Limerance vs love

[no****]

How many of us have been tricked by limerance, that chemical rush of what seems like love and connection? I’ve been there, it’s a tricky thing isn’t it?

[YoursMaybe]

Yeah. its a Gatsby level of yearning.

[BR****]

I don't really know cause I've been throw so much and then I feel like I'm in love with someone and my system takes over. I just don't know how to truly love or feel that way.

[Ba****]

Have been tricked by it more times than I care to remember but thats why I try to really learn people now instead being led by my too easy to stir feelings.

[Ha****]

I’ll be 40 next year and I can honestly say I’m not sure if I’ve ever been in love or if it was all limerance that lasted to long! 😂 and I can say that laughingly now because of the work I’ve done in therapy to understand the difference. While love (IMO) will always be a choice, I find that limerence happens when you use someone to fill a void you’d otherwise should fill yourself…

[BR****]

See with me I have really bad past traumas in due to it, it's made me not feel like who says that they love me. Who wants to be in something with me? Is really real or self-regulate without that person being there.
I don't know, does anyone? No, it's like to physically have a healthy person. Come in and use the trauma You were the trauma person he's always waiting for that other shoe to drop.
Or understand things better

[No****]

I'm currently working on a set of books about a certain type of evil personality disorder. I thought limerance was a good place to start.
It's fascinating, to me, a bit of a paradoxical grey area. It's also very ironic that as soon as I started writing it, after more than a decade of purposely not dating or pursuing anything of such. I met the most interesting person in my relationship history. I consistently ruminate in my mind where those grey areas blend together, I was thinking about taking a meta direction with the novella, juxtaposed research with my organically serendipitous unfolding of love baby love....

❤️

[OpenMIndedSasha]

I'm definitely been there before but once you understand what it is, you can't unsee it when you are in it.... It's what we used to call a crush back in the good old days....

[Deleted Member]

I think I have yes. An old partner who was more level headed than myself at the time questioned my feelings and suggested it was just that ... limerance.

Limerance is all about you. It's selfish. How am I viewed by that person. It's an ideal. Limerance is like a drug... It's ***.

Love is about them. Wanting what is best for them regardless of your own feelings. Love is a bond that grows over time that drives you to think of others first. It's sacrifice.

[Ji****]

Yes. And my therapist and I agreed a three month non exclusive window was crucial for me. And it opened a lot of doors

[Pa****]

Yes I have and it felt good at the time. But later I felt remorse that I was just thinking about me. It's a good feeling but it really doesn't last like love should. Love is a feeling that should last forever and it used to. But nowadays I think people use The L Word too quickly and true freely when they're not really in love.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been there, and it doesn’t help being a recovering codependent. Thing is, I knew that feeling the limerence meant that relationship was as going to be a bad idea but I was too high off the emotions to talk myself down and went for it. It’d been about a decade since I’d been that giddy over someone. What could a little indulging hurt.
.
Ow. That crash was massive.
.

Now that I’m now far more grounded, I’m not at all surprised that it went nuclear the way it did, or that it took me so long to recover. It was constant love bombing on both sides, and doing without was … yikes.
.
Current relationship is oddly calming in comparison. It’s not fast movie script romance, it’s a developing friendship that has potential to grow into more.
.
Is this the last time I’ll fall for limerence? I’d rather not jinx myself. However, this is the first time I’ve essentially live-blogged the experience to my Guru-ex-Girlfriend (GxG) for later mutual analysis, and I think all that processing will help me if it does happen again.

Edited April 27, 2025 by Deleted Member

[Ba****]

Limerence is a very real thing for me. I have diagnosed adhd. It’s a dangerous thing that isn’t discussed enough. I’m writing an article of sorts on it. A lot of it has to do with brain chemicals firing off in excess. The really tricky bit is to acknowledge the difference between limerence, love and love bombing.

[Ta****]

I kind of prefer limerance, is the conclusion I came to. I've had plenty of healthy relationships, and I hated them all sooner or later. It feels icky. I'm just not happy in relationships, the prolonged intimacy over time gives me more and more I despise about any partner.
So I prefer a fling, a bitter-sweet lovestory. I'm not stalking anyone for years on facebook or worse, in real life.
I just prefer an intense adventure and then shattered hopes and a bit of moping to...."healthy" things that never feel right for me and in which I may become the toxic one.

My objects of limerance change. The rest of my life is stable af, full of deep friendships.
But I prefer romance/limerance to love, red-hot madness, some tears to the icky closeness of real relation-/situationships that drive me claustrophobic.

[ha****]

Yall Just opened my eyes to some real shit

[Gr****]

Yes I have been head over heels in limerence and still recovering everyday from that ride down a winding DEAD END ROAD. MYSELF

[Gr****]

I perfer love over limerence myself.