The Real Edge: Is It the Limit… or the Plea?

[Ra****]

This has been on my mind for some time, and I’d really appreciate your insights or perspectives. What’s the real edge in kink - pushing someone’s limits, or making them beg you not to?

[pr****]

Ummm, good question I’m curious and definitely interested to know what others think about this?

[me****]

The plea

[Sa****]

Depends on the dynamic. If you have a dynamic where you can't do things they don't consent to then the edge is the plea cause that's where you stop. In a cnc or blanket consent then it's you actually pushing the limits.

[Deleted Member]

Both.

[Ke****]

Hard limits are never to be exceeded. If you meant soft limits specify "soft limits". Everything in BDSM must be precise and with explicit consent of all parties to a scene. If you want the sub to plea not to exceed soft limits that must be part of the scene contract. Of course many play without detailed scene contracts, but you should still respect both soft and hard limits and try to discuss everything you plan to do in a scene, in general when everyone is ok with the scene without discussing minute details.

[Ch****]

Hard limits are strict no go areas, dont even attempt to do them.
Soft limits are things someone might struggle with and would need lots of concentration while acting them out.
Pushing someone to the limit in my opinion is doing something like 'flogging', it's not a hard limit so all is good, but the limit here is how much someone can take/how hard. Negotiations would need to take place about how far you can go, safewords to stop, or can/will begging/pleading be part of your play

[DarkArts1066]

Consent is always the key here … even with “CNC”. The first C stands for ‘consensual’.. and some people forget that.

Play should ALWAYS be within hard limits.
Regarding this, If a person and their partner regularly feel the need to exceed their hard limits - then those limits are set too low.

That is not “being on the edge”
It is being on the edge of ***…. Potentially a sexual *** charge.

Understanding is the critical thing.
Understanding what a persons soft and hard limits are, and also being prepared to ‘question for understanding’.

That is to say, actively having the discussion, and being sure that your partner understands what both they - and you mean by a particular limit.

The saying “You never get a second chance at a first impression” is valid here.

I know of people who have pushed the envelope during play - past a persons’ hard limit, and paid a steep price for that.

“She said stop, but didn’t use her safeword”

- What would you do in that case ??………..

Had you previously agreed to ignore the word “stop” ?
If not, then you may well have overstepped the mark.

Have frank, honest discussions from the outset if you are going to try and push that envelope. And always only do so by mutual agreement.

[Ra****]

I really appreciate the insights shared here — they’ve given me a lot to reflect on. I want to clarify that I’ve never toed the line or pushed anyone beyond what could be considered the bounds of taste and decency. That said, I’d be lying if I said the idea of someone pleading, fully within the bounds of trust and mutual consent, didn’t carry a certain thrill. There’s a rush in the tension — not so much breaking boundaries, but in playing near the edge while keeping safety and communication rock solid. And I have also had the pleasure of pushing past the limit through clear communicative dynamic of requiring consent and encouraging past the limit - actually the result was exhilarating for both party! And that was why I posed this question to the community

[Go****]

My love for it is learning how to physically read the body to know exactly when it’s close that’s pretty dope to gain that level of control

[as****]

"The Edge... There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others-the living-are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to choose between Now and Later. But the edge is still Out there" - Hunter S Thompson

[gr****]

Yea I fully agrees cus some things don’t come up till that last min

[qu****]

Sunday at 12:25 PM, GoodBrotherBrim said:

My love for it is learning how to physically read the body to know exactly when it’s close that’s pretty dope to gain that level of control

Agreed. I have personally been riding too close to the edge and had a sub,we were closer to master/slave than Dom/sub and been together 1 year 9 months.
Messing around with breath play and everything . Then I pushed it just a scootvh token much. She frantically grabbed her stuff and bolted, and I didn't see her to hear from her for 3 weeks, but the damage was done and irreversible, and
GoodBrother, just remember there is a component we can not see, feel, or even anticipate aa my story shows. She had a son, and as she wasstearto pass out she said she saw him and it just frneaked her out she left the whole lifestyle.
What I learned was to subtly check in more than I was on how she was doi. Not physically but psychology how they're hsbldling it and uf a break is needed because there's nothing wrong with pausing the whole space of needed.

[Ha****]

If I’m at the point of begging, the person I’m with is already standing in the atmosphere of my edge. And since we would have already agreed on the intentions and limits beforehand, that moment—my voice trembling, breath catching—isn’t about confusion or ***. It’s about surrender. It’s the space where trust lives. So for me, the edge isn’t just about begging—it’s about how close I’m willing to get to that line, together with that person, knowing exactly why we’re there and how we’ll come back.