after all, what is important, is that they might have the same feelings as you, something they said or did or some way the looked might be something your Partner might be very anxious about, and something you didnt even spend a thought on. With that in mind just go with the flow and dont overthink it. You will enjoy the stuff you do together and most things you dont like about yourself are at best barely noticable for others. We ourselves are always our harshest critic...

[Ge****]

Hey X,

First off, thank you for being so open—your honesty is striking, in the best way. It’s wild how it’s often the tiniest things that catch us off guard, not the big scary stuff we think we’ve prepped for. You’re definitely not alone in that.

I’ve seen something like this before—someone close to me had almost the exact same reaction, different trigger, same spiral. There’s something so beautifully human about how our minds cling to the most unexpected details. What helped her? Letting go of the assumption that every reaction has to make logical sense. Sometimes the heart just flinches.

I won’t pretend to have all the answers, but maybe that’s part of the appeal. Sometimes the most interesting stories are the ones we don’t tell all at once.

Hope to read more from you soon.

– M

[ey****]

A lot of kink play can be learning curves and this is one of them

basically, you were experience sub drop.  You might not have identified this as such, but a mood drop/spiral related to something you felt insecure about would trigger it

unfortunately, this is something neither you or the partner could have specifically planned for since you didn't know that would be something worried about -- however, talking to him about this was the right thing to do and this is something to consider in next play, it's ok to talk about insecurities and have reassurances as part of both pre-play and aftercare.

 

[La****]

You shouldn't feel silly about that at all; having an insecurity triggered, especially about your body, can be deeply upsetting, and just like you experienced, it can come about unexpectedly. Talking to my partner and having them show me that their experience was not negatively affected was one thing that helped me begin to deprogram that self-critical response, so I hope your friend was able to help you in that way.
As for how to deal with the situation if it comes up in the future, it might be worth extending the duration of aftercare (if you're able) so that, if the emotions hit you later on, you'll be with your partner who can help you feel safe and be able to reassure you in the moment.

[Wi****]

Welcome to the wonderful world of passion and delight.
Anytime we experience something new, unexpected things can and do happen.
Imagine that what he saw is not what you felt.
After looking at your pictures,if I Imagine that I'm walking behind you and you display one of those sexy little ass jiggles that women can do, it would have a positive impact on me for sure.
Now, if I imagine your bestie administering your first spanking, when he sees that cute little ass jiggle ,I can see the smile on his face.
I can even imagine what he was thinking. He was thinking, " damn, she liked that. ".

You see sweetie, we as dominants ,be we Dom or Master, look for responses from sub/slaves that tell us how you are responding to what we are doing.

Sometimes, your response says, damn I love that. Sometimes, it says, I don't care for that.

In any case, would an experienced Dom or Master have a negative thought about an ass wiggle that was probably very arousing.

When you accept your next experience , don't concentrate on trying to respond the way you think he wants you to.
Concentrate on experiencing every sensation that the experience brings to you.

If something happens that is more than you want, make that known. By the same token, if your experience causes you to feel sensations that are exhilarating, let that be known to.

After the session ,snuggle up and talk about your experience, good and bad.
That's how we all learn.

What you don't have to do, is second guess yourself. That can and often does lead to self doubt.

Relax and enjoy.

[Deleted Member]

I loveee seeing an ass wobble after I spank it!!!